Why He Won’t Commit to You, Part 3: You’re Meh


Not committing to women you date extensively is often viewed as immature, or even cowardly, to many. And while I agree that knowingly leading someone on is rude, many men don’t start an encounter wanting to lead a girl on. Even if they end up doing so, a lot of guys are unaware that they’re leading a girl on while they’re doing it. Truthfully, sex is a difficult thing for many men to obtain, so we’re reluctant to let it go after we’ve obtained a steady supply of it. Most guys, however, (if they aren’t talking to you for the sole reason of having sex) want a genuine connection with a woman. They don’t want to cycle through countless women, even if that’s what media suggests: women take labor, time, stress, skill, etc. to obtain, and a man wants to save his resources for himself and those he cherishes, not random thots looking for free meals . . . which brings me to my first point:

1. Girls can be pieces of shit too
This point needs to be made because it is made to men on a regular basis: y’all ain’t shit (just like men :-)). Men aren’t the only ones who cheat, physically abuse, give STI’s, are mooches, etc. It’s a two-way street. Women can do anything a man can do, including the heinous stuff. In an age where we celebrate the breadth of women’s capabilities, we should appreciate both ends of the spectrum, not just the good stuff. Many people brush over their own deficiencies while emphasizing the deficiencies of others. And most men will harshly judge women who frame a relationship exclusively in terms of his failures. Our gut tells us you’re being disingenuous and unfair. Why would we want to build a life with someone like that? We’ll still take that booty though :-).

What a mooch . . . smh (lol)
What a mooch . . . smh (lol)

2. A lot of girls aren’t worth their asking price
Have you ever listened to your girl friend list her qualifications for her ideal man? Does she fulfill any of those qualifications? If not, then she needs to revisit her list. Why would an impressive guy waste time with a girl who isn’t at his level? What does she bring to the table that he doesn’t already have? What’s enticing him to stay around? I’m not saying that you should be identical to your ideal man; just saying that you shouldn’t hate on guys who live with their mom if you live with your mom. You’re them to us. You may get some booty from an overqualified man temporarily, but you ain’t go’n get a relationship.

*Yawns and rolls eyes*
*Yawns and rolls eyes* "What about me?"

3. Girls have expectations that guys don’t care to live up to
Many women do the easy job of compiling a list of expectations and character traits for their ideal mate. A lot fewer do the hard job of crafting a personality that actually entices their target audience. Holding someone to a standard you set is easy. Motivating someone to live up to that standard, even when you’re not around, is more difficult. Most guys don’t want another mom to yell at them when they’re not meeting some arbitrary standard. We’re looking for someone who motivates us to be better people: a support structure, not a disciplinarian. I’ve seen a lot of guys bend over backwards trying to please their girls only to be discouraged simply because their execution wasn’t good enough. If you want to give a man an excuse to NOT give you the benefit of the doubt going forward, do that.

He needs a new girlfriend, clearly.
He needs a new girlfriend, clearly.

4. We know you won’t do anything
Few women approach guys, and most women expect to be approached by guys. We exploit this assumption because it cedes us more authority in dictating the course of a relationship: I can pick the girl, set the pace, and commit when I feel like it. She has to be chosen, adapt to my pace, and then wait for me to commit. Women often put themselves in a reactionary (instead of proactive) position with men, and some guys exploit it (sometimes unconsciously). The fact that many women are willing to cede that autonomy (and that many actively resist being the aggressor) is something a lot of guys have a hard time respecting, regardless of its origins and precedence.

A picture says 1,000 words (or 17: soo isn't a word :-p)
A picture says 1,000 words (or 17: soo isn't a word :-p)


Guys are at fault for many situationships that never turn in to relationships, but I think we get unfairly blamed for the majority of them. Guys have logical rationales for their actions, even if we aren’t always completely aware of them: it’s hard to get laid consistently; we’re usually given excessive power during courtship, and a lot of y’all ain’t shit insofar as you would reject yourself if you were a guy. I’m not saying guys are awesome. We’re meh; but we're equals, so you’re meh too :-)

Why He Won’t Commit to You, Part 3: You’re Meh
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Most Helpful Guy

  • bamesjond0069

    Its crazy because unlike girls expectations of men, we have to earn money, lift weights etc. Mens expectations are more like things to not do, dont get fat, dont nag us, dont be a ho... they literally just need to be born to be the kind of girl most men would find meets their basic standards. Its what they do after that that makes them so meh nothing special to see here.

Most Helpful Girl

  • smg99

    Fairness and Personality are your emphasis. That’s true the only measurement to compare against. I loved the post very true.

    • smg99

      Thankyou for the MHO my dear.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • MostPaloney23

    The picture is missing the girl with her friend (s) or headphones constantly wondering why no one comes up to her. I am used to having to be the aggressor so to say but a woman with confidence to move first is attractive

  • CuriousGuyP1

    I take my time to commit because I want to make sure I’m not getting played. But women get pissed at me for it I think?

  • Skadoosher

    Most women believe that just because they have tits, they have earned respect and a life where a man caters your every whim. Well you haven't earned a damn thing till you fucking EARN IT.. Goes for anyone alive. not a sexist thing. You want Equality, well the world has delivered/delivering equality as we speak. This means females can't just be females and win. If you want a Quality man, you must be of equal Quality. Intellectual compatibility is 90% of why relationships fail. You both need to want similar destinations in life for anything serious to have a chance. goes for any relationship in life. Not just male/Female. Anything with love and feelings must have intellectual compatibility.

  • greyghostlady

    I’d like to understand why would a guy break up or not object to a break up that stemmed from not enough effort and promises he made when he started dating a a. beautiful smart intelligent loving caring woman who can carry conversation and doesn’t need financial support and loves sex anytime anywhere is supportive encouraging and funny. He is younger 10 years.
    What do you guys think about that when talking about not enough sex supply. The guy is from very low socioeconomic environment but smart and not financial stable but I felt such a strong connection with him.
    Does it view him as very immature or just got tired of it?

    • elew4too

      Based on this framing, the girl sounds awesome, and he sounds thoroughly unimpressive. My question is why is this girl wasting her time with an unimpressive guy to begin with? If he’s not unimpressive, then what are the traits that drew her to him in the first place? The only reason I’m asking is because he was acting logically: an awesome girl comes in to his unimpressive life and he doesn’t feel worthy of her, so he lets her go so that she can experience a man who can provide more for her/at her level. And he doesn’t fight it because he figured she would come to that conclusion eventually anyways

    • That is true, most woman wouldn’t touch him but I saw in him something I was 20 years ago and wanted to be there for him, teach him and care for him give him the love he never had which I have so much to give. He is complete opposite very passive. I don’t need financial support I am fully capable of that and did the marriage and kids I am moving to next phase of my life. I wanted someone who would take care of me intimately, explore our bodies together have fun and do fun things outside exclusively without the marriage and kids thing. A sweet spot between casual and serious if that makes sense. He is recovered drug addict and I met him while he was completing his one year program, I wanted to give him chance I don’t judge people by what they have or looks.
      I was poor and homeless 20 years ago and I worked my way up and I was very fortunate to attain what I have. He reminded me of who I was back then, we had good energy together and being older, having my son in college I missed caring for someone. I am not perfect but I was patient with him did a research on his addiction and cared for him.

    • Perhaps it was too much and like you said he was insecure and asked himself why I would be with him if he has nothing to offer. I am not attracted to men with status and money, to me is more emotional and what he can create from nothing, how he can contribute to make a difference in the world , that’s what I see as special. the determination factor to survive and make something out of yourself. He was very creative and has so many talents and I wanted him to explore it, harness his energy and go for it. We are both highly sexual and sexual together was mind-blowing exactly what I needed. So how to get him back not just for friends with benefits because I can’t do that I care too much and still find the sweet spot where he doesn’t get overwhelmed when I ask him to hang out outside. I need a companion to do outdoors stuff and he was on the same page when we first met and than once he found a job and dealt with life all changed
      I tried to encourage him and help him financially. I didn’t do it to make him feel like looser I believe there is nothing wrong to get a help from a woman who cares that’s what true friendship is.

    • Show All
  • Bananaman177

    Very good take.

  • VaIiant

    Good Take.

  • Secretgardenblood

    Good take

  • SuccessfulHornDog


  • Anonymous

    My god how are there no posts on this? It's so true. Women behave like they can do no wrong in a relationship