Why I Am Not Going To Marry

[Anonymous]

People always assume that when you are at a certain age, you should look forward to dating/courtship/engagement/marriage/sex/babies/family life. Well, I decide that I will stay single for the rest of my life.

1. Sex

I am convinced that I am an aromantic asexual. I experience no romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. In my entire life, only one guy expressed interest in me and asked me for my phone number, but I didn't reciprocate. At the time, I didn't understand why a random stranger who stalked me wanted my phone number. I asked why. He said I looked attractive. I thought he was being a creepy stalker.

Online, one person reports nudity is enough to trigger sexual arousal in a young male. I don't think I have ever been sexually aroused or "horny", even when I see someone naked. Though, to be honest, I have never seen anyone naked before. Sure, there is online porn, which features a lot of naked people, but I always end up thinking, "So, this is arousing to someone? People have no qualms about STD transmission? Where are the condoms? Is that a real penis? Why do people like to shave their pubic hair? Do people seriously get aroused when they engage in unprotected sex?" So, I'm not aroused by naked people in porn.

Given that sexual arousal is required for coitus, I think there is no point for me to be in a primarily sexual relationship. I may get a pass in a sexless relationship. On the other hand, I'd rather not enter any relationship with a male, because of Number 2 below.

2. Babies

If I were male and happen to be in a relationship with a female partner, then I would welcome the prospect of children. At least I don't have to be the one who carries a child for 9 months. But because I am female, having a male partner means I have to be the one to carry the child for 9 months. Plus, I would have to be extremely careful with what I do with my body, because EVERYTHING I do will eventually affect the health of the baby. If the baby is defected, then the defect is my fault, and I will have to support a baby that will never be able to support itself. After the birth, I will have to take care of the child, which leads to Number 3.

3. More Responsibilities

Having a child is a big responsibility, and there may or may not be any beneficial return. A parent is scrutinized and judged by others for parenting practices. A parent must provide more than just food, water, shelter, and social interaction; the parent must provide education, healthcare, toys, diapers, and et cetera. And all these responsibilities occur at once! I'd rather take care of a pet fish and work my way up to higher-maintenance animals, like turtles and hamsters and rabbits and cats and dogs. Then, if I have some spare time and money, I may adopt a child. I think adopting a healthy child is much more preferable for me than having a baby without knowing the risks.

4. Less Money For Me

The prospect of having a significant other and children means less money for myself. I am too greedy and selfish to share resources with another human being. Keeping a pet is different. The pet is expected to respect you. In contrast, I have spoken with some older people who are currently raising teenagers. They say that children respect parents at a young age, but when they become teenagers, they start to rebel and then as they turn into adults, they start looking up to their parents again. Dogs and cats are bred to have a mild temperament, and they will always love you because you'll the one giving them tasty treats. Also, dogs can't eat chocolate. So, all the chocolate is MINE!

[Anonymous]

I apply for numebr 2,3 and 4 . Those are the reasons I will never marry either but the list should include another ítem. Not having a current guy to hang out or even to get to know or a boyfriend or a fiancee.. So another reason why a person are not going to marry is until you find someone to marry to, someone you know for years and respect each oither and communicate each other and are partners and Friends, etc etc, Without that special person for you and thath special person for him or her is not possible to marry either, cause you won't marry a "an invisible person" LOL!!!

[Fathoms77]

Personally, I think anyone who calls themselves "asexual" without ever having tried to be even remotely sexual has no real basis to make any such decision. Not saying this applies to you; just a general statement.

[ASEXY]

1. it's not a decision. 2. In a sexualized world like this, every asexual person has tried or thought of being sexual at least once but it just didn't feel right. We would've not came to that conclusion if we never did.

[Fathoms77]

@ASEXY If you think so.

[FallOutBoy2001]

It's like when people tell bisexual people "you need to try sex with both genders" because it's not like we know who we're attracted to or anything...

[Fathoms77]

@FallOutBoy2001 Do you know what percentage of teenagers these days change their sexual affiliation later in life?

According to recent studies, it's so shockingly high that it's clear many haven't the slightest clue who they're attracted to, what they want, etc.

[FallOutBoy2001]

It's actually around 8%

[Fathoms77]

@FallOutBoy2001 Uh... not the numbers I'm seeing.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Link?

[Fathoms77]

@FallOutBoy2001 I read print. Journals. If I can find it online, I'll post one.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Ok thanks :)

[myTake Owner]

Do you even know the title? Many academic journals are also published online.

[Fathoms77]

Yeah, the Yale ones are and a few others. But I'd have to remember the title. It was a ten-year study, I think, but I can't remember in which journal I found it...

[myTake Owner]

Do you remember anything in the study? Any phrase that they used?

[Fathoms77]

Only the conclusion, which said the data proved the hypothesis that sexual confusion among teens aged 13-18 has skyrocketed in the last decade, and the next step would be to present the theory that environment is the culprit as opposed to a sudden and inexplicable change in genetics.

In other words, if the sexual confusion is ten times worse now than it was a hundred years ago, what caused it? Or in my terms, why the hell are young people SO screwed up? ;)

[kitty71]

I can consider myself also asexual. I have never ever had sex before of any means and at this point in my life I dont know if in the future I will be even experience so for me I thinbk i m asexual. Imnot dating or even seeing a guy or hanging out with guys either, much less a boyfriend I have or had had before. So im already convinced with the idea I will never ever marry not even have a boyfriend even if it is only to hang out.

[lumos]

"Personally, I think anyone who calls themselves "asexual" without ever having tried to be even remotely sexual has no real basis to make any such decision."
That's like saying you have to try gay sex in order to know for sure you're not bi/gay. It doesn't work like that. You KNOW who you're attracted to/not attracted to. You KNOW when you're horny and when you're not horny. Asexual people don't experience the sort of attraction that us sexual people do. You can't rule out their experiences and lack of attraction just because you personally don't understand how a person could not be sexual. Sexuality is not like food, you don't need to try it in order to know what you like and dislike. Sure, you might be pleasantly surprised with some sexual acts, but sexuality as a whole is fairly black and white, in the sense that either you're sexual, or you're not.

[shessoheavy]

I don't think that anyone who has not tried a bit of homosexuality can truly know if they are straight.

This statement is the exact same logic. Asexual by the way ✊🏻

[Puppylove94]

Very well said

[Fathoms77]

@shessoheavy It isn't the same statement at all. Asexual is the absence of a stirring while any other form of sexuality means you're at least tuned in to SOMETHING. Just because you've avoided romantic contact your entire life doesn't necessarily make you "asexual;" that's all I'm saying.

[shessoheavy]

Well ya avoiding romantic contact does not make someone ace. Asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction, you don't find people sexy. Technically, a prostitute could be asexual. As a virgin could be bi. Sexually is not determined be sexual actions, but by whom you are sexually attracted to.

I have discussions about asexuality often, as I am an out asexual. The problem with this line of think is that it typically knows no bounds. "Your a virgin how could you know, you have only had sex with a guy how could you know, you are too young, you just have not had good sex, blah blah blah". Those that want to try to invalidate find a way. However, it is always something we have already heard and it is something that we have considered long before coming out.

[Jjpayne]

Every marriage is different, you don't need any of the things you mentioned it is possible to have a marriage without them.

And "too greedy and selfish to share resources with another human being" is not a healthy way to live, in humanity we need to rely on each other, that's work, works, we help someone and they help us.

Now if you are being more specific, I believe to a degree in karma, what you do comes back to you, but I believe it in a different way. In your life, sharing opportunities will abound, at work, with friends, with family, you can't avoid it, They will find you and having children and a husband, just makes the process of acceptance earlier and more adaptable

[beautifulangel76]

#2 is not completely correct. Genetic disorders can be passed on by both the mother and father and technically both or 1 of them would have to carry the gene of this disorder or defect. Now if you do drugs or drink while pregnant then whatever defect or disorder you baby has will be your fault.

[Phoenix98]

In other words your young have no real knowledge on the subject and you want your lineage to die with you.

[JudgmentDay]

I find the importance of lineage is just like everything else, another bunch of coping mechanisms, and delusions. It only mattered or has value if you really absolutely desire to have it and want it, or feel that you really need it or if it was important to you at all. It's different for everyone. Different goals and different priorities, each to their own. I can understand that people with a decent amount of fortune, wealth, maybe special skills, or position and authority would want to pass any or all of those things onto someone and have them inherit any of those things. Having a heir to pass on to, especially for positions of power like royalty for example. But aside from those things, it's usually because people fear loneliness, or that they fear the lack of support and care from someone when and if they reach old age or end-of-life. I guess that's just how it is, people want to pass something on, merely because they are afraid that once they are gone, that they will become

[JudgmentDay]

forgotten forever.

[Phoenix98]

Not true.

[QueenBeeJay]

Since she's a woman her lineage is going to die with her anyways...

[Anonymous]

I like your take. I like that you are totally asexual and have absolutely no sexual feelings. It means you are so much free from sex and sexuality wow you must have lot of energy and free mind for other things in life.
You have never experienced any sexually aroused moments in your life? There is absolutely no feelings in your genitals? Damn I wish more people were asexual.
You even never shave legs and pubes.. so much more power to You.
Song ryou never get sexually aroused is there anything that's sexually turn off?

[Cosytoasty]

You could have condensed why you're not going to marry into the first sentence of section 1 😜

I think 3 & 4 are equally shared though by both parents.

[sovetskii13]

It's nice to see a woman talk about this whole "Never getting married" thing we have going on. Part 1 is a strange to me. You got absolutely no sexual urge? Not even when by yourself?

[Sweet_Sour]

You can make lots of money with children. It depends how you want to live you're life.

[Saoirse_Nua]

You have thought it out so well done for that - I would just leave at keep an open mind, you never know where life will take you - Some or all or none of those points may change

[Anonymous]

You could have stopped at number one: you're aromantic asexual - if that's even an adjective - so not fit to a marriage nor even a relationship. Period.
The rest is irrelevant.

[Opinion Owner]

But I will add that you sound perfectly normal if not just misguided with today's society.
If you were really asexual, you wouldn't even be talking about babies and porn. If you were aromantic, you wouldn't even be talking about relationships and adopting babies.

[lumos]

Well, no, because there are plenty of aromantic asexual males/females that she could still marry if she wanted to. Just because you're aromantic and asexual it doesn't necessarily mean you don't want someone as your partner, even if it's more of a lifelong friendship type of thing and not a romantic/sexual thing.

[Opinion Owner]

@lumos I don't know about "plenty".
Sure many couples have lost the spark along the years, but they aren't necessarily asexual individuals. Actually I don't think being asexual is the norm at all.

That being said, two people without romantic feelings for each other are just roommates and buddies at best, certainly would not form a couple in the true sense of the word.

[myTake Owner]

My parents are probably buddies/roommates by your sense, then. Sexual attraction obviously dies in a relationship. What makes a relationship long-lasting is not the sexual part, but the compassionate part. No communication means the relationship is a goner.

[shessoheavy]

I am asexual and aromantic, I have never had what I would call a relationship but I would like to find a life partner. I would love them, but would not be in love with them. Even if a relationship is not romantic, there is still value in being mutually the most important person to each other; especially when you are aromantic and don't fall in love, so this sort of relationship is the highest form of intimacy we can experience. It Doesn't necessarily mean we want to spend our life's alone.

[Opinion Owner]

@shessoheavy that's the same as brotherly love or finding a best friend.
Frankly I don't even understand the meaning of aromantic. Are you saying you cannot and will not fall in love, ever, ever? How can that even be?

@Asker
Surely they had romance at some point? And love making potentially strengthened their bond throughout the years. Still not the same as being aromantic or asexual.

[shessoheavy]

The definition of aromantic is not experiencing romantic attraction. Like how straight men don't fall in love with men, and gay men don't fall in love with women. Aromantic people don't fall in love with either. You can still want a life partner though, as I said. Which yes is platonic, but also the most important person in the world to you. So, it has some relative importance when compared to romantic relationships

[chrisbigman]

It's refreshing to see someone admit that they won't get married. Not everyone should. Far too many people get married when they never should have, because they end up getting divorced sooner than later.

[Rissyanne]

I am in a relationship... but I never plan to marry again. I like my freedom

[DaddyRollingStone]

"aromantic asexual"
There you go again, with that made up BS

[echoaj]

You've never heard of those terms before? you gotta get out more.

[lumos]

It's not made up. Sorry to burst your bubble but not everyone is heterosexual.

[DaddyRollingStone]

@echoaj oh I've heard them before, doesn't mean its not some fairytale special snowflake shit

[echoaj]

Lots of judgy ignorant people in the comment section. Good for you.

[Sublime45]

Well that's some great reasons not to if you ask me, lol.

[ASEXY]

All of these are the same reasons why I am not going to marry. I never wanted to get married.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you sounds extremely irresponsible and childish with your points. The only one that stands any ground for reason is number 1.

[castratedwhiteguy]

Good choice! At least you know what you don't want...

[Blitzkrieger]

Its a good thing i am ultra sexual and romantic too. To bring balance to the universe.

[bcromartie]

Married people are wealthier than...

Clearly this has nothing to do with money.

[Love_Is_Eternal]

Usually, people who claim to be asexual are people who can't get laid.

[shessoheavy]

Is this based on opinion or fact. Seems to me that saying your asexual when your actually not won't help you get sex.

[Love_Is_Eternal]

@shessoheavy It's based on fact. These people are angry that nobody wants to fuck them so theyjust claim to be asexual.

[shessoheavy]

What. you just said that it is based on fact and then gave nothing but an opinion. I can give evidence that is real, can you give me evidence that isn't or that people often lie about it?

[Love_Is_Eternal]

@shessoheavy Sorry, I don't know how I'm suppose to provide proof over a forum, you thick dimwit.

[shessoheavy]

Um... Links to research, lol.

Like these:
news.stanford.edu/.../
https://m.biolreprod.org/content/67/1/263.full
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20857185/
www.kristinagupta.com/.../
https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781442201019#

[shessoheavy]

Also, I have rejected offers of sex from both men and women by the way