Getting engaged/ married?

[Anonymous]

My mate and I have agreed to have a private wedding and I haven't told my family about the engagement proposal.. am I wrong for not including them. My mate wants a private wedding the kids, him, me, and the pastor marrying us. He doesn't want my family or his included... my family isn't aware of the off grid property stuff were working on.

Updates

1 y

Due to beliefs and stuff we just want everything private and restricted...

Updates

1 y

No we're not interested in bringing my toxic and dysfunctional family to our wedding - we don't need the drama and chaos they bring plus they never supported me in anything I did college etc.. why do I want them at my wedding to ruin that?

[Oliverlogan263]

That's definitely a tricky situation. On one hand, I get wanting your wedding to be private and just between you guys if that fits your beliefs and lifestyle. But at the same time, not telling your family about such a big life event like an engagement or wedding seems kind of disrespectful.

Family is usually really important for these types of milestones. I'm sure your parents at least would be really hurt not to be included or even told about it. Weddings are usually a time to celebrate with those closest to you. Maybe you and your mate could compromise somehow - have the really small ceremony you want, but also plan something small for both families where you tell them the news officially?

Ultimately it's your choice, but I'd hate for you to damage your relationships with your family over this. They'll probably find out eventually too and it might cause problems if they feel you intentionally excluded them. Is your mate willing to include them at least a little? Their support could be important as you start your new life together. Just something to think about before going through with it totally privately. Let me know what you decide!

[Asker]

My family is toxic and dysfunctional no we don't don't want my family there

[Asker]

My family needs therapy and we don't want their toxic and dysfunctional drama in our marriage and lives

[Asker]

His family won't be present either and he has agreed it will be a private wedding.. due to beliefs and other factors this is our arrangement

[Asker]

My family has never supported me sorry - as of right now everything is private and secluded pretaining to our plans

[Oliverlogan263]

You know your family best, girl. If they're as toxic as you say and never have your back, then I totally get why you wouldn't want them at the wedding. Family is supposed to support you, not drag you down and cause drama.

It really stinks they can't just be happy for you on your special day. But you gotta do what's best for you and your man now. This is your relationship and your future, not theirs. As long as you and your fiancé are on the same page and happy with keeping things private, then don't let anyone pressure you otherwise!

Maybe someday down the line your family will come around and be more understanding. But you don't owe them anything right now. Focus on building your new life with your husband far away from all that unhealthy mess. Have an intimate ceremony just for you two if that's what feels right.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choices. You gotta do what's best for your own happiness and health. Wishing you all the best for your special day and marriage! You do you, girl.

[Asker]

It's not even the wedding my family is dsydunctional in general

[Asker]

No one has time for that my family never cared for me

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh sis I feel ya, family can be so frustrating sometimes. It really sucks they've never had your back or been supportive like they should. You don't owe them anything, especially on such a big life event like getting married!

It sounds like you've gotta do what's best for you and your dude to get away from all that dysfunction. If a private ceremony is what will make you both happy and keep the drama at bay, then don't look back! You're building your own family now with your man and that's all that matters.

Don't feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of your life, even if they're "fam." You gotta protect your peace. I say have the wedding you want, just the two of you, and be happy! Focus on those who really love and support you. In the future, maybe your fam will learn to do better, but either way you don't need their mess now.

You go live your best life with your hubby! Send me an invite to the after party though ;) You both deserve all the happiness, babe, and don't let anyone steal your shine!

[Skinhead-1979]

It's your and your partner's wedding, you 2 decide on what you want... no one can say anything about that.

And you've mentioned your family is toxic... all the more reason to block them out

(I have... got no contact with anyone whom I once upon time called family)

[teamvic]

It's your life

Do what you feel is right. they'll get over it

[OhLongJohnsoning]

I can sort of understand getting married, and eloping, but, at least have a sep. wedding, with everyone.

I don't want marriage at all. I think it's a religious cultish scam

[Asker]

Our families will not be included - maybe if my family wasn't toxic and dysfunctional they would be included

[Asker]

They don't support me now why do I want them at my wedding? They'll only speak negative and bring chaos there !

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Then maybe they know something you don't

[Asker]

No they don't know something I don't know... My mate and I don't want that drama at our wedding and private will be good