Search Results: fear in relationship

SO, I’d like to preface this by saying my boyfriend has always known about all of this. Everything has been communicated to the best of my ability. I just can’t shake the guilt.

i used to post a lot on here about my ex, who I thought I loved. Truth be told, he manipulated me, gaslit me and made me feel less than human. Even once told me to k*ll myself. During our relationship, there came a point where the only way he’d want me around was for sex. In an abusive relationship, you obviously feel the need to keep them, so I did what I needed to do. Usually out of fear that he would’ve left. That lasted for 1 year, and then for 2.5 additional after we broke up, because he never left me alone.
March 2020, I meet my current boyfriend, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and my ex has apologized and we’re semi-okay just because we have mutual friends and I still carried a lot of trauma — was 18 when I met him, am 23 now.
about 4 or so months into my relationship my ex starts to send me sexual texts, to which I would either respond “haha yeah we can’t do that anymore” or ignore that entirely. But he was persistent. And I would see him on occasion because of our friends. He’d always ask to touch me, and it would take a lot of goading and a lot of me saying no, so there were times I said yes, only for him to put a hand on me and then for me to run away. then he would text me about it, say how much he missed me and my body, and I was afraid that if I didn’t say it back, we wouldn’t be friends anymore. So I answered, very vaguely, never sexting in return. But after much therapy, I had the strength to cut him off. Because he was making me uncomfortable. My boyfriend always knew about all of this, and he always said that he saw me as a victim of abuse by my ex who had developed a trauma bond, and I never engaged too heavily (that I can remember — I’ve shut most of this time out). But I still feel like my boyfriend should be mad. Am I a terrible person for allowing this?