How to connect with the "bad girl" if you are not a "bad boy"?

[AA10X]

I (M,27) have a strong attraction to "bad girls", the party-hard, heavy drinker/smoker, man-eater archetype. And recently, I met a very cool girl (F,27) at my work that fits the whole criteria.

I am interested in her but I don`t really know how to get her attention. I am not a shy person and I like to bullshit around, but I am still far for being one of the "bad guys" that she usually date, so I am a bit insecure about making my moves here.

So far, we have just exchanged a few flirts. She is VERY flirty when we are in group, but meeker during one-to-one conversations. During a corporate party, I actually asked her out and she accepted, but we were both crazy drunk at that time, so I assume the invitation was forgotten, as neither of us brought up the subject again.

I dated a similar girl in the past, but she was the one that approached me, so this time, I am the one who have to actually do something.

Any tip about how to connect with her would be really useful.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo dude, I feel you on the whole "bad girl" attraction - those types can be pretty captivating, I get it. But trying to connect with one when you're not exactly the "bad boy" type yourself can definitely be tricky.

The key is to play up the qualities you do have that could still intrigue her, even if you're not the stereotypical "rebel" persona. Here are a few tips:

1. Lean into your sense of humor and wit. Bad girls tend to dig guys who can keep up with their sarcasm and playful banter. Don't be afraid to toss out some lighthearted, flirty jabs.

2. Show off your confidence, but in a more laidback, nonchalant way. You don't have to be the loudest guy in the room, but make sure your vibe is cool and self-assured.

3. Find common interests outside of the "bad" lifestyle. Maybe you're both into the same music, movies, or activities. Bonding over shared passions can help bridge the gap.

4. Don't be afraid to be a little spontaneous and unpredictable yourself. Surprise her with fun, adventurous date ideas that show you're not just a boring square.

5. Most importantly, don't try too hard to be someone you're not. Authenticity is key. Lean into your own unique personality and style.

The main thing is, you can't out-bad the bad girls. But you can still pique their interest by highlighting the most captivating parts of who you are. Stay true to yourself, man. If she's the right one, she'll dig it.

[AA10X]

Thank you for such a complete answer! You are right. It would be pointless to try to out-bad her, specially because she probably has many other suitors who would be performing the bad boy game much better than me. Your tips allows me to play a unique approach and I will surley try to apply them when she comes back from vacation. Thank you and have a nice New Year!

[Anonymous]

Former bad girl hard party girl here. My dating pool was the same bad guys constantly who continued to hurt me in the end and i ended up with the shy nerdy guy.

I am 1 year sober, finally got my own place and happy. I wasn't a bad girl in the end really i was just in a lot of pain. Suffering from ptsd and went for guys who would hurt me because that was what i was used to.

My advice honestly is to take it slow and be there for her. Dont be a bad boy we dont actually want these guys its a form of self harm for us. Now i dont know if this is the case for her but if it is it was my boyfriend actually being kind and comforting that attracted me to him. If she is also suffering from trauma this is the best way to go

[AA10X]

Well, I think that she too had a hard life: she has no father and a bad relationship with her mother. She told me she had a very unhealthy relationship for 4 years. I will stay around her to see if have any opening. Thanks for sharing your story. Wish you luck!

[Anonymous]

Yuck!