Why I've Decided That I Won't Ever Have a Relationship or Sex

[Anonymous]

Introduction

I'm sure we all know different types of persons concerning relationships. I'll start listing some types I personally know:

Type1: Jumps from relationship to the other in a very short time. First, he loves his partner to the moon and back. After a couple of weeks, he discovers that he doesn't like his partner that much and leaves him, jumping to another relationship and it goes on like this.

Type2: Has a relationship since he's a teenager and it stays for the rest of his life.

Type3: Just dates casually and has a lot of partners, often known as fuckboy or slut. (Those are stereotypical expressions and are not intended to be judgmental)

Type4: Forever Alone.

Of course there is no black and white and there are many different shadowing. There are many more types that I haven't mentioned here, either because it is a mixture between some or all aforementioned Types or because it is one I've never heard of before.

But there is another type that I haven't mentioned which I will describe more precisely in the coming part.

Who am I?

I'm a 21 years old male who lives in a western society in Europe. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm still a virgin. I've never had friends in my whole life, because I've always been introverted. My mother tells me that even when I was one year old, I wouldn't play with other people's children. After entering school, I got bullied a lot, which led to a social anxiety (at least I think that I have one). I had the impression that all people are evil. Fortunately, this is not the case anymore, but I still get an unease being surrounded by people, even if they were my family visiting for Christmas for one day (I started to feel stressed already). I don't consider myself a Forever Alone Type, because most of those people have very misogynistic perceptions of the world. They are people who don't WANT to change, simply because they feel more comfortable staying in their bubble and crying about the comparative advantage that women have. I don't want to talk about the MGTOW, because those are hardcore Forever Alone who have even more sexist ideologies.

What Type am I?

Now that I have introduced myself I want to talk more about my type. I'm very certain that people of this type exist, they merely don't talk about it openly, maybe because they are happy about their situation or maybe because they often feel misunderstood by other people.

I'm a person who doesn't have a relationship with a woman, but I don't pursue one. In other words, I pursue not to have one. And I don't want to have sex.

Is it strange that I don't want to have sex? After all, I'm a male and a sexual person (yes, I am). So why don't I have? Simply because for me, I say that I would only have sex whit a woman that I can imagine having children with. That means that I don't only need a romantic connection, but I also have to feel safe with her, we have to be compatible in every aspect relevant to me and I have to have the feeling that this is the woman I can stay with for the rest of my life. This is rare in the days where causal sex is prevailing, but it still happens, even in western societies.

Am I ugly? Did any woman try to persuade me before? I can't rate myself, but I would say that I look average, I'm tall and I hit the gym regularly, but I can't rate my face. It never happened before that a woman showed a sign of interest in me. That is, again, my subjective impression, but I actively avoid the society as I said before, but I don't notice women on the street looking at me. I have to say that I have never approached any woman, there was one girl I was interested in a few years ago who didn't reciprocate, but that was just one girl. I have never approached any girl before, neither persuading a relationship nor casual sex, so I can't evaluate my "market value".

So why, after that, don't I want a relationship? Because I feel safe the way I am. I don't try to interact with people, I don't try to have a romantic relationship nor a bromance. The difference between me and a Forever Alone is that he is ranting about his situation, while I don't rant and not only accept, but appreciate it. I can't say if I would be happier having a relationship, but the idea of having a person sleeping next to me on the same bed lets me shudder. I wouldn't feel free anymore. Now you would probably suggest me to have a relationship that is more casual, but this relationship would feel even worse to me, for reasons that I can't explain.

Do I want to cuddle and feel intimacy? Sure, especially at this time of the year when it gets dark very early, it would be nice. But on the other hand, it would be too stressful to me to handle a relationship when it's even too stressful to handle myself. I don't want to confront another person with my problems, why should I pursue a relationship if I won't be 100% convinced that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with the other person? That's unfair, and I wouldn't be happy if my partner did the same. I would have to give up my independence, my independence to travel to places that are truly interesting to me. I have been to Mongolia, I have been to the Caucasus Mountains and to Abkhazia, I have been to the Carpathians. Maybe you didn't even know that those places even existed, but that shows you that I'm not the the typical all-inclusive traveller who stays at Mallorca

Conclusion

I'm not really sure if there are other individuals who are like me, but if there are, please let me know in the comments. Not many people are like me as far as I know.

[Anonymous]

Uhhh boy... You are just 21!
Calm down. You are so young your brain hasn't even fully developed!
Why are you so pessimistic?
I was a loner much like you. I never had many friends and the few I had were annoying me most of the time. I had my nose in books and to this day socializing is quite taxing. I never actively pursued a relationship and I'd make fun of my friends and their drama series of relationships they had. I'm sure they thought I was a weirdo. I even got asked if I were a lesbian.
I was convinced I'd die alone and be eaten by my cats because my friends kept telling me I was odd.
But one day, in my mid 20s I met a very socially awkward guy and even though he was the most awkward person I had met in my life I found him to be quite intriguing.
He was always alone, had almost no friends, barely ever talked and was quite weird. He was a classmate of mine. It took us over a year and a half until we somehow (awkwardly) went on a date. I'm telling you it took me a lot of hinting until he finally suggested it.
We just celebrated our second anniversary.
He hadn't been in a relationship before me either and thought he'd never find anybody. He had basically given up all hope. He told me he planned to play magic until he died (he's a geek btw). I think he's very attractive and I love him and his awkwardness and introversion.
I can't imagine where my life would be without him.
Some people, as you have mentioned, jump from one relationship to another and seem to have no problem finding someone.
Some people don't go crazy over relationships.
Let's face it, romantic relationships aren't everything in life. You can focus on other aspects right now. Education and having a proper job are even more important. The right person will show up one day, even if you aren't actively looking for them.

[myTake Owner]

I absolutely agree with you on the last paragraph. Now I have to dissent, I'm not pessimistic, not at all. As I mentioned, I enjoy traveling and going to the gym, I live a (relatively) healthy lifestyle, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke and I don't take any other form of drugs.

I am happy for you that you found the love of your life, I wish you all the best. I don't think that I would be able at my current mood to build a relationship with someone, simply because I really feel safe right now.

[Man89s]

The biggest lie we are being told is : love and relationship are a priority in our lives !!!
I quit 4 years ago man. and i started to live my life in MY terms !!! restoring my power and my masculinity from the current feminized society that will generates more disappointment fro men than living your life as a warrior.

If this is what you really want then go for it ! and you have to invest in yourself and working to achieve your goals. because BELIEVE ME : there is nothing more powerful these days than a man who breaks free from this illusion we call love, lust and desire.
People will judge you, hate you and mock you cause so many are in this maze of this illusion BUT always keep your head high, soldier.

[myTake Owner]

That's absolutely true, people will always keep judging you if you don't follow their self-imposed traditions.

[Conservative89s]

That is so true !!! 100% agree on this.

[sovetskii13]

WoW. You must be the brother my parents never told me about. 👬 That was a nice biography I can relate to.
I do have to say that not all #ForeverAlone people have misogynistic perceptions. It's a diverse community. And there are plenty of women there too. I browse the subreddit group every once in a while.
I'm not fully aware which category I fall under. Feels like a mix. Always been the shy and insecure type of guy who almost never received attention from girls. My insecurities, fear of sex and intimacy, discomfort when being touched by others, etc. prevented me from pursuing certain things in life. Forget about. I do dream about what it would be like to have the perfect girl next to me. And everything else I used to think would be a reality by now. But it ain't gonna happen. When I compare what my future would turn out like if I remained single vs if I switched lanes, seems like single is best. Maybe I will get my hands on a sex robot to be that girl I dream of.
Stand up and rock the world 💰

[myTake Owner]

True, you have very similar opinions like me, but I rarely see people who are the same, oftentimes people (especially men) are single because thy prefer to rant rather than move their ass and change the things they don't like.

[Edwin23]

I feel you man, I'm in the same position as you. Maybe worse, I don't have brothers or sisters no close friends Since moving to the city I've moved to. I'm convinced I might not ever have sex again, or be around an attractive woman who's attracted to me. Although I had a few relationships in the passed, I've always have been that Forever alone guy. The guy girls never liked. It's come apparent now to me as a man we have Biological needs, As much as you might want to surpress the feeling, in order not to deal with rejection. It simply doesn't work. I say this from experience. As we going on in a Sex less life, We become bitter , angry, depressed, short fused. We begin to resent women for not wanting to be with us. I want to make this clear by no means ever have I felt entitled to Pussy or a woman. We Generalize woman to the point where simply dont trust them at all. Trust me I know, All the hobbies in the world aren't going to help when you lay down on that bed at night, and your body is craving another human beings touch. It becomes Toxic repetitive compulsive behavior. That as much as I could say because I feel like i'm giving advice to myself lol. These are things guys should talk about but guys often like to shit on other dudes for not being able to do good with woman. I mean shit give me some advice I need help too. lol

[myTake Owner]

I don't have siblings either, but tbh, I'm quit happy with this fact. Don't resent women, they aren't responsible for our path and don't become depressed, if you do, change the way you live.

At night I'm actually happy not having someone by my side, I don't like sharing my bed. I think you were just unhappy in your past relationships, you should continue looking for the right person.

[Anonymous]

I'm very much like you. I'm a 27 years old male who lives in a western society, the United States of America. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm still a virgin. I've never had friends in my whole life or a girlfriend because I've always been introverted and developed social anxiety from severe bullying. I also stopped trying to get a relationship because I refuse to be with a girl that is not a virgin (if she did anything sexual except solo masturbation, then a girl is not a virgin). So I just stopped trying. I'll probably be alone for life unless I somehow get enough money so I can be wealthy enough to get a virgin bride, but no employer in America wants to hire me either because I'm a male and have social anxiety. I really want a relationship but only if its with a beautiful girl that's a virgin, white, and not Westernized because I do not like much of the West based on its corrupt culture and ideologies. America is all about hedonism, economic greed, and taking all the money from poor and ordinary people to redistribute to the rich and the corporations.

[myTake Owner]

You sound really depressed and anxious, but why is it so important to you that a girl is virgin and white? It sounds a bit shallow to me.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not depressed and haven't been in a long time because I'm sort of like the character Klaus Michaelson from the TV shows The Vampire Diaries and The Originals that I "turned off my humanity switch" so not much effects me anymore. It's important for a girl be a virgin because I want her to be pure, I'm a virgin so I will only lose my virginity to a virgin, and I'd only give my heart to a virgin. I would only be able to love and respect a girl that was a virgin enough for love or marriage. I'd consider it a great shame if I were ever with a girl that was not a virgin and if I lost my virginity to a non-virgin, I would be a disgrace as a man because the action of being a virgin male with a non-virgin female would make me less of a man to be with another man's female. I'd want her to be White because I'm White and really want to date and marry within my own race. I always imagined marrying a White girl. I've always considered the word "shallow" sort of a shaming word.

[MarkRet]

In some ways, you have some parallels with me. I didn't have a very good childhood growing up, had parents that were pretty dumb and worthless, never did anything in school, got bullied around and made fun of, was socially backward and had few friends, and didn't even talk to girls because I was afraid of them. By the time I graduated high school, I was depressed and was considering suicide as an option, because I was going nowhere, both career-wise and relationship-wise.

A couple of years after graduation, I did a lot of growing up, starting doing things I wanted to do, and over time, I got rid of a lot of insecurities. I had peers trying to tell me how I should live, but I pretty much ignored them. I was content just growing up and living my new life, but as the years went by, I became more confident and social, and ended up getting married and having two daughters.

I'm happy with where I am now, but I would have been fine just staying single and doing my own thing.

[myTake Owner]

That's a good story and I'm happy for you. But I'm actually not really depressed, I'm just a lazy person who enjoys being alone and who doesn't really want to change this way because I can deal with it. I think marrying and/or having children would just be too much stress for me to handle, even now my studies are too stressful for me.

[Volvagia]

hey I understand. I'm like a female version of you really, I even vowed when I was 16 I would never get into a relationship or have sex either lol. I've always been a loner at heart but anyways, you do you anon. Don't let other people tell you how to live your life. Also, contrary to popular belief, one doesn't need a relationship to live a happy, healthy life. Good luck to ya

[myTake Owner]

Agreed, you should live your life the way it makes you happy. Many people have regular sex and are in a relationship but are unhappy with it.

[JustAnotherGirlie]

I’m trying to understand. So you want intimacy and a relationship but not right now? And the reason for this is because you feel you are not ready? Or is the reason you don’t want to be in a relationship because you don’t want to be a burden to a woman?

Either way, I hope you aren’t alone because you feel you have no choice. Some people are alone because they prefer it, and some are alone because they’ve just gotten used to it. Your description of yourself confuses me because I’m not sure if your solitude is voluntary.

At any rate, as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters

[myTake Owner]

My solitude is absolutely voluntarily. I wish that I had intimacy sometimes, but at the end, I am a very rational person who thinks about its advantages and its disadvantages. After that i see that the disadvantages outweigh. I don't feel ready and I don't want to be a burden for the woman, at the same time, she would be a burden for me as well.

At the end, I think solitude is voluntarily in 90% of the cases, people are either lazy or are happy with their choice. I am the second one.

[JustAnotherGirlie]

In that case, prosper on friend. You will possibly end up meeting another loner like you. The good thing is, you’ve spent so much time working on yourself that you won’t have much ambiguity if you find the person you’re looking for. You’ll just know

[RedThread]

I don't think relationships are a priority in life nor do I think that everyone should be in a relationship. Every individual needs to decide what's right for them.

If you're comfortable being a virgin and not being in a relationship then be you man. It's okay to break the mold and do your own thing. Tradition kind of pushes a lot of shit on us but in reality it's up to us to determine our lives.

[RedThread]

And sometimes I wish I was still a virgin because I regret all the times I've had sex. As I get older, I think more and more that intimacy isn't for me.

[myTake Owner]

I agree, in many cases people blindly follow traditions without really thinking about it and anyone daring to chose his own path is perceived as awkward and somehow creepy.

[honesty321]

I recognise a lot of myself in this story. I personaly think you just have a good feeling of what is going around also in this world and eventually because that takes time you learn more and more and will have be able to have a better live then other who quick or hurry into relationsships and even are often get fooled. Life is to learn from. I think you just need recognition for this and move on with life because it just only will become better since we grow towards the good in life. It is not just there to grap because it allready exists as many like to asume or try to teach you you miss something. I think you have an healthy aditude and that there is nothing wrong with and there is nothing wrong with being a wise person while others still making a lot mistakes in life even consider themselves to be wise or do know all and see themselves as the right examples who know so well how to life live. Thanks for your story. It was fun reading it. I at least enjoyed it.

[Goochbreaker]

I am similar, except some women did take interest in me a few times, and boy oh boy in many ways it would have been better if they didn't... I've never had sex with someone I love and that is all I want now. Once you decide that is what you want then you are pretty much fkd as far as being part of the crowd, you will have to go your own way. There's not a lot of good looking girls who haven't slutted around at least a bit so when you do find one, make it clear to her what you offer, full commitment and limitless love, the kind few will ever know. If she turns that down, you ain't missin out

[0112358]

Catering to anxiety creates more anxiety.

Facing it isn’t easy but it’s the only way forward.

Anxiety around a relationship isn’t necessarily the first thing to face.

As you know when you go to the gym the weights seem so heavy at first. They never get lighter. In fact you continue to find heavier weights! If someone said “oh that’s heavy” and avoided ever pushing themselves they become weaker and weaker and avoid more and more till they can’t move.

Anxiety is very similar.

[myTake Owner]

I'm not anxious around people, but I don't like being around them. If I had to be around people, I have not problem speaking with them, but I feel overwhelmed and I feel that I have to have my own space.

[Anonymous]

You for got the type that dates some when he is younger with varying degrees of happiness and success, and then when he is more mature, 26, 30, maybe 40, and meets someone he really clicks with, gets into a permanent situation, and is very happy for many years.

As a 21 year old who has been too timid to date, you really can't say you will never date. That's just asinine, and anyone of us who is much older than you can see this rant as a little boy's rant. Get some maturity, make the leap and try to date realistically. THEN come and tell me what you're going to do the rest of your dating life.

Having a partner does not mean you are limited in things you can do in this world. You can both travel. My aunt did a Mt. Everest climb when she was pregnant (early).

[OatsnWhey]

You're trying to portray yourself as being unique and interesting because you've managed to rationalize your own insecurities. You're 21 years old and you're just not going to engage in any relationships and sex?

You can't defy biology and the fact that we intrinsically desire sex and intimacy. You're going to be very lonely and it will most likely onset a lot of depression as you get older. I think you're just fooling yourself and you probably shouldn't just give up on everything period. But hey, you do you. You're not really special or unique with your story though. You're just someone who's managed to rationalize insecurities in a way that makes you feel like you're in control.

[myTake Owner]

I think you've misunderstood me. I'm in no way interesting, I'm quite boring in fact. And I'm not insecure in any way, I just don't feel good being with other people. It's something I don't like, if I don't like playing football, it doesn't mean that I am insecure.

Maybe I am going to be very lonely, but that's nothing I'm scared or ashamed of. This way I will be able to enjoy this multifaceted life with every nuances in it. I will be lonely, but at the same time have more freedom.

[OatsnWhey]

I just think you're full of shit tbh. How are you able to defy biology completely? Also, you're insecure in some ways just as everyone is. I'm insecure in some ways. You're telling me you're not insecure in any way as you put it? Dude, all I'm reading is a strong cope. Not trying to start some internet fight, but those are my thoughts.

[myTake Owner]

I never said that I’m not insecure, but concerning the interaction with other people, I’m not. I’m happy the way you are. You don’t need to start an internet fight, but if you don’t have any logical arguments, then don’t go telling me that I’m full of shit.

[myTake Owner]

I’m happy the way I am *

[ManIsGoD89]

Tbh !!! I don't see it as a bad thing.

First : remove yourself from the society bs standards especially women who measure men based on their relationships status !!! u seem already doing that perfectly.

Second : there is no need to feel like its the ultimate goal for a man !!!
just develop yourself in every aspect of life and live a great one like you wanted.

Third : you need sex, every now and then... go fuck some woman without any attachment. you'll feel better.

[myTake Owner]

You misunderstood this MyTake. As I said, I don't want to "go fuck some women", I wouldn't have sex with a woman unless I feel that she is the right person for me ultimately.

I don't care at all about social standards and it's not women who set them. I want to live the life I enjoy and not the life somebody wants to dictate me.

I agree with you on the second point though.

[oddwaffle]

Lots of people decided they would go on a diet. They didn't last 3 weeks.

Do you think you will last?

[myTake Owner]

That's a very good question. I really can't say, people change over time. But currently, I don't feel ready to be in a relationship.

You compare a relationship to a diet. But there is a very crucial difference between both: You have to actively pursue a relationship and stick to a diet, while if you don't do anything, you will get fatter/ you won't find a girlfriend. So if you don't have the will to do a diet, you won't do it and if you don't have the will to get a girlfriend, you won't get one.

[bubble_tea]

You sound like the classic 'Einsiedler'. If you are happy with yourself and your situation, there's absolutely no reason to change.

[Anonymous]

Well I respect all that I read and how you personally feel... and I feel comfortable saying that, I honestly believe that you won’t remain this way haha 🤣!!!

[myTake Owner]

What makes you believe that? Or putting it another way: What will happen?

[JudgmentDay]

You'll be a'ight. Plenty of #ForeverAlone -rs here. I prefer the ter Single For Lifers.

[Asad1ONE1]

Big mistake. It's impossible being a human and not have anything to do with being intimate. I'm sure you want it. Anxiety and self doubt is the issue.

[Anonymous]

You are so disconnected. It's not normal to not need to have a chemistry or a connection with another human'.
Your wires are disconnected,

[myTake Owner]

Do you mind elaborating your stance?

[Conservative89s]

This is one of the shaming tactics !

[CT_CD]

Same. I am asexual