What are the signs a girl is pretending not to like you vs not actually liking you?

[Anonymous]

For example she can seem interested one day but completely the opposite the next

[Anonymous]

Based on my experiences, hot/cold behavior can suggest that she is interested in you, but doesn't want to show it. When I was younger and less experienced with girls, I would joke around with them while thinking that I didn't have a chance with a particular girl (this poor attitude cost me quite a few potential hook-ups over the years).

Now, I would say that you would usually encounter hot/cold behaviors in situations where you repeatedly see a girl such as work, school, etc. As I mentioned, I would joke around with girls, then the next few times I saw them, they would be ice cold and I would have no idea what happened.

My self-esteem was in the toilet because I was inexperienced, socially awkward, ugly because of acne, and a bad dresser. So, when they went cold on me, I thought that I had screwed something up (like so many times before), so I withdrew, felt bad about myself, and moved on with my depressing life. However, I didn't want any of the girls to know that I was affected by it, so I pretended like I didn't care, when in reality, I cared very much as I tied my self-worth to her opinion of me.

After a while of pretending not to care, they would eventually become nice again because they noticed going cold didn't appear to be working. I noticed this exact same pattern over and over again as I grew older. Whenever I encounter this behavior from girls, I start to suspect that they are actually interested in me, especially when they were happy and feeling good in my presence in the previous interactions. Even now, if I am joking around with an attractive girl who I don't think would like me and she suddenly gets cold, I assume that she is likely interested (although I never assume 100%).

I'm not suggesting that you use aloof behavior to manipulate girls into liking you because that would be setting up a power struggle from the beginning, but I say this because I've noticed the hot/cold and back to hot pattern before. You're better off taking a risk right off the bat by stating your intention to the girl that you are interested in as soon as appropriately possible and either have her accept or reject your advance. It'll save you a lot of time, frustration, and you won't get caught up in wishful thinking. In other words, it'll do wonders for your sanity.

[CaliforniaMe]

Pretending: -You stare into her eyes & smile, and she walks away (possiblely because she's smiling and doesn't want you to see)
- She completely ignores or doesn't acknowledge your existence after saying hi to everyone else in the room (Most obvious one, yet so confusing)
- She plays hard to get, not in a mean way, but a I'm going to make you work harder kind of way

Not pretending: She acts herself around you, Isn't afraid to let it all hang out lol (Most girls are cautious of there every move around the guy they like)
- She talks to you like a friend, or a nobody, not in a shy way
- You look at her and smile and she looks away creeped out. or like what is he looking at?
- You wait for her after class, or work etc... And she leaves fast which means she didn't pick up you where waiting for her which most women do

[Anonymous]

Believe me you will know when she doesn't like you. Because then she will not talk to you at all. If she has to out of courtesy, she will answer coldly or get out of the situation with some sort of excuse. She might not even smile at you. If she's just pretending, her actions will vary from one day to the next because she's not sure whether you like her or not. Her actions are more consistent when she doesn't like you at all. If you like her, try to show consistency in your actions so she'll do the same. You will know then.

[Asker]

So hot and cold behavior could suggest she's pretending?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. It's a big indicator. What are the specifics anyway?

[Asker]

Lol it's probably best I don't go into all the specifics it's very complicated. In a nutshell her attitude towards me is constantly changing. For several days she can act very cold and barely speak or make eye contact with me. If I smile at her she may look as if I'm boring her or she hates me. Then out of the blue she may act warm for a couple of days. Acting really friendly, asking how I am etc. She may even request to spend time with me such as lunch time.

[Opinion Owner]

From what you're saying, it doesn't sound like she doesn't like you. If she sometimes asks you how you are or wants to spend time together. When she asked you to spend lunch time together, would it have been just you two or with someone else? What kind of scenario is this, in the workplace, college, neighbors? And about the eye contact and speaking with you, maybe she felt she's always initiating the conversation. If she asks you do you give short answers? If you do, she might have thought you dont really want to talk to her. Maybe she saw you with another girl? Do you even see each other every day? Girls can be very fickle sometimes so if they dont see you too often they can think of so many ways to appear indifferent because they dont want to get hurt if the guy turned out to be uninterested in them.

[Asker]

It is in the workplace, and when she asked to spend lunch time together it was just the 2 of us. For 3 days a few months ago she went very warm and started texting me and asking how I was each day. I try to initiate conversations as well, I wouldn't say I always give short answers. We see each other most days.

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty complex. I think she likes you before. I'm not sure if she still does. Show signs of your interest in her. Maybe she'll start acting warm again once it becomes clear to her that you're interested too.