Because it's 2016!
Oh, you still need more convincing? Fine.
I know, there are lots of women who already do this (and the highest of fives to you ladies). And maybe in your country it's more common. And maybe it's not. I'm from the US, and while the world doesn't revolve around us, I have to do it from my perspective as that's all I know. Here, while women are approaching more men, it's still doesn't compare to how much men have to do to try to woo us. In the beginning at least. This does affect the relationship later on. And I do think later in the relationship, men usually have the upper hand (like they're usually the ones who decide when to propose and thus settle for sure).
This is also more from a heterosexual perspective, because I'm interested in men. I've always wondered how women are fine approaching other women (aka lesbians) but straight women are terrified or spoiled to not approach guys. I mean, there are plenty of women in lesbian relationships, who asked who out? Lol Did they just keep "dropping hints" - how freaking long did that take then? Whatever, I digress.
No, I am not a woman hater. I am not a man hater (contrary to popular belief). I'm just annoyed at how much men complain about these issues, and although they raise certain valid points, much of it is drowned out by the hate some have pent up against women. Also, it is annoying to constantly read questions like "Omg, I'm a beautiful woman with DD cups, big butt, and I'm smart, people tell me I'm nice, why do men stare but not approach me? Why haven't I had a boyfriend yet?" How weird would it be to read "I'm a guy who's attractive, 6 feet, with washboard abs, I'm in the football team, I'm smart, and nice. why do women stare but not approach me? Why have I never had a gf?" Sure, there are some men who have asked questions like this (mostly just with the quality "nice"), but it's not as common as with women. Well, maybe the "nice" guys is as common with women, but not when guys list all those other qualities (tall, handsome, fit, etc.) Because THEY KNOW why they're single if they are. What is this secret? They KNOW they have to not be afraid to approach!
Anyways, with the disclaimers out of the way, let's look at the pros and cons to women approaching men:
Pros to women approaching men
- FOR WOMEN: You get to decide which man you want giving you attention! I think this is a big one for many of us. Because we know what it's like to be approached far more than to approach. Maybe not every woman is like this, but on average, women are usually on the receiving end. And maybe not right away, but over time, men will not be used to having to do the approaching or asking out if they don't want a missed opportunity. This is why many just "throw the net and see what they can catch". And I feel it just takes out the value in a way in dating.
-FOR MEN: This is more because of the unspoken rule of "whoever invites, pays". Sorry ladies, I know this doesn't benefit us directly, but it is a valid concern with men. Because they are usually the ones to approach, they will usually be the ones stuck with the burden of having to pay. And sure, you could offer to pay, and that's great (another highest of fives to the ladies who do this as well), but realistically, come on ladies. Not many or not enough are actually offering and just expecting to get our first dates or even subsequent dates paid for. This will indirectly benefit us because men will not think we're dating just to get "free meals" (and if you are doing this ladies, damn you. That's pretty manipulative and you should stop). Or some guys even think that they should get "something" in the end of the night. Sure not all men are like this, and thank goodness for them. It doesn't change the fact though that it's not as equal as we'd like it to be.
- FOR WOMEN: It gives you confidence! I know this sounds strange, but it's a little bit better when you get rejected. I know many of us have a fear of rejection, and to be able to just get over it and grab our cojones to ask guys we like out, yea. It's nerve wracking wrecking whatever. So to be able to ask out and either get the date (again, highest of fives to you ladies and teach me your ways lol) or you get rejected. Crazy how you can be confident after getting rejected right? Well, as I said, being able to take risks and face our fears is something women are more scared of than men. And this is true not just in dating, but also in career world and everywhere else. It's why women are less likely to ask for raises in jobs, or ask for higher starting pays (again NOT ALL WOMEN, but on average less than men). Or why we're generally worse at negotiating. Women seriously lack confidence, and I know it's not just because of this, but many times we are too afraid to take risks and FAIL. (This is why I said getting rejected is actually not that bad, we have to learn to fail at least a few times). This is something men are better at in general, and it's catching up on us. Taking risks can sometimes pay off really well. High risks, high rewards (Yes, I know giving birth is a risk and something we do conquer. But as I said, this is more focused on the beginning aspect of relationships. Pregnancy is a "risk" taken down the road once it's already established. Taking risks when something is already established is not the same as venturing into something completely new).
- FOR MEN: This is will help the men, particularly commonly ignored (like shy or nerdy guys) not feel as inadequate. Sorry ladies, this doesn't directly benefit us again. But bear with me. I've asked questions on this, and men in general are not complimented enough. I know not EVERY woman gets complimented and not EVERY man does not get complimented, but let's be real here. For a man to get attention, on average, he has to do a lot more than a woman to get the same amount of attention. And that's just glances, or to get checked out. To get complimented is a rare treat for them. While I don't think the numbers are as exaggerated as many bitter guys claim (only the top 1 or even 20% of men get attention and sex while other men are ignored, that just sounds absurd for the simple fact on the different marriages and different offspring alone. This number seems a bit farfetched to me but I could be misunderstanding it and I'd like to see sources). It does seem true that it takes more effort on their part to just be complimented, and even more to get approached. How can doing this indirectly benefit us? Hmmm. I don't know. Well, not everything we do has to benefit us. It benefits society as a whole because men won't feel as inadequate.
Taking risks can sometimes pay off really well. High risks, high rewards"
And now, the dreaded Cons to women approaching men:
- FOR WOMEN: We lose power in dating. OH NO! I know, this would mean we will not ON AVERAGE have the upper hand when it comes to dating. But, as I've said before, as a whole, the dating scene will begin to equalize. That means that we will not have as many men running around paranoid for golddiggers, if we're asking them out and paying our shares, in general they will be more at ease and lower the guard. And once he lets you in, THEN you can marry and divorce him and take half his things. Haha, kidding. But it will help men feel more at ease. I feel that the loss in power will make up for the gains other places. You're not afraid to take as much risk anymore, and that helps a lot in the business world. You're afraid to ask your boss for a raise? You already learned the worst she/he can say is no. So you grab your cojones and ask because you're not afraid of "no" anymore, or not as much. Maybe we'll finally have the courage to ask for ketchup lol
- FOR MEN: It will probably, initially at least, raise the already big egos. As I said with the attention, it's usually men who have more attractive qualities already getting attention and approached. It will probably inflate their egos first, but it will also help lots of the many men who are commonly ignored for being too shy or not "aggressive" enough. And since these men who are getting attention already are not that common, it ends up helping more men than it inflates. Also, I guess this has to do with egos, just be careful and ready for some jerks to rudely turn you down. It's happened to me (curse you small boobs!) but at least now you know that guy's a jackass.
- FOR WOMEN: It's still a relatively new concept for a lot of women, many of us are bound to fail. I know, this sucks. We don't really know much of how many girls the average guy asks out and gets rejected or ignored for. And because everyone is an individual, what works to swoon this man/woman, may not work for the next man/woman. It's a lot of trial and error, and it takes time, patience and lots of learning (look on the bright side, more lessons and virtues to learn! Yey!) This has a lot to do with confidence thing though, as you learn that the worst that he can do is say no (though some men will probably not let you down in an easy way), you learn to be more resilient. Hopefully, it doesn't make us bitter though, let those rejections/fails make you better, not bitter. Because negative people get knocked down and say "why me", while positive people get knocked down and say "try me". Be patient and prepared to fail ladies, I've been rejected by every man I've asked out. And it does hurt. I'm not gonna say I'm numb to it yet, but I figured hey. Oprah wasn't built in a day.
- FOR MEN: It gives the "bad" guys an opportunity to fuck us over. And I mean this literally. Because some guys will think we're "so desperate" and more "easy" or willing to give them just sex because we had to "resort" to asking men out. Thankfully, this isn' really that common, I've heard it a few times. And it was disheartening to hear grown men mock women for approaching them and/or them even using them. This is a reason why I feel many women don't compliment "just to compliment", because even when you just are being polite, many men and women, mistake it for flirting. But since guys are more starved for attention than women are, on average, they'll probably be ecstatic initially, to finally get attention and mistake the "forwardness" for sexual wants. It's just one of the risks, as I keep reiterating, that we have to be willing to take.
let those rejections/fails make you better, not bitter. Because negative people get knocked down and say "why me", while positive people get knocked down and say "try me". Be patient and prepared to fail ladies"
Now, it's up to you if you want to approach more guys. I'm not advocating for the roles to be reversed, no. I just think more women should be evening out the playing field. Sure, there are cons to it. And even the pros don't benefit us diectly or indirectly, but that doesn't mean it doesn't benefit us all in the end. I just think it will help many women and men. Maybe you won't even bother reading all of this because it's too wordy. Maybe you just like having the upper hand in dating ladies, maybe you're still too afraid. I don't know what your individual issues and reasons are. Perhaps I'll do a myTake in the future about grabbing your cojones (that means balls in Spanish btw) to approach men (probably will be more gender neutral because many men struggle with this as well. But I will aim it more to women as with this one). But I cannot guarantee success seeing as I have 100% rejection rate lol
Anyways, good luck ladies and may you never settle for love, but never be afraid to get what you want either. Good luck to you men too. And if you already approach us, I'm sorry for the many jerk women who've let you down rudely, and for having been told this since the beginning of like forever while we women have gottten away with it for so long (don't forget though that women have really not had much options in dating since forever either. For long periods of times, we were married off for property, or exchanged for goats. It's still fairly recent, so bear with us).