Search Results: learning to trust

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I've had a crush on my best female friend for over a year now but she has said she's not interested despite often showing otherwise. We are very close and trust each other.

Many times now she has allowed me to use her laptop or phone without her being around to watch me and I've done this with her too. One time leaving my computer at her place for a month while I travel overseas. Every time I have been tempted to see who she's been talking to (other guys?), what about, and if she every talks about me. Every time I've resisted.

The other day I broke this. I was on her laptop and looked at some of her messages for the last week. I then deleted the history of me looking.

There was no other guys of interest. She never said anything to suggest she is interested in another guy to her 2 close gfs (although the messages were in a language im just learning). In fact the only guy she had talked to in 4 days was me, and i was the only unmarried male friend for a week.

There is some relief in what I read but I have to admit I do feel terrible for breaking her trust and I wish I hadn't. It wasn't worth it. Im really disappointed in myself.

How bad is this? Would you ever do it? Have you ever done this?