Search Results: the cycle of a relationship

I have best friend, let's say, Josh. Josh and I met about a year ago. I started to get to know Josh more and found that his values, likes, dislikes, etc. were all similar to mine. We had so much in common that we could not stop talking whenever we were with each other. I also found out that he had a girlfriend during this process. However, we stayed friends, but I started to develop feelings for him, so I started distancing myself from him. I didn't want to be the other girl ruining the relationship so I took some time to get over my feelings. You could say it became an endless one-sided cycle of me liking him and trying to suppress my feelings then falling for him again. Later on, Josh told me his girlfriend and him broke up, and one of the reasons was because he began to develop feelings for me. We started hanging out more often and we would occasionally hold hands and act like a couple without saying anything. He told me he wanted for both of us to wait so he could make sure of his feelings and that I wouldn't be a replacement. But then I noticed he started messaging her again, and soon he told me he got back together with her. And so I went back to being his best friend, having to hide all of these feelings. He is a great best friend and I feel like I can't replace him because of this strong bond and understanding that we have, yet I feel like I can never get over him and I'm tired of having to go through this endless cycle. Thoughts?