Why are we competing with other girls and vying for a man’s attention?

Battle Royale
Battle Royale

I’ve been watching plenty of reality programs and drama series. I can’t deny that while it is entertaining to see women and men battling it out with one another for the affections of their spouses and partners, it is actually pretty demeaning and senseless.

To compete with other girls in the hope that your man could pay some attention to you and to go back to you. Just the sound of it is so pathetic and depressing. Like come on, you must have been feeling desperately low about yourself to go about doing that. If you are self-confident with a healthy level of respect and love for yourself, why then, do you feel the need to go about and vie for someone else’s attention? You could argue that it’s for love. But if it’s really about love, then your guy wouldn’t be womanizing with other girls in the first place. It just means that your relationship has some issues in the first place.

Whenever a girl sees her boyfriend being approached by another friendly female, why does she feel the tendency to pull out that girl’s hair and screamed insults at her man? Why do we feel the need to go through our spouses’ mobile phones to check that he/she has not been contacting the opposite gender and texting sweet msgs to them? One word. Jealousy.

But what is jealousy? To put it plainly, it’s just our insecurities rearing it’s ugly head and playing with our minds. Some couples may feel that a little jealousy is healthy and is quite adorable and loving. Does that mean all couples should have some amount of jealousy between them? Are we supposed to normalize this feeling? In my opinion, jealousy falls upon a spectrum. On one end, it could be you raising your brows from an innocent action by your boyfriend when you see him helping his female colleague. At the other extreme end, you have guys punching furniture and hitting their gfs when they suspect that they have been cheated upon.

I don’t think there could ever be a right amount of jealousy. While I can’t deny that I’m never ever be jealous, I can’t in all good sense, justify that jealousy is right and beneficial for me. Because it’s not. Never was and never will be. What I can hope to do is to keep my negative feelings in check, to prevent it from building up and accumulating into something ugly. I want to be able to communicate honestly with my partner instead of me having to check on his whereabouts and interactions with others 24/7. I have to ask myself, am I really being a good lover by stalking my bf’s activities in social media all the time and spying on him without his knowledge?

I have to understand that I am in a relationship with another adult. There’s no need to treat my guy like a 5 yr old kid. There’s no need to control him and monitor his every action like a jail warden. It’s just like how everyone hates a micro-managing boss. The boss doesn’t trust anyone else to do the job, treats everyone beneath him with a skeptic eye and wants to control everything. He has no respect for others, always suspicious of the other party even when the other person is just trying to be nice. Don’t be that boss. Don’t be that person you loathe.

Treat your guy like an adult. Respect, understanding, and communication are key for a healthy relationship, not jealousy and control. That’s not to say one shouldn’t have boundaries in a relationship. When one oversteps the boundaries of a relationship such as cheating or physically abusing the other, the other party needs to be strong and say no. That he/she will not stand for it and the relationship needs to end. Don’t disrespect yourself by allowing your guy to continue to overstep those boundaries, nor should you disrespect your boyfriend by treating him like a kid and controlling his every movement. We are all adults, so let’s act like one. Let's resolve issues in a civilized manner instead of engaging in screaming matches like children.

After this rant, I'm going back to enjoy my reality programs and drama series that depict couples in senseless fights and jealousy issues. =)

Why are we competing with other girls and vying for a man’s attention?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • OlderAndWiser

    Everything that you said is logical and makes perfectly good sense except. . . love is an emotion, not a cognition or a thought. Feelings are a primitive part of our animal heritage and love is something that drives us, not something that we usually control. Trying to make feelings follow logic is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole.

    I think it is noble and admirable to try to feel confident and control our jealousy, but I don't expect wonderful results to flow from those efforts. And if you are completely successful, does that mean that you have totally suppressed your feelings? Is that a good thing?

  • Anonymous

    Obviously we don't' want to get dramatic about it, but in essence there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to like you and trying to make that happen. Just don't be a psychotic backstabbing bitch about it and it's fine. This is why I hate all this "love yourself" stuff we see. Like, why is it so objectionable to just like someone? Instead we have to nurture our ego before we can take action. Especially with girls, they don't even end up taking action, they just polish that ego all day and when the slightest thing goes wrong it's *his* fault or "society's" fault.

Most Helpful Girls

  • smg99

    I loved reading it and completely relate to your foundation of rationale.

    All of it every paragraph is thought provoking and accurate.

    • smg99

      Thankyou for that sweetheart

  • Soft4u

    Awesome writing thank you!
    Finally there's another girl on G@G who feels the way I do, you couldn't have said it any better.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • QooLipBite

    Simple solution:

    Don’t compete then.

    Settle with a below average guy and shut the fuck up 😂

    No one’s asking you to be with nice men.

  • DWD94

    Men do it daily. We compete all the time with other men when it comes to dating.

  • brittslitt

    Whose "we"?

  • CHIFFONZ

    Right on!

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