When your boyfriend goes from calling you beautiful and sexy to calling you cute and then to not saying anything, what does that mean?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Im guessing there’s deeper issues for this one to stand out so much. Not saying it isn’t a red flag to go from beautiful and sexy to cute, but I don't know if I’d take note of that if there weren’t other things going on as well. Like is he making you feel beautiful and sexy? Is this a matter of insecurity, not feeling attractive? This is what I’d be thinking about at least.

[Asker]

Lol just change really, doesn't text much often even though his got free time, has better things to do on weekends but usually couldn't wait to spend time with me , sleeps earlier now and complains about staying up yet used to get upset when I sleep earlier then 12am, doesn't make conversation only says one word answers or lol, doesn't say I love you much, doesn't seem interested, sends one text and then goes offline when I type yet is online longer when I'm not, doesn't use petnames like before , just babe and this is kinda one of my last signs lol just making sure I'm not just being clingy or seeing things where there's nothing

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you been together? Is this an LDR? I feel like those are all reasons to ultimately make it seem like he’s losing interest, it should be the opposite with him being consistent in his effort and prioritization of both you and your relationship.

[Asker]

Not so long , couple of months and yes long distance
Should be lol but isn't unfortunately

[Opinion Owner]

Having been in 2 LDR relationships and like 4 situationships (I am introverted and a gamer lol) I must say that not everyone is made for that arrangement. It’s fine in the beginning when everything is new, but at this juncture you start to get bored, run out of topics that aren’t repetitive like how was your day, how was work/school, what’s new with so and so, etc.
You need in-person interaction otherwise it’s very possible for someone who desires that physical connection to grow apart from the person they can’t get those dates, hang outs, and memories with virtually.
I’m not telling you this to make you feel as though the relationship is doomed or bleak — it’s not. I've just come to the realization that there has to be some silver linings to keep the relationship afloat. Like a solid plan to close the distance and not just fantasizing about the future. Feasible plans to hang out even twice a month where you aren’t missing work a bunch and have the money. All these things you have to take into account and wonder if it’s wearing on him as well. Otherwise you relationship will stop feeling real.

[Asker]

Well we decided to meet up this year cause it's different countries, we already decided on who would move, everything was planned out, everyone went well and then for like a week now just down the drain lol so yes I get what you mean but it's everything I've tried

[Opinion Owner]

Gosh, sorry to hear that. Maybe this can just be chopped up to an off week, but if things continue this way you might want to start thinking about the practicality of this relationship and if he’s really in it how you are. It really takes the right kind of person to be in an LDR, if that’s not his thing it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or want to be with you, it’s just too hard this way.

[Asker]

So after a week then might not just be an off week lol?

[Opinion Owner]

If it exceeds a week and continues to go downhill then unfortunately yeah, I’d say there’s a deeper issue. It sucks a lot because that probably isn’t what he wants, but the distance gets in the way so much. Like what if he’s not naturally as talkative and charismatic as he was when your connection was at its peak? What if this is who he actually is and it’s a guy who isn’t great with communicating through the phone and does better in relationships that are in person? Where you can just sit and chill while he games or does whatever as long as you’re spending time. Being LDR he can easily forget to put the controller down to call or text, or remember to check in when he’s not online chatting with the guys. This is a hypothetical situation of course, I don't know what his hobbies are lol just an example.

[Asker]

Lol it is gaming but if you have a partner isn't that a priority?

[Opinion Owner]

I swear it’s always the gaming lol I used to be in those communities/discords and the guys usually have similar traits. I think there are two categories: the men who really treat the game as a hobby and have no issue walking away vs the guys who want to spend all their free time with the guys online and keep a girlfriend as a means of companionship yet they suck as boyfriends.
I’m sure your boyfriend has many qualities you like as a person but as a boyfriend he isn’t well equipped. I don't know what his day job is but if he’s trying to build a career as a streamer I’d throw in the towel lol. Not saying that to be discouraging but he will become all but consumed with being online with his friends and building his platform. If he isn’t good at juggling personal life (girlfriend and family) vs online then he should be single.

[Asker]

Lol yeah his day job is 10 hours, he games and when his family is around we only talk during the night and now recently he does whatever he wants during the day and wants to talk at night lol and it kinda feels like I'm his pastime when his bored and not his priority lol he'd literally be watching a movie and wouldn't text me , wants to talk after 10 pm and I'm an hour ahead with time zones so if he wants to talk until 1am it's my 2am lol but then still complains and says before me he slept at 9pm so I should be happy his taking his time yet even when I sleep at 8pm his up until 1am online lol

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much an LOL’er but with how much you use it I feel like there’s something you know is wrong but trying to brush it off or make light of it. I feel like I don’t need to say this whole thing is red flaggy, as you already have an idea but love takes the lead I suppose…

[Opinion Owner]

Unless this is like super new and not a months-long issue, how do you navigate feeling a certain way but not getting much reassurance? All you can do is take his word for everything and see only what he wants you to see, whether it’s his friends around at the moment or painting this story of being so busy when he’s not…

[Asker]

😂I do apologize, lol is just a habit for me, brush things off kind of thing but yeah love lol but I don't think it's going to work just don't know how to let go

[Opinion Owner]

No need to be sorry! I wasn’t calling you out or anything, I use it a whole bunch lol but I’ve noticed I use it more when something is troubling me that I’m avoidant of or didn’t want to address. Like when I’d talk to my friends about a guy and I already know I have to downplay what he’s done or what I’m experiencing so they didn’t judge or think of me a certain way. It was actually more of a sign it was time to go though, so I guess my hunch about your situation was at least a bit correct.

I think it was easier to let go once I got tired of feeling all alone in the relationship. Like yeah you form those attachments and in a lot of ways your boyfriend is your bestie, so it can really feel like a loss when you cut him off. But at the same time what do you gain by staying, you know? Like you’ve adjusted and made yourself coexist with what he has to offer when in reality you deserve a lot more. Any friend you care about in this situation I know you’d tell them the same. You just have to remember you were fine before this guy and will be ok after him. The breakup would hurt a lot but you’re better on your own at this point….

[Asker]

Thank you, you have no idea how much I appreciate the advice, I'm kinda lost at the moment so it was really helpful 💕

[Asker]

You're absolutely right about everything

[meh51]

He's not interested in you anymore

[Asker]

Yeah I figured lol