What’s the difference between “gut feeling” and “trust issues”?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend has a history of lying but I’m giving him one last chance. The thing is though I have trust issues (even way before we started dating). Lately my spidey senses have been tingling again and I can’t tell if it’s because my gut feeling is telling me that he‘s being shady again or that it’s just my trust issues going wild.

Here‘s what I’ve been noticing from him (some suspicious, some positive)

• He’s taking forever to respond, sometimes leaves me on read (I never brought this up tho, just something I noticed)
• He’s 90% of the times in a bad mood when we do meet up
• He canceled on a date because he’s busy (he’s never done this in the 3 years we’ve been together)
• He’s less present when we do meet up, less chatty
• He texts on his phone when we’re together
• He leaves his phone behind when he leaves the room
• He gave me his phone passcode and told me that I can snoop if I want to (I don’t think I want to but I appreciate his gesture)
• He promised he won’t make the same mistake again and that he will be open this time around
• He said he’s a bit depressed because he can tell I’m really sad after what happened
• He said he wants to prove how serious he is about me and even suggested for us to get married as proof (I haven’t said yes)
  
  

[Summeroflove]

I think that this really depends trust issues many times comes down to one or two things (there are exceptions and it could be a mixture of both) it could be a gut feeling/intuition as well as just logical red flags that something’s going on many people have a feeling before it comes out. The second thing is lack of communication.

You’re right maybe you love him maybe he was great at the beginning, maybe you want to save this man from himself, but you cannot help someone who doesn’t want it all that will do is tear you apart even more it could even turn you into the monster he is.

If he has done nothing but lie, then you know something is going on because people like this will keep trying yo find ways to hide things form you. I’m not saying someone cannot change if they genuinely want to, but that’s a choice they have to make it doesn’t mean you have to allow these people to keep hurting you.

If you’re not happy in a relationship then you just need to break things off even if he’s a good person doesn’t he also deserve to be with someone where there is genuine love? Sometimes you have to know when something isn’t meant to be, especially if you can imagine marriage. Imagine if he puts a good act on and you get locked into marriage and he starts pulling the same shenanigans again.

You’re not stupid and probably can tell something is going on and if nothing is now you know something will. You’re probably right even if you cannot prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. People like this LOVE making it to where there is plausible deniability if that makes sense.

You really have a good heart you deserve so much more and there is someone out there who deserves the love and compassion you have a lot more then he does.

Maybe it’s better to end things on the best terms possible before something happens that causes a nasty breakup. I know the stages of grief deep down you know it’s over but the denial phase is a bitch. Maybe you think you can save what you once had, maybe you think if you do this or that you can save this, but at the end of the day I don’t think you’re happy with him anymore. It’s at least better to be single in peace then constantly having this over your head. You’re gonna have to grieve but it will be a thousand pound weight lifted off of you.

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm a big fan of something called "Occam's Razor." Occam's Razor basically says that the solution/explanation that requires you to make the fewest number of assumptions is usually the best.

In your case, you could separate a gut instinct from trust issues by asking whether the concern you have is being brought about by something that was actually said/done, or if you have needed to fill additional things in to be concerned.

For example, suppose your boyfriend takes a long time to text you. It's probably not a reasonable concern to assume he is cheating on you, based solely on how long he takes to return your text.

[Agape93]

A gut feeling is instinct, trust issues is learned reactions

[jahaims]

Trust issues are when someone is projecting their insecurities