Do We Really Want to Be Understood, or Just Agreed With?

[MontBlanc]

People often say they just want to be understood.

They want someone to hear their side, understand where they're coming from, and see why they reacted the way they did.

But being understood doesn't necessarily mean being agreed with. Someone can understand why you're hurt and still think you handled things badly.

They can understand what you've been through and still tell you that you're responsible for what you do now. They can care about you and still say something you don't want to hear.

We can acknowledge someone's feelings without automatically excusing their behavior, and we can disagree with someone's choices without making their emotions invalid.

Yet, sometimes the moment someone challenges us, we assume they don't understand us at all.

So, how much of our desire to be understood is actually a desire to feel validated?

If someone genuinely understands us but doesn't agree with our choices, can we accept that without becoming defensive?

And if someone can see our perspective without automatically taking our side, can we accept that as genuine understanding?

[sage2021]

Some people have already made up their mind about understanding you and they don't understand you even before you get a explain what happened.

A lot of people have caught on to that and have stopped over explaining themselves and just go silent.

I think that we all want to be understood, especially after we have explained ourselves, but some people will still refuse to understand us.

[Nikki1989]

Many people enter conversations claiming they want to be understood, but what they are usually begging for is to be validated.

[jahaims]

Only stupid people want people to blindly agree and follow

[AngryCarl3]

The second one. Agreed with. Just smile and nod.

[midnightmoon05]

On gag? Most seem to just want us to agree.

[NathanDavis]

both