As you've gotten older, has the idea of marriage become less or more valuable to you?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Actually, the funny part is that I have nothing against marriage. Not now and really not ever - at least in principle. However, for me it just seems like - in my personal life - so much noise and it does not appeal to me or my girlfriend.

When I got my girlfriend pregnant - yes, it was definitely unplanned - we moved in together and began planning for a wedding. However, it was funny, we were in no particular hurry and we took so much time that we ultimately decided not to get married until after our baby was born.

Suffice to say that I was there when my son was born (now 9) and I fully expected that when I held that little miracle in my arms that we would both want to get married to make it "official," so to speak. However, it did not work that way.

Rather, we started making a home and raising our baby and episodically planned our wedding and then my girlfriend got pregnant again.(Another boy.) Yes, it was unplanned but probably no surprise. (Hey, we have a healthy sex life!! What can I say?) So the wedding planning bogged down again.

However, it was then that we both realized that we loved what we have and we did not want to get married. Our little family is natural and beautiful, the way nature intended us to be. As granola and "hippie" - and I admit even silly - as it sounds, we were both in love the idea that what we are doing is healthy and natural. We are together and having babies the way nature intended and a big ceremony, an expensive ring and a permission slip from the state would make what my girlfriend and I share seem too contrived and artificial.

We both joke that we enjoy being two animals breeding in nature. Doing what nature made us to do. (My girlfriend also jokes that I am controlled by my penis, but that is another issue.) We love what we have, what we share and so after a third pregnancy - my little princess - we decided to drop the idea of getting married.

As I say, it is not that either of us dislikes the idea of marriage as such. In fact, from a purely sociological viewpoint, marriage I would argue is essential - as the data shows. However, for us, we decided that our raw and natural instincts gave us something - not least three little angels (and I also have a son (age 14) from a one night stand whom I only learned about a few years ago) - that cannot be improved upon.

My girlfriend and I love what we share. We think it is natural and beautiful and we don't want to get married because it would not make better - and in some sense we feel it would even cheapen - what we have.

[HawkPerception]

I'm lucky enough to have friends around me that have successful marriages, but I can honestly say my view of marriage and even just finding a partner has been consistent through the years.

I've always wanted to find a girl to settle with even when I was 16 years old. I've always imagined my ideal way I want to propose or even the ideal wedding (which I know is more of a girl thing, but I just envision it as a truly happy moment in my life where I can finally go to the next phase).

I've wanted kids my whole life as well and am arrogant enough to say I think I would be a great father.

The only thing that has been holding me back is my job/financial situation and the fact that I don't have my shit together in any way. And yet I still would not say no to a relationship. If a girl can take me at rock bottom and stick it through, I know that she'll be loyal. However, I do have to say that's close to impossible at this stage in my life... to find a girl willing to take me as I am 😂

[Xia1994]

Beat wishes to you on your journey of finding love!!! 🫶

[HawkPerception]

Appreciate it 😁

[Alwayreckles93]

I have learn that people sometimes end up marrying the wrong person. Thisnwhy we must ask God to give us to who we should married. My advice please ve careful and choose wisely. I was very young when Igot married. My ex turn out to be very abusive narcissistic. I have leaen if people love you no matter if you are not put together if you are skinny or fat. They will love you no matter what. I spend my daysbworking out looking good improving to be the best traditional wife I could be. No matter how beautiful gorgeous you arebif a me dont love you he dont love you. I have learn the hard way love comes on ots you loveis something you can not forced it.

[jennifer_bloom]

I am going to inherit millions when my parents die and I will not date out of desperation, whether social or financial. I will play the field until I find a very good person that wants to marry me cause I don’t need a husband to satisfy my financial or emotional needs.

[virtue2332]

OK soon I'm going to tell it like it is. Seek the advice of people who are living the dream you seek. Single people or just out of a marriage didn't succeed so take that advice with a grain of salt if at all. Just like anything else in life you should seek advice from people who have similar values and beliefs, have experience doing what you seek and are successfully doing it. You have to do what works for you though in the end what feels right to you it only has to work for you not anyone else.

[Xia1994]

I actually agree with you but to be completely fair some people are kind and others are cruel. There are some recently divorced people who are kind and mean well and who will give others genuine and good relationship advice because to be honest a relationship failing doesn’t always mean the divorcee is at fault or that they are evil people 💯. There are also some really wise single people who give brilliant relationship advice on the flip side there’s some bitter married people in the world who are cruel enough to give people bad advice so it’s safer to only take advice from anyone if that advice seems applicable to you and if you yourself judge that advice to be good advice.

[Xia1994]

But no I actually completely agree with what you’ve said 💯.

[virtue2332]

@Xia1994 I appreciate the feedback. My answer is routed in my experiences where i witnessed relatives who were unhappy seemed to be the ones that had the most to say. At times there input caused problems. Usually in the it should be this way only. I would think damn no wonder why she is on divorce number 4 or thats why he can't keep a girl. They clearly were unsucessful and had views that they were uncapable of seeing any other way. Soo thats the perspective in which i wrote from.

[Xia1994]

@virtue2332 you know what now I see where you were coming from thank you for clarifying 💯.

[lightbulb27]

More. I was raised where marriage was the only way. Problem was, I was afraid of women and intimacy. for good reason, some of them are damn awful eventhough I saw a lot of success around me, a few pokes a needle will cause anyone to refrain.

luckily, I met my wife, we worked through the challenges, and we are doing well and I hope even better over time. I'm very fortunate.

I wouldn't want anything else... like live in girlfriend, blah blah. marriage or cat man were the options...

[Chazmatazz269]

Less, but it has nothing to do with my age. A savvy young man can know what i know and realize that marriage is a losing gamble for men. Until the marriage and divorce laws change dramatically in this country, only idiots and masochists are marrying, as far as men anyway. If i was a woman, i’d be all about it! I get to take everything a man owns, including his kids and half of everything he earns for the rest of his life just for saying “I do”? Why wouldn’t you marry? It’s a guaranteed winning lottery ticket!

[Xia1994]

Only a guy who’s never been a woman would say something like this 😂😭 it’s like me saying if I was a man I’d walk shirtless all day lol

[Chazmatazz269]

You think being shirtless is comparable to a winning lottery ticket? Ell oh ell! It’s definitely time to check your privilege.

[Xia1994]

Even you as a man have privileges, both genders have them it’s only the wise ones who can use those privileges in a safe, constructive and ethical way!

[Jersey2]

More important now. I have been married since my mid 20s. I picked up my wife like I was walking through a grocery store saying “I need one of these” and put her in my cart along with a college degree, some time in the Army National Guard, and a first job.

Now we have raised a family, had a great career, financially secure, hit major milestones that most people would love to have hit. Now it is more relaxing and I appreciate her more than ever. It has been a steady growth of love through the years.

[SallyTho87]

Nope! I actually strive for a healthy partnership, between a husband and myself. Starting from a solid friendship, slowly working up to marriage, as we take that huge step and make the commitment, and promise together, to each other.
Marriage is still a beautiful, sacred thing to me. I do value it, and respect it for what it is in entirety.

[Xia1994]

Beautiful stated🫶

[Xia1994]

Beautifully^

[Xia1994]

The older I get the more and more I have less and less interest in marrying to be honest I have now tasted the single life and as I get older I feel I may not even want to Ditch it for a life if marriage to be completely honest with you. I wish they would have told me sooner that being single can also be a good thing.

[Xia1994]

Of***

[college-student2021]

But a single life without kids?

[Xia1994]

@college-student2021 yes, if I decide to just stay single I won't have any kids.

[college-student2021]

I don’t find that choice as bad , hopefully whatever choice you pick makes you happy

[Xia1994]

@college-student2021 thank you! likewise 💯.

[nastyb]

As I have gotten older, marriage has become more important to me. Everyone claims they rather be single. BUT REALITY IS... it will only means you will end up with NOBODY as you get older after your parents die, siblings move away and create families of their own. nobody will give a damn about you. Be careful about what you say about marriage.

[moneymagnet24]

Personal experience?

[nastyb]

@moneymagnet24

common sense. Friends become harder to make as you get older.

[moneymagnet24]

I totally agree with you..
You're realistic ma'am

[nastyb]

@moneymagnet24

lotta people say its better being single than to be married to someone toxic. But I can Guarantee you that you will NEVER live a fulfilled happy life if you remain without a loving family.

people are really better off LEARNING how to maintain a marriage / relationship than to say "its better to stay single than to stay in a toxic marriage".

Because dying all alone, lonely and neglected is an emotionally painful death.

[moneymagnet24]

So very very true ma'am..
Words 👏👏

[Xia1994]

@nastyb that’s not true single people have parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, pets, colleagues, friends and if they are religious they have God.

There’s even people who are married with kids who feel lonely so loneliness has nothing to do with being single it has to do with you as a person.

[nastyb]

@Xia1994

Nephews dont care about you. You only see them 2 times a year. Your uncles and aunts will die. Once your siblings have kids, they really won't have time to see you because theyre busy taking care of their wives and kids. In other words, you are nobodys priority. If you're sick, dont expect them to come rushing over to you. They will say they have to cook, Clean, take care of the sick kid.

[nastyb]

@Xia1994

you're a fool if you think most lonely people are married. No, most lonely people are single without kids

[Xia1994]

@nastyb you really can’t generalise people’s experiences like that how do you know when everyone sees their nieces in nephews we’re all different from each other in life. We don’t all want the same things there’s so many old people who’s never married and have no kids who are doing alright for themselves. Life is not one sided. Some old people’s own kids don’t look after them when they’re sick and instead it’s the hospital staff. Girl it’s scary that you only see life’s so one sided 💔

[Xia1994]

@nastyb you’re rude but it’s your life not mine!

[nastyb]

@Xia1994

Generalizations come from the general rule which means MOST SINGLE PEOPLE WILL END UP EXPERIENCING THIS. Not all single people but most. Just because the truth sounds rude, it doesn't mean its not true.

[Some old people’s own kids don’t look after them when they’re sick and instead it’s the hospital staff.]

You are SIGNIFICANTLY more likely to die alone with no kids than if you had kids

Studies have shown that married people do tend to be happier than single people. They live longer lives and tend to be healthier

[Xia1994]

I see there’s no point talking to a girl like you keep believing what you believe but it won’t make it true and no matter what we will never all want the same thing in life. Some people don’t want marriage and kids and it’s fine 💯 those people are alright even as they age they do fine because they’re doing what they want with their lives.

That’s the last thing I’m gonna say to you. Keep doing you boo boo it’s your life not mine, byeeee 👋.

[nastyb]

@Xia1994

Its always better to reduce your chances of dying alone lonely and neglected by getting married and having kids than to INCREASE your chances of dying alone by never marrying and never having kids

Married people with kids ARE less much likely to live lonely lives or die alone. Rare exceptions dont make this statement false.

Just because you dont like it, it doesn't mean its not true

[normalice]

Unchanged. To me it has always been just a weird way to register a relationship with the IRS. If the relationship is changed by marriage it is not a relationship where the two really understand each other.

[menina]

It has become more valuable to me. I used to be against marriage, but I realized that I want to be married. However, I'm not seeing that happening anytime soon. 🤷🏾‍♀️😂

[Serkee]

It's always been pretty important to me. The thing I want most in life is to be a husband and a father, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

[Xia1994]

I hope you’ll achieve those things in your life 🫶

[Serkee]

@Xia1994 Thanks. I'll need to get over my shyness and fear of rejection to ever have a chance at that, though. That's been an issue for me ever since I was a little kid, girls have always scared me.

[DishLady]

It’s become less of a “must” and more of a “put it out to the universe” type thing. It’s not an active goal like “staying healthy” etc.

[strateguy632]

both. i grew up in a society that "must marry". then i realized that marriage is precious but also very risky. so valuable but less desirable.

[Seinna]

More, especially when I converted to Christianity so there was no way out of it. Also, when I started to seriously consider children, as marriage is the best environment to raise them.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Less valuable. I guess I like the idea but it really doesn't change anything at all. At the end of the day it's just a piece of paper. Being in a relationship for so long you're already legally the same as a married couple.

[HighValue]

Marriage is a terrible thing for a man.

People can have a serious long term exclusive relationship, live together, and raise a family together too without legal marriage.

[SotiCoto]

Never was, never will be.

Oh I wanted a long-term relationship, but never gave a toss about marriage. That is just social officialisation, and I never gave a shit what human society thinks one way or another.

[daemonBot]

As I've gotten older, it's become much more valuable to me. I appreciate it much more today than I did back in my 20s

[CriticalCatDad]

Less and less the older I get. Why allow yourself to be enslaved to someone who claims to love and care about you who would just ruin you the next day?

[PBandJ_Nerd]

To me it's always valuable if both people want it. But needing it or not is another thing.

[sheenagwapa]

my own soulmate even have a hatd time liking me, he wanted that his bestfriend is his soulmate so I don't know

[1Rezz]

But technically u can't really be soul mates unless u're "besties" a soul mate is some1 who truly makes u feel safe, loved and understood, if that isn't there... then u ain't besties let alone soulmates