Search Results: relationship insecurity

So, maybe it’s just me being unreasonable or it’s something deeper, but I just don’t feel as into a woman romantically if she’s been with a lot of partners as opposed to a few or no partners at all. Maybe it’s just me being selfish and wanting her all to myself or maybe there’s more to it than just that. I can't really understand how some men can romantically be with a woman who has been with a bunch of other men. I mean, I would probably understand more if you wanted to use her for just the night for a one night stand or hookup, but falling in love with her? Getting into a relationship? Having children with her? I can’t really wrap my head around that. I don’t feel like I can love a woman deep if she’s had an extensive past of being with a bunch of people, nor do I feel she can love me to the fullest extent as well. I don’t think it’s insecurity, at least not fully. I think it’s something in my ape brain telling me that a woman who has been with a lot of partners is a red flag. I think it’s something biological, but my current intellect is not up to par for explaining/articulating my feeling, biologically.

I just feel like the bonding between me and woman is different if all we have to go by is one another, as opposed to having a bunch of partners before the “one.” I think something happens in our neural circuitry that might make it harder to love someone to the core, to be loyal, and to respond to sex differently. At some point, we’ll just feel as if the person we’re currently we is just another body or number. Good news is, there’s apparently a lot of women who share the same sentiments as me so there’s a good chance of finding a woman to get into a relationship with that has the same standing as I.

I should probably edit this when I have more information or my new thoughts come into my head, but right now, this is just on the top of my head. Any biology experts, chime in.

If you said that you have never gotten angry at a partner, you've either never had a partner or it's a brand new experience for you. If you are in a relationship long enough to get past the honeymoon phase, you will experience conflicts and anger. It's inevitable. The test of a good relationship is not WHETHER you have conflicts but HOW you resolve them.

Sometimes, couples argue about silly things: "Why did you move the cheese?" or "Why do you always leave the lid up on the toilet?" That usually means there is a larger issue that is not being addressed and the anger is coming out "sideways" but sometimes, your partner may have just had a bad day at the office and the least little aggravation can set them off at home.

When arguments happen near bedtime, it isn't always possible to get it resolved before going to sleep. When I get in bed with my girlfriend and the harsh feelings are still on the surface, she will usually lie on her side, facing away from me. I move over so I am behind her, spooned with her, I put my arm around her, and I whisper in her ear, "Even when I'm angry, I still love you and I'm glad you're in my life. We'll get this resolved tomorrow morning, we'll still be in love with each other, and we'll have a better day. I love you. Goodnight."

The purpose of saying this is not to sweep the conflict under the rug. If it is a significant issue, it needs to be addressed. But I know that my girlfriend has a bit of insecurity and she panics when we have a conflict. She thinks that we are going to break up and she starts -internally - to freak out about being alone, moving out, etc. I want to put her fears to rest and make her feel better so she can go to sleep. Every time this happens, it helps her to feel more secure about us, and that makes me feel good.

Have you ever done this?