Bring it up or just put up walls?

[Anonymous]

Been seeing this guy for 4months. he has an ex whom cheated on him 1-2 years ago. This weekend I learned He is still emotional and hurt from this girl. I'm not sure how to handle this. Am i a rebound?

[BadApple69]

So here is the thing… as someone who was cheated on by a girl I was so deeply in love with… it crushed me to a point where I will never be the same as I was. If you are a being with emotions, feelings, and love for someone that makes you blind to everything bad around you… finding out the the people which lights up your universe is sleeping with her boss hurts you to the core. I can never forget, and I will never totally heal from this.
We all are damaged goods. Some of us more damaged then others. Treat him with love and understanding. That’s my advice.

[Asker]

Thank you for your honesty.

[BadApple69]

It was 11 years ago and it still brings a tear to my eye when I wrote this.

[Anonymous]

This is simple you need to make it clear to him that you're not her. That you're with him unequivocally. And then lastly you need to make it clear to him that he has to be committed to healing if he expects you to stay with him. Because you deserve nothing less.

Are you a rebound? Hard to tell. I have a ladyfriend whose husband left her. And a yr. And a half later she's still f***ed up. And I've had to wash my hands of her because she's dated 2 guys and has been flat out ridiculous the way she's acted. I understand she's hurt. I told her then she needs to not be in a relationship with ANYONE! Because these guys don't deserve what she's doing to them.

The ONLY one who can fix this guy of yours and my lady friend is THEMSELVES you can support them. But they've got to want to heal they got to want to get over thier previous partner.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

[_Maya_]

I think you are going to have to talk about it and see where his head is at. If he is still hurt by the whole thing then he really hasn't gotten over it. That isn't fair to you that he still has those doubts. He should be treating you like a blank page to which you can write a new relationship story not dwell on past ones. That is easier said than done since being cheated on can really take a toll on someone. I think you need to figure out what the cause of the feelings he still has is. Like does he think you are going to or has insecurities now. Might as well get it out on the table now.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to him about it.