Girls, Why aren't men supposed to ask if a woman is mad at them or if their relationship is ok?

[Anonymous]

There seems to be a lot of information online that if a woman starts to pull back, seem distant, etc., that a man asking if she is mad at him or asking if everything is OK with them is supposedly insecure or that a man shouldn't chase and I guess shouldn't seek clarity because it comes across as lacking confident, and all of that stuff, but what is wrong with a guy trying to see if a woman is mad at him if he hasn't heard from her or trying to see if he's done something wrong, if everything is good with them, etc? What's wrong with wanting clarity and what's wrong with effective communication?

[DishLady]

Who said that?

Personally I wouldn't ask "mad" bc the term implies "crazy" and not just "upset". "Are you upset about something?" or "What's wrong?" are ok to ask.

There's also a good and bad way to ask about the status of a relationship. My ex used to ask about the status of the relationship after every time we had sex. Literally the moment we were washed up and cuddling, completely spent and smiling... He'd ask. After the third time I asked him why he felt he had to have this conversation right after sex... and he answered, "Women like to know where they stand in a relationship."

I laughed and pointed out that (1) we'd just been intimate for the __th time and (2) we're still here together and spending the day, etc. Then I asked... "Did you enjoy what we just did?" (Yeah.) "Ok, so why do we have to have the heavy moment right after? How's about this..." I kissed him and tugged him over to the front door/mudroom. "Whenever you come over, you'll put your coat and shoes and stuff all here as always, ok?" (Ok.) "Then you'll ask me your status question and whip out your UL Checklist, ok?"

He laughed. "Ok."

We had a very happy two-year run after that.

THE POINT IS... It's FINE to ask about the relationship or to ask when something is upsetting, but you guys need to work on your timing and such.

[Nikki1989]

Have you ever been in a realtionship?

I am calling bullshit on this bollocks.

[Noredcarpet]

Yeah I have heard that too. Why u ask, because it is tactic fight another tactic meaning the one who began to withdraw in the first place without explaination is the one who first did wrong, right? No proper communication, so a tactic then. Now u who are strong enough, stable enough, have a safe attachment style, u of cource would want to do the right thing and ask what's wrong? Etc. Only u are dealing with someone who can not measure up to your level so u are then threatening to them, and they feel small or what ever, so the risk is then higher if u do this that they will wothdraw more or get out of the picture completely. So the advice then giving is to let them withdraw, and then when they have dealt with what ever it now was, they will come back.

Now, I can perdonally say from my own experiences that this sort of thing does not work for me.

You have a safe attachment style and of cource you should be better off with your own kind, but it happens that the avoidants or anxious avoidants... there is a bunch of them... they attach themselves to a safe one. More common is that they attach themselves to a not safe one, but anyways. Studies has shown that they eventually settle, right, they start to feel safe too. But I do not know about that. Maybe Im just pessimitic from my own experiences right now. Anyways, I just wanted to try to explain.

[beenherebefore]

If you're in a committed relationship you must ask if everything is okay. If it's just a girl you're dating go with the flow. Also not everything that is written on the internet should be taken seriously nor word by word.

[supercutebutt]

All people secretly resent or despise each other. If they don't today, they will tomorrow. We are a failed species.

[Chocolatetwopoint3]

I feel like you should know how your own relationship is going.

[Asker]

Yes, but what I'm saying is, if a woman is being distant or acting differently, perhaps not responding much to text messages, why do people say that it makes a man look insecure to try to ask directly what's wrong?

[Chocolatetwopoint3]

literally why says that?

[Anonymous]

Seems to be a lot of information. Bullshit.