I'm Not Rushing into a Relationship and Sex for a Few Reasons

[JustJules]

I prefer to trust a person before I do anything with them. I want to learn what I can about them and what their history is. I want them to know mine also.

I know some may say "You are a virgin still why?" Honestly, do you want to rush into something and live to regret that later on?:

After my last relationship with a guy, I realized I should be careful with what I do and even at that time when it came to sexual things I waited a while to do anything. It's just what makes me comfortable and I want the man I am with to not feel rushed either.

I have anxiety and I do all I can to keep myself calm. It's not the worst kind and rather manageable and I learned how to handle it. Part of that is me keeping pace and not rushing things. This is what keeps me healthy.

I am not in a relationship just for sex:

I am looking for the right man to share my life with and yes sex is a part of it but so are a lot of other things. The first thing I would do once engaged to a man is sit down and perhaps go over what I have to bring to the table. That could be money or property and personal items. That also includes any student loans I am paying off. Sex is nice but it's not going to be the main thing.

Perhaps I am a serious person or it could be how I was raised to always consider what I am about to do and the things that can happen because of it.

What about kids?:

I would like to have kids and for many, that's a very straight forward thing. In my case, I want to be prepared. I have a few learning disabilities and some may be genetic but I am not sure yet because of my adoption and not having a history of my parents. My parents spent a college tuition worth of money just to get me through regular schooling. If that's what my child would need also or close to it then I want them to have it and every opportunity to have a good education.

Yes, I am cautious but I am looking to the future and not just the now.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

I am the same way. Even got criticized for it by my ex once or twice. She told me we were adult enough. That's all true and is why I was not rushing into it and full of anxiety bout it. My ex before that constantly wanted sexual things were as I did not and I don't think she ever really understood. Sexual things can feel great, but getting to know each other's personalities and thoughts is way more important. I guess because I've seen what pregnancy can do is a huge reason I stay away from it. I can't imagine the chaos an unexpected pregnancy can cause but I've seen people go through it. They act happy, but I doubt they fully are. Also, it's a consent thing too. In my mind, the woman goes through pregnancy so if she wants it, then maybe but if I push for it, I feel that's just wrong. I think you are very smart for thinking about this :D And with the children thing, remember that adoptions and getting tubes tied are options. So there are solutions.

[JustJules]

I'm an adopted child so I know all about it. I would only get my tubes tide as a last resort. Thank you for the support!

[Apope16]

The problem with the article and your answer is you csnt define what rushing is. Its subjective. Its pejorative. For some people waiting a year isvtoo fast. Its also sexist because who defines if something is too fast or slow? The man or the woman? Waiting? Lol. For how long? Until marriage? 3 dates? A year?

[JustJules]

@Apope16 i'm sorry this upset you that much. I did the MyTake about myself and how I wanted to wait. I am not sexist and I was not trying to be. I never put a limit on how long I would wait for a reason.

Have a nice day!

[errorgoodnameunfound]

No prob. Never let the haters get ya down either. They act like its their job to pick fights and be stupid. Often seems like their only job. 😂 In the end, peeps like you and me win.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@Apope16 Dude. aren't you one of the ones I fought with before too? Dont you have a real job? Ik you voted Bernie. I did too. You are NOT reping us well!

[maggiemoo3]

it's totally fine take things slow, dont ever feel pressured to do something.

[Apope16]

I think its best to rush into sex and gradually establish a relationship. Gotta test the engine first.

[JustJules]

I know somone who did that in highschool and I watched them go downhill slowly. The relationship ended very badly.

[Apope16]

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis worked out ptetty well.

[JustJules]

I just think its a bad idea I was also not raised to be that way. To each their own.

[Apope16]

Fo shizzle my nizzle. I wasn't raised that way either. Rejected evangelism I grew up with as nothing but poo. But to each her own.

[all_knowledge_hurts]

i feel the same way about that, of course sex is a part of a romantic relationship, but it shouldn't be the the most important thing in a relationship. to me, listening to music together and having late night deep conversations with my SO is the best thing about our relationship, if i had to lose every aspect of my relationship but keep one, i'd keep that late night listening and discussions. it's simply the way i feel closest to a person if we can talk to 5 am and still be interested in talking more. that way you know that you are compatible and would be great partners in life.

[killergoku999]

The problm we let society to dictate our life, all rules imposed by her it drives people midns crazy, such u must go to collage, have a nice job, marry, have a kid, ur kid must go to good school and so on.
We never stop to think about our happiness, about what we really wants. I see many preoccupied about virginity, to me i never really cared, i lost with 23 with my ex, and i never give a dam by being so late when others lost at 17, 18. Anyway u do when u feel prepared to do even if that guy doesn't be the one, relax the world dont fall. The really important thing is the person that you will spend ur life. So dont worry, live ur life ate ur own rhythm :)

[kitty71]

Nice take and I agree with you completely in each point but it looks like some men today do not think like taht as men are more visual and they are like rushing for sex when they are in a relationship and they think us women are some kind of rare species to hold on for sex for a long time. For them it could just plain sex and physical pleasure to get their steam of, for us women sex it is important but like you s ay im not in a relationship just for the sex. Sex could be part sure but not the main thing. There has to be a balance. Sex is nice but not the main thing I agree.

im in the exact same boat as you, but with the slight difference that I had never had a boyfriend before ever in my life or even had experience the dating phase, cause i never dated either in the past.

[Anonymous]

It is completely normal to feel the way you do! I'm 20, and many people find it weird that I am still a virgin. Like you, im choosing to wait for the right person, and if someone pressures you for sex, he is not it.
Virginity does not matter, it is just a social construct and is there to make us feel a certain way, whether it is insecure, or upset, or proud. You are the master of your own life and therefore you should be allowed to do things on your own time. Good luck :)

[MichaelG]

You. Are. Just. Like. Me.
Where have you been twin sis?
Nothing wrong with taking it slow and analyze, ponder etc.

[404filenotfound]

There's nothing wrong with any of that, just don't get too caught up in it though. Take time to enjoy the moment and cherish that. Think about things like love as well.

You don't want to be too uptight about your life.

[JustJules]

I'm not uptight about it I am cautious and for good reason after talking to a few people.

[404filenotfound]

It's your life and your choice, I'm just chipping in my $.02

[JustJules]

I know and I appreciate it thank you.

[Bananaman177]

Don't ever let anybody make you move faster than you can think.

[menina]

I absolutely agree with you. There's no need to rush, take your time and be sure about what you're doing. Then you won't regret your decisions.

[Cam2218]

I enjoy sex, I honestly crave it a lot. But I do like to have feelings for someone before I jump into bed with someone. I don't like sex buddies, I look for potential.

[Wolframium]

I like this. You are like me in this.

[John_Doesnt]

Everybody wants sexy time.

[JustJules]

Not everyone wants it all the time though.

[TheDevilInside]

John doesn't.

[MasterofPlebs]

Smart girl. You speak for me.

[Player9606]

I am virgin too. And it's not shameful

[Carbon-12]

I wish most people approached relationships t

[Carbon-12]

*that way

My god, anyone else having problems with this site glitching out?

[ManOnFire]

Me too, yeah.

[Blake0048]

Nothing wrong with any of that..

[Anonymous]

Good for you!

[blackpantherbig]

thats your choice, wish he will come soon !!!

[Anonymous]

Everyone should take their time!

[CT_CD]

Thank you