Would women be turned off by a 36-year-old man with no sexual experience?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 36-year-old man who has never been in a physical relationship. I’ve had a few long-distance relationships, but I’ve never been kissed, never had sex, and I’m still a virgin.
A lot of this came from a lack of confidence. I always thought I was unattractive despite friends telling me I was handsome and that girls would ask about me in high school. After having my heart crushed twice—once in high school and once afterward—I basically stopped pursuing relationships. I spent my entire 20s and most of my 30s avoiding dating and eventually convinced myself I was just meant to be alone.
Shortly before turning 36, I finally got tired of feeling lonely and decided to put myself out there. I made profiles on Facebook Dating, Hily, Match and Tinder, and honestly, I was surprised by how many matches I got. Women have called me handsome and shown genuine interest. There’s currently one woman in particular who seems very attracted to me and wants to meet in person.

The problem is that I have zero physical experience. I’ve never kissed anyone, and I’m extremely embarrassed about it. I’m worried that when I eventually become intimate with someone, they’ll be disappointed by how inexperienced I am.
So ladies, I’d genuinely like to hear your perspective: If you were interested in a 36-year-old man and found out he had never kissed anyone or had sex, would that be a major turnoff? Would you be understanding? And would you want him to tell you beforehand? I genuinely need to know if this is something women consider a deal breaker or whatever. Am I overthinking it?

I’m looking for honest answers, even if they aren't what I want to hear. You can be blunt, just please don't be unnecessarily cruel. Constructive honesty would really help.

[HollyK21]

To answer you bluntly: No, I don’t think being inexperienced at your age is an automatic deal breaker. Sure, we can say some women might find it unexpected, but many others (especially in our mid to late 30s) value fundamental qualities most, like honesty, emotional maturity, and no baggage from past relationships.

I’ve yet to comment on your posts, but I have seen them and noticed you seem very worried about how a woman will receive your lack of physical experience. Honestly, I think you may be focusing on the wrong thing right now. Instead, maybe you should look into understanding “why” or “how” you’ve been single for so long. I’d also say your lack of intimacy is just a result of the emotional walls you’ve built after getting hurt years ago. Women (who are worth your time) will care much less about your physical skills, and much more about whether you’ve healed and are really ready to let someone in.

So yeah, I’d say you’re overthinking the physical aspect. In my opinion, intimacy is mostly about communication, reading cues, enthusiasm — things you can easily do or have without experience. You also don't need to confess everything on the first date. If you build a solid connection and things naturally progress, you can simply say you want to take things slow because you don't have a lot of experience. I also think your performance in bed should be set on a person to person basis, meaning the priority is learning what she likes and vice versa, rather than applying what several women from the past have enjoyed. You don’t wanna treat them all the same.

Anyway, focus on getting to know this woman as a person first, rather than treating the date like some physical exam you have to pass. You've already proven to yourself that you aren't meant to be alone, so give yourself some grace.

[Asker]

Thank you for your insightful comment. I was alone for so long because I was scared of feeling hurt again. Truth be told, I am a hopeless romantic. Anytime I watch a movie that focuses on love, I'm always fighting back tears because I'm watching something unfold on screen that I've always wanted to experience but the fear of getting my heart broken held me back. I protected myself from heart break but in doing so, I robbed myself of the opportunity of finding something beautiful.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t consider it a deal breaker at all. If I genuinely liked a man, his age or lack of sexual experience wouldn’t suddenly make me less interested in him.

I might be a little surprised at first, but I’d probably see it as something personal rather than something embarrassing. Everyone has a different path. Some people date young, some people spend years avoiding relationships, and some just never found the right person.

I also wouldn’t expect him to pretend he knows what he’s doing. If anything, I’d rather he tell me when things start getting serious. I’d actually find it kind of sweet if he admitted he was nervous. It would make me more patient and help me understand why he might be a little awkward.

And I really wouldn't worry about being perfect the first time. Kissing and sex aren't exams you pass or fail. You learn each other as you go. If the woman already likes you, she's probably going to care much more about how comfortable, respectful, affectionate, and genuine you are than whether you've had experience with five or fifty women.

The fact that women are already matching with you, calling you handsome, and showing interest tells me that you may have spent years believing something about yourself that simply wasn't true. Don't let your lack of experience convince you that you're somehow behind everyone else. You're just starting later than some people.

I’d say go meet the woman who’s interested in you. Let her get to know the actual you instead of rejecting yourself for her before she even gets the chance. ❤️

[HollyK21]

LOL, how’s it we are basically writing the exact same thing, but you somehow post after me… like whoah!

[Asker]

Hey thank you for your insightful comment. Yeah I lacked confidence but now I'm realizing how wrong I was. I was protecting my heart from heartbreak but really ended up robbing myself of something beautiful and I honestly wish I hadn't done that

[RespectfulGuy]

Why do you want to date? Just to have sex, or seeking marriage.

If only to have sex, my opinion don't apply. If for marriage, read on.

1. Girls who ONLY want sex or money is not worthy of any man who sincerely seeks love and marriage.

2. Are you self sufficient, or in the matter of marriage, able to provide? If yes, then it's the girl who need to match up your standard, not sex.

3. Promiscuous lifestyle is everywhere. This make it hard to find love. Hence if you're a person seeking love, the burden is now on the girl to show love too, not sex.

Why do I know these? Because I was a virgin. On my wedding day, and so was my wife. And I'm thankful after nearly 3p years, we're still learning how to have better sex together. 🤣

[OneViewpoint]

Yeah, I'm afraid so. The lack of experience is connected to the lack of confidence. And that is what will kill any feeling of attraction for a woman.

[rose_noire]

You're not behind, you're just on a different timeline. Honestly.

I wouldn't be turned off at all. I'd be touched that you told me.

Most women aren't looking for a performance, we're looking for someone who's present, gentle, and actually cares how we feel.

Experience doesn't teach you that, character does.

The fact that you had the courage to put yourself out there after years of pulling away? That's attractive. That's confidence.

Tell her before it gets physical, but not like a confession. Just simply, "Hey, I want you to know I haven't done this before, so I might be a little nervous."

A good woman will hear that and feel safe, not disappointed.

You're not overthinking being nervous, that's human.

You're overthinking that it makes you less worthy. It doesn't.

[lilBigPotato]

It might raise some questions but isn't an automatic red flag.

[Asker]

I always figured women preferred a man with experience but now I'm learning that was a flawed way of thinking.

[Abbycado]

No, we all start with no experience at some point.

[Nikki1989]

Personally, yes, I would be turned off. Major red flag. If the man was 21, I could give it a pass, just.

[Monoc]

You blow (ock

[slatyb]

Have you considered professional counseling? Maybe you should hire a professional and get a little experience.

[Anonymous]

yeah another reminder of cases that fill me with lots of resentment

[Monoc]

Only the trash ones