Search Results: lost the love of my life

I have consistently observed certain kind of up down up pattern in my real life. First I ignored my actions by thinking it as childish but, then I started to observe a certain pattern. My grades were falling and I had difficulty in maintaining consistency. Even if I succeeded to get good marks, it overwhelmed me so much that in upcoming semesters I fail in my exams knowing full well that it is not good to procrastinate or wait till very last moment. I could not make time tables or follow a routine life. I have planned so much to do in winter weekend and even bought subscriptions to home meditation and workouts but still I could not do, nor I could complete my online courses which were due for upcoming month. Only thing I did was to fester about it, get anxious and watch Netflix. When Netflix series gets over i switch to Amazon prime video or Disney plus subscription or watch YouTube videos or those shows that I don't normally watch just to escape the pending work. This behavior increases ten folds before exams. I know the subject, like the subject but could not complete a single page in one day knowing full well that it can impact my grades. I could not maintain my attention long just to talk to people get impatient and roam in my own dream world like a space cadet. I am not able to make friends , connect with new ones or enjoy my vacations peacefully as my mind wanders here and there and everywhere. I planned to explore France and bought a French learning subscription but the results were same , and so was for Tinder to find love this Christmas. I haven't got any matches yet , but I doubt that my relationship will last with my current emotional behavior. I am overreacting , self sabotaging and creating chaos small things for absurd reasons. and getting lost in memories of past and it repeats over and over. My new year resolutions are pending. I am struck in a time loop of repeating mistakes and not able to move forward. I received advices that I am putting in polls

I have consistently observed certain kind of up down up pattern in my real life. First I ignored my actions by thinking as childish but, then i started to observe a certain pattern. My grades were falling and i had difficulty in maintaining consistency. Even if i succed to get good marks, it overwhelmed me so much that in upcoming semesters I fail in my exams knowing full well that it is not good to procrastinate or wait till very last moment. I could not make time tables or follow a routine life. I have planned so much to do in winter weakend and even buyed subscriptions to home meditation and workouts but still i could not do nor i could complete my online courses which were due for upcoming month. Only thing I do is to fester about it, get anxious and watch Netflix. When Netflix series gets over i switch to Amazon prime video or Disney plus subscription or watch YouTube videos or those shows that I donot normally watch just to escape the pending work. This behaviour increases ten folds before exams. I know the subject, like the subject but could not complete a single page in one day knowing full well that it can impact my grades. Even i could not mantain my attention long just to talk to people get impatient and roam in my own dream world like a space cadet. I am not able to make friends , connect with new ones or enjoy my vacations peacefully as my mind wanders here and there and everywhere. I planned to explore France and buyed a French learning subscription but the results were same , and so was for Tinder to find love this Christmas. I haven't got any matches yet , but I doubt that my relationship will last with my current emotional behaviour. I am overreacting , self sabotaging and creating chaos small things for absurd reasons. and getting lost in memories of past and it repeats over and over. My new year resolutions are pending. I am struck in a time loop ➰ of repeating mistakes and not able to move forward. I recieved advices that I put in below.