Why Women REALLY Need to Put More Effort in Approaching Men

BuchitaBuchys

Because it's 2016!

Why Women REALLY Need to Put More Effort in Approaching Men

Why Women REALLY Need to Put More Effort in Approaching.
Oh, you still need more convincing? Fine.

I know, there are lots of women who already do this (and the highest of fives to you ladies). And maybe in your country it's more common. And maybe it's not. I'm from the US, and while the world doesn't revolve around us, I have to do it from my perspective as that's all I know. Here, while women are approaching more men, it's still doesn't compare to how much men have to do to try to woo us. In the beginning at least. This does affect the relationship later on. And I do think later in the relationship, men usually have the upper hand (like they're usually the ones who decide when to propose and thus settle for sure).

This is also more from a heterosexual perspective, because I'm interested in men. I've always wondered how women are fine approaching other women (aka lesbians) but straight women are terrified or spoiled to not approach guys. I mean, there are plenty of women in lesbian relationships, who asked who out? Lol Did they just keep "dropping hints" - how freaking long did that take then? Whatever, I digress.

No, I am not a woman hater. I am not a man hater (contrary to popular belief). I'm just annoyed at how much men complain about these issues, and although they raise certain valid points, much of it is drowned out by the hate some have pent up against women. Also, it is annoying to constantly read questions like "Omg, I'm a beautiful woman with DD cups, big butt, and I'm smart, people tell me I'm nice, why do men stare but not approach me? Why haven't I had a boyfriend yet?" How weird would it be to read "I'm a guy who's attractive, 6 feet, with washboard abs, I'm in the football team, I'm smart, and nice. why do women stare but not approach me? Why have I never had a gf?" Sure, there are some men who have asked questions like this (mostly just with the quality "nice"), but it's not as common as with women. Well, maybe the "nice" guys is as common with women, but not when guys list all those other qualities (tall, handsome, fit, etc.) Because THEY KNOW why they're single if they are. What is this secret? They KNOW they have to not be afraid to approach!

Anyways, with the disclaimers out of the way, let's look at the pros and cons to women approaching men:

Pros to women approaching men

- FOR WOMEN: You get to decide which man you want giving you attention! I think this is a big one for many of us. Because we know what it's like to be approached far more than to approach. Maybe not every woman is like this, but on average, women are usually on the receiving end. And maybe not right away, but over time, men will not be used to having to do the approaching or asking out if they don't want a missed opportunity. This is why many just "throw the net and see what they can catch". And I feel it just takes out the value in a way in dating.

-FOR MEN: This is more because of the unspoken rule of "whoever invites, pays". Sorry ladies, I know this doesn't benefit us directly, but it is a valid concern with men. Because they are usually the ones to approach, they will usually be the ones stuck with the burden of having to pay. And sure, you could offer to pay, and that's great (another highest of fives to the ladies who do this as well), but realistically, come on ladies. Not many or not enough are actually offering and just expecting to get our first dates or even subsequent dates paid for. This will indirectly benefit us because men will not think we're dating just to get "free meals" (and if you are doing this ladies, damn you. That's pretty manipulative and you should stop). Or some guys even think that they should get "something" in the end of the night. Sure not all men are like this, and thank goodness for them. It doesn't change the fact though that it's not as equal as we'd like it to be.

- FOR WOMEN: It gives you confidence! I know this sounds strange, but it's a little bit better when you get rejected. I know many of us have a fear of rejection, and to be able to just get over it and grab our cojones to ask guys we like out, yea. It's nerve wracking wrecking whatever. So to be able to ask out and either get the date (again, highest of fives to you ladies and teach me your ways lol) or you get rejected. Crazy how you can be confident after getting rejected right? Well, as I said, being able to take risks and face our fears is something women are more scared of than men. And this is true not just in dating, but also in career world and everywhere else. It's why women are less likely to ask for raises in jobs, or ask for higher starting pays (again NOT ALL WOMEN, but on average less than men). Or why we're generally worse at negotiating. Women seriously lack confidence, and I know it's not just because of this, but many times we are too afraid to take risks and FAIL. (This is why I said getting rejected is actually not that bad, we have to learn to fail at least a few times). This is something men are better at in general, and it's catching up on us. Taking risks can sometimes pay off really well. High risks, high rewards (Yes, I know giving birth is a risk and something we do conquer. But as I said, this is more focused on the beginning aspect of relationships. Pregnancy is a "risk" taken down the road once it's already established. Taking risks when something is already established is not the same as venturing into something completely new).

- FOR MEN: This is will help the men, particularly commonly ignored (like shy or nerdy guys) not feel as inadequate. Sorry ladies, this doesn't directly benefit us again. But bear with me. I've asked questions on this, and men in general are not complimented enough. I know not EVERY woman gets complimented and not EVERY man does not get complimented, but let's be real here. For a man to get attention, on average, he has to do a lot more than a woman to get the same amount of attention. And that's just glances, or to get checked out. To get complimented is a rare treat for them. While I don't think the numbers are as exaggerated as many bitter guys claim (only the top 1 or even 20% of men get attention and sex while other men are ignored, that just sounds absurd for the simple fact on the different marriages and different offspring alone. This number seems a bit farfetched to me but I could be misunderstanding it and I'd like to see sources). It does seem true that it takes more effort on their part to just be complimented, and even more to get approached. How can doing this indirectly benefit us? Hmmm. I don't know. Well, not everything we do has to benefit us. It benefits society as a whole because men won't feel as inadequate.

Taking risks can sometimes pay off really well. High risks, high rewards"

And now, the dreaded Cons to women approaching men:

- FOR WOMEN: We lose power in dating. OH NO! I know, this would mean we will not ON AVERAGE have the upper hand when it comes to dating. But, as I've said before, as a whole, the dating scene will begin to equalize. That means that we will not have as many men running around paranoid for golddiggers, if we're asking them out and paying our shares, in general they will be more at ease and lower the guard. And once he lets you in, THEN you can marry and divorce him and take half his things. Haha, kidding. But it will help men feel more at ease. I feel that the loss in power will make up for the gains other places. You're not afraid to take as much risk anymore, and that helps a lot in the business world. You're afraid to ask your boss for a raise? You already learned the worst she/he can say is no. So you grab your cojones and ask because you're not afraid of "no" anymore, or not as much. Maybe we'll finally have the courage to ask for ketchup lol

Why Women REALLY Need to Put More Effort in Approaching Men

- FOR MEN: It will probably, initially at least, raise the already big egos. As I said with the attention, it's usually men who have more attractive qualities already getting attention and approached. It will probably inflate their egos first, but it will also help lots of the many men who are commonly ignored for being too shy or not "aggressive" enough. And since these men who are getting attention already are not that common, it ends up helping more men than it inflates. Also, I guess this has to do with egos, just be careful and ready for some jerks to rudely turn you down. It's happened to me (curse you small boobs!) but at least now you know that guy's a jackass.

- FOR WOMEN: It's still a relatively new concept for a lot of women, many of us are bound to fail. I know, this sucks. We don't really know much of how many girls the average guy asks out and gets rejected or ignored for. And because everyone is an individual, what works to swoon this man/woman, may not work for the next man/woman. It's a lot of trial and error, and it takes time, patience and lots of learning (look on the bright side, more lessons and virtues to learn! Yey!) This has a lot to do with confidence thing though, as you learn that the worst that he can do is say no (though some men will probably not let you down in an easy way), you learn to be more resilient. Hopefully, it doesn't make us bitter though, let those rejections/fails make you better, not bitter. Because negative people get knocked down and say "why me", while positive people get knocked down and say "try me". Be patient and prepared to fail ladies, I've been rejected by every man I've asked out. And it does hurt. I'm not gonna say I'm numb to it yet, but I figured hey. Oprah wasn't built in a day.

- FOR MEN: It gives the "bad" guys an opportunity to fuck us over. And I mean this literally. Because some guys will think we're "so desperate" and more "easy" or willing to give them just sex because we had to "resort" to asking men out. Thankfully, this isn' really that common, I've heard it a few times. And it was disheartening to hear grown men mock women for approaching them and/or them even using them. This is a reason why I feel many women don't compliment "just to compliment", because even when you just are being polite, many men and women, mistake it for flirting. But since guys are more starved for attention than women are, on average, they'll probably be ecstatic initially, to finally get attention and mistake the "forwardness" for sexual wants. It's just one of the risks, as I keep reiterating, that we have to be willing to take.

let those rejections/fails make you better, not bitter. Because negative people get knocked down and say "why me", while positive people get knocked down and say "try me". Be patient and prepared to fail ladies"

(My) Conclusion

Now, it's up to you if you want to approach more guys. I'm not advocating for the roles to be reversed, no. I just think more women should be evening out the playing field. Sure, there are cons to it. And even the pros don't benefit us diectly or indirectly, but that doesn't mean it doesn't benefit us all in the end. I just think it will help many women and men. Maybe you won't even bother reading all of this because it's too wordy. Maybe you just like having the upper hand in dating ladies, maybe you're still too afraid. I don't know what your individual issues and reasons are. Perhaps I'll do a myTake in the future about grabbing your cojones (that means balls in Spanish btw) to approach men (probably will be more gender neutral because many men struggle with this as well. But I will aim it more to women as with this one). But I cannot guarantee success seeing as I have 100% rejection rate lol

Anyways, good luck ladies and may you never settle for love, but never be afraid to get what you want either. Good luck to you men too. And if you already approach us, I'm sorry for the many jerk women who've let you down rudely, and for having been told this since the beginning of like forever while we women have gottten away with it for so long (don't forget though that women have really not had much options in dating since forever either. For long periods of times, we were married off for property, or exchanged for goats. It's still fairly recent, so bear with us).

Why Women REALLY Need to Put More Effort in Approaching Men
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Most Helpful Guy

  • DasVoz
    The female response rate for this myTake is as expected. Now, if it were titled "Why men need to grow up and ask women out more", you'd get a stream of support from entitled women who want to maintain the status quo, and benefit MORE from it.

    This myTake is a call to action that requires women to unseat themselves from a position of privilege. Sorry, equality isn't the goal of fair weather feminists, so that won't fly. We can keep our dangerous jobs and chivalrous obligations that expose us to front line risk. Women don't want any of that shit.

    Almost everything you said makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, young women don't have to listen to a single word. They don't see the need. Men flood their Social media accounts with comments and likes. Men buy them drinks in the clubs and compliment them for accomplishing NOTHiNG, other dressing in a way that arouses their genitalia.

    They have it easy. So why make it hard? That's laughable. In many ways, it's up to guys to hold younger women to a higher standard and stop giving them something for nothing. Of course, that will never happen.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I think you're being too cynical.

    • DasVoz

      Thank you!

    • That's not a good thing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 9mfeo
    I don't disagree with you, but I think that the fear of how you will be received as an assertive woman is very real for many women. While many men have said that they would welcome being approached by women and that confidence is sexy, I have also heard men say that a woman being "too confident" is off-putting.

    Is that sentiment widespread? How confident is too confident? When will the neverending list of demands on behaviour cease ("be this but not too this")?

    I think we all just need to relax. If it happens, it happens. If you like someone, don't be afraid to tell them. I don't think there should ever be the onus on one party to do something in the relationship.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Fluffchen

      Personally, there is no such thing as a "too confident" girl these days.

      But maybe it's just because I don't judge so harshly... 😐

    • 9mfeo

      @Fluffchen it's a little different in my age group, unfortunately. Not as enlightened as the young'ns.

    • milightman

      I have also heard men say that a woman being "too confident" is off-putting.

      Welcome to the world of being a guy. Where we suck it up and say okay she just wasn't into it, and on to the next one. That was a satirical tone, not a bitter one haha You just have to deal with the fact there are going to be guys that won't like what you're doing, and move on to the next guy you may be interested in. Just like how we get a friendly "I have a boyfriend," no when we ask for your number. All those threads of how a guy shouldn't feel like they got "friend zoned" will apply to a girl when she goes looking for a guy, using the traditional male approach. But I do understand that a girl's version of the friend zone, will probably just be no serious relationship found out later on...

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Klara-Hitler
    I agree as far as it is for me. but I don't agree generalizing this to women.

    First thing that you have to consider is that men had and have their own unique ways to approach, so do women. The “approach” people usually talk about is one way a male, or a female in some rare situations, usually express their attraction. and having it as the only type of approaching is entirely ignoring the very existence of the unique feminine ways a female expresses her attraction and approaches based on her own traits and abilities. So talking about approaching from a one sided perspective like this is flawed to begin with.

    Second, the standard approach is originally a male type of approaching that we see in many species of animals not just in humans. When the male dances, when the male sings in birds, when the male fights. it is not tradition, it is not Socialization, it is the norm in nature for a male to openly approach the female. So talking about it as a form of socialization is again fundamentally wrong.

    Third, In nature 'approaching' itself for a male is a part of attracting the female. The dance itself, the singing, fighting. This is a part of 'attracting' the female. without it the female will be less likely to get attracted to male, or more importantly have a hint as to whom she should choose to give her and her children a better care. This is very important to consider. But a female, she attracts whether she approaches or not. approaching is not a part of attracting for a female. Her feminine traits fill that hole. She attracts a male before he starts singing or fighting. He sings because of her. So she's already wanted by default if she has that special scent, and doesn't feel the need to approach like a male.

    That should simply end the discussion here. Especially end the indoctrination to make women act like males to reach an artificially-made equal position.

    Fourth, Putting those differences aside that modern people are so scared of mentioning them, the thing that people have to consider, even if they want to ignore everything else, is that we humans do things based on our capacity to deal with stresses.
    Males can generally deal with stress better, because of androgens, because of their mental differences and physical power. The rate of depression and anxiety was and is higher in women of all ages. They have a lower capacity to deal with stress. Stress can be very devastating for both men and women, but it has...
    • …a greater impact on women, so they are naturally more scared of it. Women are naturally more scared of everything, not just approaching, because of their lower capacity to deal with the stress that comes with every action.

      Even if we look at it this way it is natural if we see men approach more and women less. Because men are made to be more daring and risking, women generally aren’t. women are actually made to make the least risks possible to take care of their children best. Fear helps them. And it makes the society less stressed as a whole.

      And in the end you shouldn’t generalize.

      I approached two boys in my life. Though, with a mixed of feminine and standard approach because I think the standard approach is not poetic at all and it doesn’t satisfy me. And I can tell you, it is the most scariest thing you can emotionally do. I was very lucky that both times I weren't rejected. otherwise I might stop approaching and expressing my emotions.

      But then

    • But then you have to consider, I’m boy-like in my love. I can’t really say that I’m very feminine. I’m not. Some girls are like this, many girls are not. If you are like this, don’t generalize yourself with women. I don’t see myself as a prize. As a lover, I see myself as a worshipper rather than the someone desiring to be worshipped. and as a friend, that good old childhood companion I share my darkest secrets with.

      But many if not most girls see and like to see themselves as prize. it is not internalized misogyny and it’s not socialization it simply makes them sexually satisfied. Very simple. Most girls like to be sexually worshipped. And you can't change them in any way because that is the norm in nature. That is what makes them satisfied. If I don’t act like that, it’s only because of my sexual desires and fetishes, otherwise I might have as well acted like that.

    • It is my behavior that is not the norm, not women's. I don’t blame women for their natural behavior. And I don't try to force anything to women to change them. I approached my guys in my own way. I don’t want everyone to be like me. people are different, and should be different.

      What you do with these words is to shame women for what they are. You are not empowering them or caring about them.

      You are shaming them, forcing them to do what is outside of the ability of many of them. Many women aren't good at approaching, it doesn’t satisfy them. Many of them are extremely bad at deciding who they really want and should choose when a man doesn’t approach them to give them that natural hint that “this guy cares about me, he can be a good man for me”. This hint is very important and many of them are blinded without this hint.

      What you are doing is discouraging men from giving this hint and encouraging women to act blindly without this hint.

      Don’t. simple.

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  • gblue25
    I think it's only me. But some women might still be in the shy side to go and ask a guy out. Or some women feel it shows the guy is more outgoing and into them if the guy approaches them. Or some women think it would be embarrassing if a guy turned them down. But i met my boyfriend on a dating site and sent him a message/ flirt. But in this day i do understand women shouldn't be ashamed to do it as well.
    • I was very shy at first. And I am like embarrassingly anti-social. And I'm not outgoing or confident at all. I'm more of an introvert and I have a list of phobias and insecurities longer than my life.
      But eventually I'd look in the mirror and say "your life is fucked as is. You're used to failing, and you're more than used to getting what you want. The worst he can say is no. Shut up and go".

      I'm not good at talking to new people and I've never gotten a yes lol

      I know it's hard for many women to just do it, especially because pretty much we figure if he likes us, he would've done it by now.

    • gblue25

      I understand where your coming from. That's what i was trying to get at. Every women has different reasons why they don't approach men.

    • *you're used to NOT getting what you want.

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  • ConsultantIsBack
    You're an angel! Totally agree, great take. Girls that are confident and assertive in approaching, letting someone know they are interested, etc. Do very well at dating in my opinion.
  • ManOnFire
    It's an interesting idea I've already heard about, but in reality most women don't approach men because they're taught that they don't need to. You mentioned one of the cons as being an ego inflator for guys, when I think it's the opposite: women are taught that men will always want them or look at them, so they think they don't need to approach. That, I think, is the big issue. It's a female ego that comes into play more often.
    • I mentioned that it will only inflate some, not all men's egos. But these are they guys already not having to put much effort.
      But it's not a big amount, at, least it doesn't compare to the amount of men it'd help feel appreciated. So this issue isn't that big.

      Of course some women do have ego problems and prefer and even expect to be approached.

      However, I feel that you're mistaking it and branding too many women's as egos. When yes, we basically have been told and surprisingly, by MEN, to "make a man work for it". I seriously cannot count how many men have told me to either not get physical with men too quickly because he won't take you seriously. Or that "all men are pigs, you have to decide which pig is the prize pig. Trust me, I'm a man. I know this".
      And those guys don't see a woman like this as "conceited", more as "knowing your worth."

      It's far more complicated than saying "oh, she must have a big ego to not want to ask men out".

    • ManOnFire

      When yes, we basically have been told and surprisingly, by MEN, to "make a man work for it". I seriously cannot count how many men have told me to either not get physical with men too quickly because he won't take you seriously. Or that "all men are pigs, you have to decide which pig is the prize pig. Trust me, I'm a man. I know this". - You're only admitting it if you can blame guys for it, which is also common for females to do.

      A woman is going to think she's God's gift to men or approachable whether or not any guys tell her the shit you're talking about. And yes, the female ego does play heavily into approaching and not wanting to approach. People try to convince us that women have confidence issues too and are shy about asking a guy out, but this isn't a common case, because females aren't educated on how to talk to men, it's men who are tràined to think we have to have a special way to talk to women and approach them. So women prefer to sit back and just let guys to them.

    • I'm an extremely shy person when it comes to new people. I have a long list of phobias and insecurities that I still have not shaken.

      I don't think I'm god's gift to earth. In fact, I wish I did because otherwise I wouldn't have let so many men (and women) treat me like I don't deserve any better. I literally thought for a long time that it was my fault my ex cheated, that I didn't deserve any better and that if I were to leave him, I'd never find anyone else. I didn't even want to talk to anyone because I didn't feel worthy.

      Honestly, how I got over it was just telling myself "your life is shit anyways. You're used to failing everywhere else. You're more than used to not getting what you want. The worst he can say is no. " so that's how I figured hey, I'm used to failing, why be bothered if I fail at this?

      Many women are afraid of rejection. And fear of the unknown. It's still a new concept.

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  • Dragonstarterplus
    It's a good take listing the positives and negatives (which most people usually leave out). However many women are just too afraid of being rejected and too afraid of being seen as desperate
    • Thank you :)

      I tried to make it "balanced" enough. Because it's not always all positives, and we have to be realistic with what might happen.

      And yes, that was definitely my issue. I didn't know how to cope with rejection, I didn't want the guy to think I was desperate or even think that me asking him out meant I only wanted sex

    • .. shit, I hit submit in accident.
      It was also a fear of the unknown for me. I had gone so many years without asking a guy out. And new things sometimes scare me.
      Especially if they include people.

    • Yeah and it so unexpected. The first date I ever went on, the girl asked me out to see a movie. And i, being completely oblivious, replied "cool who else is going?"

  • Bluemax
    In my youth, I once asked my sister why women don't ask men out. Her response was telling. She replied, "Because we don't have to. "

    An interesting take, buchita.
    • Pretty much, too many men are already doing the asking. So now it's like "if he didn't ask me out, he must not like me."

    • And thank you :)

    • Bluemax

      Well, in the case of my sister, I don't think she felt that if a guy didn't ask her out he must have not liked her. If my friends' opinions were any indication, she was an 8/10. To her, asking guys out was not only unnecessary, but an irritation.

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  • frozenhorizon
    I already said this in a comment on someone's response, but I think it comes down to something as simple as guys having lower standards than girls. I think guys have pathetic criteria for dating and are idiots who don't realize that the way they operate is counterproductive. If they were more selective and only dated people they -really liked-, not just anyone who would have sex with them, then women would have to be more active in response if they wanted attention.
    • I've always said this too. But then guys call me a misandrist.
      It's true though. Men throw their net as wide as possible, but not all women are women they actually truly want.
      And this is why so many women are stagnating. We really don't have to change because there's still some poor sap willing to date us or bone us.

      If she's insecure, it doesn't matter as much, especially if she's pretty, she's gonna get asked out still.
      If she's unemployed and not going to school with no prospects of bettering her future, it doesn't matter, she'll still get asked out.
      If she's a bitch, yes, you guessed it, she's still gonna get asked out.

      Sure maybe a lot of those guys just want sex, but a good number want a relationship too.

  • LuckyLittleLucy
    Honestly, I never understood this whole 'only guys ask' thing. Because I thinking form about the age of 10 "Well, if only guys can ask people out on dates, how do lesbians get together?". And from that moment on I resolved that women must be able to ask because women go on dates together, and one of them had to ask!
    When I was 14, I had a massive crush on a boy and asked him out, he said no, but he was pretty pleased I offered! The silly thing was, all of my friends were "You shouldn't have asked! If you'd have waited for him to ask it would've been fine!". And eventually he did ask me... And I said yes... And now we've together for over a year! But he's confessed that if I hadn't asked him first and drawn his attention to me and my affections, he would've had no clue and probably wouldn't have noticed me... Fair play!
    I guess my point is, being brave pays off in the long run, even if it's just you thinking "I did something today that was out of my comfort zone and that's cool". Sure, a guy is still allowed to ask, but why hold back? If you want something, go out and get it.
  • BigJake
    I applaud your stance, but the reality is that this wouldn't really help matters because you'd have women competing for the same 10-15% of guys. The harsh reality is that the vast majority of guys aren't what most women want, not even close. So having girls approaching guys would only mean that those guys would be asked out multiple times a week by hopeful girls.

    Now, before you get upset, the same is true for women, only to a much lesser extent. There are women who get left out in dating, but it's a much smaller proportion, like maybe the bottom 15-20% of women are left out of the party.
    • Refer to my point my last point in "pros". You'd be really surprised who women go for. Or I should say are attracted to.

      I know girls who like "dad bods". Who like "teddy bears" etc. Girls who like men their height etc. Those who like smart men.
      Unfortunately, those types are the least likely to ask women out, understandably. Or their more cautious to show their interest, understandably because they don't want to be branded as creeps.
      So it's really hard to read whether or not these guys will respond well to being asked out.

      My friend is a very pretty girl, nice body. She likes very big men. One time, she asked a very chubby guy out and he said "are you an escort? I don't have money". It's funny, but sad at the same time. Poor guy probably rarely, if ever got attention from a girl, a pretty one at that, and he felt threatened right away.

    • BigJake

      I'm a big guy, and I've been on both sides of the fence--fit and fat. I can say that there are zero girls who like big, fat guys. I can say this because I'm my own control group. When I was 330 and fluffy as hell, I got zero attention and my attempts at just talking to girls went nowhere. Me at 260 is a totally different matter. Girls are much more eager to know me and just 'hang out.' They simply want to interact with me more, even though the only thing that's changed about me is my physical fitness.

      Either way, though, I do applaud the sentiment, but it's not going to help. I've had female friends ask me why guys are intimidated by them, and I'm like, don't y'all understand that most guys have faced so much rejection that by the time they get a yes they almost don't believe it?

    • ManOnFire

      "The harsh reality is that the vast majority of guys aren't what most women want, not even close. " - I disagree. If this was really true you wouldn't have so many women so proud of having a guy when they get one. All that 10-15% stuff is university bologna deductions that students are taught and live their lives by. Reality is different from pop culture, BuzzFeed-style logic.

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  • bizry8
    Sorry guys, but I don't ever see this happening at a broad level anytime soon.

    Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for you straight people, I wouldn't know but based on what friends tell me it seems like just finding somebody and exposing your feelings in that way is half the battle of romance.

    But as scared as you are approaching a girl you like I can promise you a girl will be three times more scared of rejection than you. I know several great girls who are smart, beautiful, and ambitious and they still can't get the courage to go directly up to a guy they really, really, REALLY like and approach him. They try to work up the courage, their friends encourage her, but when she's actually in front of him she just freezes up and can't actually go through with it.

    Girls have a lot of expectations on them coming from all sides: friends, family, media, pop culture, societal norms, etc and it's not easy for them to deal with it. When a guy gets rejected, he feels that HE HIMSELF was rejected as a total package. When girls get rejected they start thinking

    is my hair good enough
    am i too fat
    am i too skinny
    is my personality not as great as i thought it was
    maybe people don't take me seriously
    am i ugly
    am i not his type of girl
    what if this my one true love
    why doesn't he feel this way
    does he think i don't deserve him
    does he think he doesn't deserve me
    did he not like my outfit
    does he have his eye on another cuter girl
    etc...

    Girls can have much higher self confidence than guys, on the right day she can feel like the most powerful human on earth and untouchable, the next she can feel like she's not up to standard. Even within a single day she can go from a confidence level of 3, to 10, back down to 5 all before lunch.

    Guys on the other hand are more stable, their band of emotions is usually between 4-6 and doesn't really go outside of that unless something really great happens or some really bad happens.

    This, in my opinion as a gay guy, is why girls are attracted to the dark, mysterious, and brooding guys who are sort of just big lumps of steadiness and calmness. It's sort of like an emotional anchor. Its part of the reason why girls are so attracted to guys who are confident and unapologetic, it's a contrast to their own personality and fits like a key.

    That's why I don't see the majority of girls adopting the idea of approaching men, if you aren't confident enough to approach how much confidence could you have in the rest of your life?
  • RonG96
    I totally agree I would approach a guy if he is the one I want I was brought up to serve my self that includes getting in to a relationship. I hope 2016 to be the year a lot women pick up the courage and do stuff for them self instead of waiting for god knows how long.
  • EnglishArtsteacher
    Women 30 and over it seems enjoy being approached, but young women in their 20's generally think it's "creepy" when a guy approaches them.

    Generational differences? I blame it on electronic technology, since face-to-face communication is less common than it used to be.
    • Frost_Byt3

      Or the older women know their looks are fading, and are therefore more desperate, and appreciative of any attention they can get from men.

    • @Frost_Byt3

    • @Frost_Byt3 This is spot on.

  • WickedImpudence
    I was always taught (by guys, mind you) that men like to do the chasing. That they value more what they have to work for. That approaching a guy first/chasing his attention etc. comes across as desperate. The one time I ever asked a guy out it was ignored ( but he would still approach me when drunk) and was told by everyone around us that I scared him by being "too aggressive". Not saying I completely disagree with this post, I'm just putting out that guys themselves dissuade us from equally sharing the burden of initiation. You want a girl who's not easy or desperate, but you want us to chase you for once? You can't have your cake and eat it too, so which one is it?
    • I always felt insecure in highschool. So when if a girl was aggressive with me, I just assumed she was a gold digger or had some other agenda. Wasn't until senior year that I got over myself.

    • Yes! This is very disheartening to hear. A lot of times when I've asked my guy friends why approaching those shy guys didn't work, was because they probably were "intimidated" or just dismissed it as me being desperate. Unfortunately, guys seem to like the chase at times and it's frustrating but makes sense because some guys do not take no for an answer.

      I don't know. I'm still going to try because I figure I'll eventually get lucky. Who knows how much women the average guy asks out to finally hear a yes?

    • And in theory, if a guy really is interested, it shouldn't matter who makes a move as long as someone does!

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  • RedThread
    You're awesome.

    I'm not lying when I say that the most successful relationships I've been in have been when the woman approached me first. I love bold women. I think it's incredibly sexy and heartwarming in a weird way.

    I'm attracted to forward women who make their intentions known. I love no bullshit directness. I've made it no secret that I love strong women. Even growing up I was always drawn to the strong female leads in stories. They were always my heroes 😜😍

    So ladies there are plenty of guys out there who love being approached. Have fun and relax. If it doesn't work with one it will work with others. You can do it!
    • Thank you thank you! :)

      I feel that not enough men care if the woman is confident enough, so we are stagnating. And it's caused us to now even expect guys to approach us. I am so damn sick and tired of reading those "why am I so beautiful yet no man approaches me?" types of questions. I always tell them to get off their castle princess, and JUST DO IT YOURSELF. I probably sound like a bitter bitch lol

      Also, I feel that maybe I should do a take on how important dating a confident person is, because many guys wonder why we women want it so badly. And many women mistakenly get into relationships while insecure, and I've done that before. Not a smart move and I wouldn't recommend it unless you're ok with being fucked over. Not completely related to this, but I wish more men appreciated direct women lol

    • RedThread

      Yes confidence is so great. People don't realize how much it helps. I've been into a whole spectrum beauty wise when it comes to women but they all had confidence. That makes someone so damn sexy in my eyes. A woman doesn't have to be traditionally beautiful to be confident either. There are some women that are so comfortable in their skin that it makes them beautiful as hell.

      Yes people should stay away from relationships if they're dealing with serious insecurities. Yes we all have things we are insecure about but some people have it beyond the norm.

    • Bluemax

      Which strong female leads drew you in, out of curiosity?

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  • AlphaAussie
    I don't like women approaching me, unless it's like two of them at a time, then I will have a conversation, a short one anyway.

    Anyway, you're whole statement is based on a falsehood, because women do approach men, but only some men. Plenty of Fish, the dating website last year released data showing the female members rated 80% of the men as Below Average in looks. This isn't surprising given female hypergamy. 80% of women are lusting after the top 10% of guys, the alphas. The rich guy, the rock star, the prince, the celebrity. Guys are far more prone to realise what women are out of their league. Since most guys aren't alphas they approach more women more in their league. A woman is always open to trading up, over 80% of divorces are initiated by women, often when they can or think they can do better. Women approach men, they are all over men, just the top 10% of men. For all other men, women don't care to have a go at someone who isn't a couple of points higher at least than they are worth in the partner stakes. Want an example? You don't get male groupies throwing their underwear at female rock stars, do you?

    I hope this helps.
  • Maxemeister
    Awww I'm disappointed the ladies don't have an opinion on this xD

    Nice take!
    • Lol thanks. I guess I made it too long. :/

      I would like to hear reasons of why women still don't want to.

      Maybe I should have let anons comment, but there's far too many women haters on this site and I'd like to see who they are lol

    • xD well I guess some men r VERY opinionated on this topic so we gave ourselves the patience to read it. I myself am quite opinionated on this topic lol

    • Ok. Shoot.

      Tell me your thoughts.

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  • KawaiiPie67
    from what I've seen guys think it's really strange. I think it's best to just start the flirting with them and then let him ask u out.
    • tyber1

      It's not that we are weirded out by it. Many guys aren't used to getting attention from women so it's more just really surprising and unexpected and some guys don't know how to react.

    • @tyber1 maybe really shy ones. but most guys don't think this is hot.

    • tyber1

      And you know that from all your experience being male? I can't speak for all guys but if my experience with this site is any indication most of the women think guys don't want attention and the guys think they're wrong. So who is right?

      Humans enjoy attention. Humans like to feel desirable and attractive. Do we disagree yet? Are males human? I forget sometimes. But I think the answer is yes. Next you're gonna try and tell me guys like to pay for dates and wait for sex.

      Sure, there are guys who enjoy always being the initiator, there are guys who like to pay for dates and there are guys who like to wait for sex but they're the minority. Make a poll asking if guys mind if a girl asks them out. I'd be willing to bet the vast majority are not opposed. Go ahead, I can wait.

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  • Toad-1
    Awesome my take! This is something i and many other guys want!
    Ill read more later but its looking good! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
    • Thank you very much lol

      Sorry about that, being concise is not my forte. :/

  • Gonetowardthewind
    If a female around my age came up to me and asked me out, I would be really shocked. The first is that that's rare and surprising. The second thing is why would she find me attractive?(not confident about my looks at all). The last thing goes along with the second item. Is she playing me? Is it to get revenge on an ex, or was it a bet from her friends. If I got reassured that she was genuinely interested in me, I would reject her because no one has standards that low :)
  • Hjagsjaj
    Tbh I'm one of those guys that don't respond well to girls that approach me. I've had two girl approach me. The problem wasn't there appearance because I would check them out too. The issue is they come across all over confident it's like a shock to your system I need time to evaluate the situation. I end up acting nonchalant and it comes across like I'm no longer intrested. In hindsight I regret it but the initial shock is unsettling.
  • I doubt it sometimes can backfire if a woman approaches men if they are not interested
    • Agreed. Many guys seem to think that all a woman has to do is ask a guy out and he'd be jumping for joy and say yes.

      But that's not how it is. Some men don't like being approached for whatever reason. And since we're not as used to this, it's hard for us to know why. It's just a trial and error type of thing. We don't know how many women the average man asks out before he gets a yes. So I think that discourages a lot of women.

      Then we're told that if he really likes you, he'd already have done it.

      And then there's those pesky men who think this forwardness from a woman implies that she's "desperate/easy" and wouldn't take her romantic advances seriously, or mistake them for sexual advances.

  • John_Doesnt
    "Equality" is an illusion created by Dracula and his knight slaves.
    • I don't get the reference but OK...

    • It's a reference to Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The show isn't very popular and is in it's final and 8th season this year.
      But anyone who has watched it becomes a die hard fan.

    • I've seen it before. I didn't really like it :x

  • Steelhoof
    I agree with most of these points. Being a nerdy guy, yeah, it'd be awesome to receive compliments and attention. Damn, it'd be a real confidence boost :)
  • Rei02
    Thanks, we women don't have to be afraid. The difficulty is to defy and oppose to what generations have taught and impose in us.

    Not saying That it is impossible, but we need to be more assertive and not regret anything.
  • Tarvold
    Epic take. You are awesome.

    The world would be a better place with more women like you in it.
  • Bitterpill
    I would love to see more women making approaches I think it would be of great benefit to themselves and men too. Sadly I don't see it happening anytime soon knowing how most people are reluctant to step outside their comfort zone. However, I have got to say I have a lot of respect for those women who do.
  • sluggognatface
    I'm already hitched to some hot chick so who cares. Make me a sammich please.
  • QuestionMan
    Approaching shows me she's a strong confident woman and that's what I want.
    • Well lucky in your case in my case i liked a giy we made out he gave signs he was interested or maybe i misread the signs i only text him once a week and for some reason he then text me while in Europe that sorry things are not working

    • @kitty71 Well don't judge all guys by one asshole.

    • but then for Christmas and new years eve he was glad i sent him good wishes and told me it was nice to hear from me again

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  • lacorine197
    Lose the power of dating? That makes no sense, but okay, here's my take on this.. Why would you lose the power on Dating if you are getting what you want in a way? And I kind of like to stick to the old school paying for my woman type of thing, not going 'Dutch'. Besides only reason I rarely do it is because some women turn out to be golddiggers these days.
  • StickStickity13
    I prefer asking out women, because I hate rejecting girls. When they ask they seem so innocent and sweet. Plus I can ask out who I want which was one of your advantages. My advice to women who wants to ask out a guy is just do it, the more you over think, the more you will stress out.
  • asiag299
    I'd ask and I've done so before but I still expect my dates paid for regardless. Unless it's something expensive then I'll pay my own way. Never had a problem with this lifestyle. Past boyfriends and potential ones don't mind paying for me,
    • Bluemax

      I don't have a problem paying for dates. However, when you say, "Past boyfriends... don't mind paying for me," how do you KNOW this for sure?

    • Toad-1

      If you ask, you pay those are the rules

    • asiag299

      @Bluemax I was first very good friends with everyone of them and I'm still good friends with a lot of them now. It's pretty easy for the topic to come up and so I've asked.

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  • Calex
    My concern is, WHY do men get less compliments than women?

    Is it the men's fault for complimenting women too often, or is it the women's fault for rarely complimenting men?

    To add confusion to the mixture, female friends compliment each other on a daily basis, yet males rarely compliment each other.

    So if it's a guy's job to compliment a woman.. why is it not a woman's job to compliment a man?

    I'd have to think about that.
  • Botchie
    My girlfriend asked me out (Albeit over text from Online dating, but she did it) and hasn't regretted it at all. I'd have never noticed her if she didn't speak up. I couldn't be happier either.
  • golani
    every girl that approaches me, especially if i happen to not like them, i will make it clear how much i appreciate their confidence for coming up to me. i know it's not easy for girls to do especially with a great looking guy like myself
  • ThisDudeHere
    This a very good take. I condone every action taken for making women work more in the dating scene. Bravo.
  • indie_rock_chick
    Although I do approach men I like it's still hard for me because I am a shy person. It has nothing to do with me being a woman, I'm a shy person. I try do do my best though
  • Lolomon
    Now, I don't disagree that it's ok to women to approach men. But you also have to be realistic that the men that women are willing to approach and take a risk with aren't going to your average Joe. Kinda like who women have one night stands with she will find hot, granted their are women who don't have such standards, but a lot do. I think that notion will also , move the pendulum for women, It will give us greater dating power but it will backfire for men. Men aren't picky who they hit on or have sex with women are.., so it's a good thing and then a bad thing. I hope this makes sense , doesn't seem like it but.. whatevs
  • yellowmamba024
    I have been wondering why men experience rejections more and more often as the years pass by. I feel that the digital age has something to do with it? People rely so much more on technology for communication. Since that's the case, young women nowadays freak out when a random guy strikes up a conversation with them because they are not used to it?

    Women these days don't seem to be receptive to being approached anymore. I do not like the outlook of women beginning to put more effort in approaching men.
  • Azara
    I really like your take.,

    only thing is i dont think approaching takes power away. it is empowering bc you choose. and a person can screw you over just as easily if you ask them out or they ask you out. i think more easily with the latter bc they have time to calculate. I never saw being preside as having the upper hand bc at the end of the day you're not doing the choosing. only left to take whats offered.. and its especially nota power position of your treated badly for doing the choosing yourself, as many women do get treated when approaching. not that those guys are boyfriend material anyhow. but its still unnerving for a lot of women. but great take! i love your wheel:)
  • davidpossey
    i wouldn't mind a women approaching me but there will be a problem if women start making the first moves and sort of chasing men because men love chasing but some are just too nervous and shy to do it and if the dynamics switch and women now chase men men will start becoming more and more feminine since the women has taken on the masculine role the men will start being more submissive and both him and the women won't like this relationship what i am trying to say is sure if it calls for it women can approach but they should let the guy chase them a bit let him be a man and make moves let him know that you like so he is more confident and makes those moves and leads
  • redeyemindtricks
    This really isn't a men vs. women issue at all, as much as people just looooooove to argue about it. Nope. It's a dominance preference issue.

    Most women, at the end of the day, tend submissive (#sry4realityrocking), and need some sort of genuine dominance from their partners. THAT is the reason why they don't approach. It would completely defeat the selection process, for that particular (very important) trait.

    Those few women who DO tend dominant, have few issues approaching potential partners. There just aren't very many of them.
  • TatyanaTheEmpress
    The problem is - some guys are too shy, even if we make the first move, I mean, what are we supposed to do, rape them, lol :P
  • milightman
    I've kind of noticed that women are worried of the challenge of doing the approaching with possible unwanted results. Do people who approach get that sort of thing often or something? Haha but enough with being an ass. Yeah if you have stories where you got rejected. It's going to happen sometimes. You may even get "mislead". I think the woman's version of her getting misled is her finding out she was just for sex and company. Like I challenge the women here to ask guys out for a couple months. Just try it. Hell you may even like it or get dope results. But try it out, even if you get flaked out on or rejected. Keep going for a few months. Write back to us, I want to know what happened haha I may even start social experiment out of this.
  • orphan
    The only women I've come across who approach a stranger they've never seen before are strippers and intoxicated females.
  • OpenWine
    I can tell dis gotta get a lot of support from male community
  • tyber1
    It's probably well known that I agree.
  • Words_and_Wisdom
    I'm more likely to fall in love with a girl who's confident enough to approach me.
  • CBryan
    Most ladies don't want to lose the rejection card..
  • skeptic007
    I WANT TOO FUCK YOU SO BAD RIGHT NOW I LOVED THIS
  • abundantlyrich
    Wow your the female version of Watermelonoma :)
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