Am I not supposed to fulfill greater purposes in life?

[IHaveRespawned]

I was always so career-oriented, ever since I was a child. I always imagined being more successful in my career life by now, seeing that I just recently turned 32.

I have been told by numerous teachers (and even a college faculty member) that I am an exceptional writer. I worked as an Advanced EMT for several years, gaining experience and knowledge in both the healthcare and public safety lines of work. From there, I explored an entirely different line of work: software development. I taught myself a vast amount of languages, libraries, frameworks, tools, and other technologies. Sadly, a combination of different factors just completely derailed me: struggles with severe mental illesss over a decade, a stalking and harassment conviction with collateral damages, and advancements in AI causing me to rethink my career paths entirely. I have held a total of 25 jobs in a span of 15 years, and I am currently working my 26th role (part time).

Now as it stands today at age 32, I am a nobody in society. I am at least very fortunate to be married to the love of my life and having a roof over my head (thanks to my parents), but I am reliant of Social Security Disability (SSDI) income and a part time security job that pays $16.50 an hour/24 hours a week.

I feel like I am meant for something better in life and feel lost, career speaking. I am not a homeowner, and even without rent or mortgage payments I feel financially drained and unstable. I feel I am fighting this depression as if I am not living up to my full potential. I feel this intense, prolonged burnout. I don't even know what I am passionate for anymore.

Yes

No

See poll

[Laws-Of-Existence]

Whenever i help 1 person i get pissed that i cannot help everyone. I get pissed that i cannot magically fix all suffering in the world at once. At the same time i think about how the impossible happens all the time, extremely good luck and extremely bad as if there is a thing akin to fate.

If reincarnation is there then we are surely more than just a bunch of atoms colliding oddly enough to form consciousness, then mental health is more than just trying to arrange matter in a pleasing way. ㅤ

[ChiTown33]

You're looking at it the wrong way man. I get it! You're not where you want to be and that's just unbridled drive, pure and simple. Good for you! You have not lost that fire. But what you're not taking into consideration is all the lives you've touched in those 25 jobs and 15 years. You made all those places better with you drive and enriched countless lives while you were there. It may not have been your plan but clearly it was God's plan. And he don't make mistakes. Your doing this with your mental illness just shows your fortitude. I know you didn't pick it. But you're still handling like a champ. Allow yourself to pat yourself on the back and if you won't allow me to to do it.🫸 You're going to get there man. Don't give up!💯💪

[exitseven]

I think that you are really supposed to be in some public service role. It seems like you are well suited for that and it would not be made obsolete by AI.

[IHaveRespawned]

I am a part time security guard right now. My workplace just repaired our Trikke. It is kick ass and has a built in siren.
Sadly, I am disqualified from most public safety and healthcare roles due to my previous involuntary hospitalizations, misdemeanor stalking and harassment convictions from years ago, and my disciplinary action on my Advanced EMT license as a result from that
Software engineering was really my golden ticket at one point. It didn't require a professional license and privileges couldn't be taken away. It didn't require a degree. It didn't require upfront substantial capital. Just skill. Now it has become essentially obsolete within just a few years.

[msc545]

I have no idea. If you believe in God, ask God.

[IHaveRespawned]

I pray to God, yes. I just feel lost and completely derailed right now. I feel I was meant to do something bigger.

[Cidknee]

Sure, but God may need you to do your part.

[IHaveRespawned]

My part? Please give an example. Are you implying I am being lazy and/or not doing enough?

[Cidknee]

I don't have any idea, missy.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t you still passionate for stalking minors?

[IHaveRespawned]

Lol, no. I am married now.