This post is about my rant, vent, helplessness that I'm going through as I pen this down with tears rolling on my couch.
I lost my mom when I was 12 years old under unfortunate circumstances. My feeling of missing her gets aggravated at times and I'm going through one such now.
I remember you once said when I was kid "We (mom and dad), nurture and take care you, because you need to take care of us when we are aged. You will look after us right? "
I just nodded my head saying yes and dad was just smiling hearing this conversation.
I know this feeling could have stemmed out of few floating stories where children have been neglecting and not treating their parents well.
I have also heard and remember that you along with dad took immense care of grandmother (dad's mom) during her course of long ailment and also when she was admitted to hospital and you were pregnant with me.
I believe that today I can look after you, and fulfill everything you ever wanted and wished for.
I know it's not the money and job, I could have even been a janitor and taken good care of you.
But I think, money just gives the freedom and I want to share that with you. I wish I can practically showcase an answer to the question you asked more than a decade ago. I can't imagine how happy and proud you would have been seeing me graduating through high school, college, landing job and standing on my foot.
The irony is that I didn't have you all along the way and never will.
If reincarnation is believed to be true I would love to have you as my daughter, and I'm gonna repay all the love, warmth, upbringing that you ever gave to me.
Today I have lived life without you a little more than I have lived with you. I still ask the same question that I've been asking since 12 years,
" Can I see you again maa?? at least for one last time? "
and all I hear is a long silence that follows.
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