Women coming on too strong?

[Ladamallama]

Question for men: describe what is it that a woman does or says that you consider she is coming on too strong (if possible with examples from experience) ?

Why is it a turn off?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks to everyone for their input.
I also wonder does it mostly happen in the beginning stage of a relationship (like just met, started talking etc) or can it also be a thing some time down the road (not necessarily wedding plans but like wanting to spend more time together, initiating sexy to mes, talking, meeting for dates etc)?
Is there a difference if "coming on too strong" is sexual in nature?

[Smoothing]

For me coming on too strong is a woman throwing herself at me before I ha e even got to know her and now she expects me reciprocate straight away. As nice as it is, when a woman throws herself to me, I have found that it can be a shock to my system. I need to take a breather and step back and decide how much I like her I. e. see how I feel. It is even worse when she begins manipulating me by gowing for other guys and expects me to feel jealous and chase her. First of all, she caught me off guard when she threw herself on me. Why would I chase her. I need a breather.

Now if she takes her time and continues being friendly and gentle, there is a high chance I will grow into her. If she starts the manipulation of trying to get me to reciprocate, that is coming on to stoo strong. It is a total turn off.

[Chris_78456]

I think it's the same as if a guy is coming on to strong to you.

She acts like she knows me when we just met and she's pushy. She seems desperate and impulsive. She's pressuring me and catching me off guard. It's a weird feeling because she isn't giving me any room to catch my breath and decide if I like her too. I don't get to chase her back at all, she's just a woman on a mission and I wonder if she even really likes me. It's just too much too soon and it feels forced. Why does she want a relationship when I have no clue who she is yet? Agenda?

I'm not saying that it's impossible to meet somebody and you just click and the chemistry and attraction is unstoppable, but it has to be mutual, not just one-sided. That's when it feels like someone is coming on too strong.

[Ladamallama]

thanks for your input. These are some great points. So would you say if you had the time/room to decide that you actually like her and are attracted to her strongly, then her coming on too strong would not feel as a turn off or a big deal? or would it still be weird somehow?
is taking it slow a good alternative?

[Chris_78456]

I think as long as their's mutual physical attraction it's a good idea to give the other person a bit of a chance to get to know you. They need to feel comfortable and show signs of interest in you. Otherwise you run the risk of spooking them and pushing them away. I believe that some people are used to chasing a bit and they want to decide on you, not necessarily have someone pushed on them. Plus, if people try too hard at first it can come across as if they have no value, they're just free if you want them. By don't try too hard I don't mean to be quiet and snobby, but rather just keep a healthy distance at first, do your own thing, be sociable, but not too aggressive. Not coming on too strong, too soon are just learned social skills. I know sometimes you want someone so bad that it's difficult to play it cool, but it's probably worth it to let them warm up to you and see if they actually like you, before you profess your love. Impress them, attract them, rather than attack them, lol.

[Ladamallama]

Thank you, that's a very helpful perspective! Sounds like waiting for a mutual feeling and not trying to rush or push things is a way out

[Chris_78456]

In regards to your update, for me it's usually in the beginning stages.
My very first kiss when I was a teen was an example of coming on too strong. I was at a party sitting by a campfire and a girl from my science class came and sat beside me. She was just a girl from my class we barely ever talked to each other. She was friends with other girls I knew. Anyway, she was kinda buzzed and she was talking about her family problems. I was drinking a beer and looking at the fire, then she put her head on my shoulder. Keep in mind this is the same girl who was making fun of my science homework a week before because I had the wrong textbook. Not only that but she had a boyfriend. She has her head on my shoulder and the next thing you know she's kissing me. I was shocked and not even sure what was happening, I had never been kissed before yet, lol. Then we went inside and held each other on the couch for a while. The next morning I felt awkward and I called her on the phone. I told her she's better off to stay with her boyfriend. The point of the story is that I never saw this girl coming for me, I didn't know she liked me, and she never even acted like she liked me in school. Maybe if she had ever talked to me prior or was even nice to me, maybe I would've saw her that way but I didn't. The funny part to me was at the next party she saw me and she purposely started making out with her boyfriend in front of me hardcore to make me jealous, but I just stood there, I didn't care at all, lol.

[Anonymous]

Women coming on too strong is not an real issue for most men. If a man is interested in you or find you desirable, you don't have to worry about coming on too strong. But that doesn't mean every guy you show interest in is going to be receptive.

I have lost count a long time ago of how many times I've seen a woman say something like "I tried approaching a guy and it didn't go well. Guys obviously don't like women taking the initiative". Guys experience rejection constantly. Can you imagine if guys decided women don't like being approached the first time they experienced rejection? The human race would have gone extinct a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

When she gets sexual in nature. Starts touching me and whatnot when I hardly know her. I don't roll like that no matter how attractive she is. You have to earn my trust first and that takes time. Some of these women actually may be interested. But most likely it's a game to them. Either way it's a big turn off to me.

[bowenw]

Making assumptions that our relationship is further along than it is. For example a female friend of mine once suggested go to a store to start working on our wedding gift registry.

[Kaneki05]

I wish they did that. Don't see how that's a problem lol.

[Ladamallama]

lol. maybe you are thinking of the ones you like.

[Kaneki05]

Well yes but I am often one to like those who like me. Plus them coming onto me makes it much less awkward for me more for them really.