How do I rebuild my life and identity after a career-ending injury at 23?

[Anonymous]

I am looking for some helpful advice if anyone has any. I am a retired athlete, unfortunately due to injury at only 23, however I am ok financially. My life has somewhat spiraled since my injury and subsequent retirement and I am trying to get my life back together but it just feels like such an uphill climb. I still have a lot of the things that made my life what it was but my girlfriend did leave me and I have really not taken care of myself. I have also moved away from the city I was playing in and so I have not built a new social life were I live now. I went from being the most disciplined person you would meet to the complete opposite today. I know the major things I need to do to get back to my life being put together but I have lacked the push I feel I need to really change courses completely. Not so much the need for motivation but the traction to make progress. I have done a good job at breaking a addiction problem and its much less an issue today so thats at least one area I have moved the needle on. I appreciate any advice, Thanks

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I would seriously consider getting back to my social circle. Depending on how bad of an injury you have.

The biggest thing is understanding that you both have a lot of time and no time at all simultaneously. This is not the time to let yourself get down... Feel sorry for yourself for a short time. Think of it as mourning but get back up on your feet. Do things that make you happy, do anything and a path will open for you.

Life has a way of presenting doors when you're staying positive and trying your best.

I don't know what your sport was but it's kinda like how in basketball, there's only so much you can consciously do to be at the right place at the right time. But somehow when you keep moving, trying to be where the the blind spots are, you end up in that perfect spot for the dunk.

Anyway, the worst thing you can do is nothing. Anything is better than nothing. Heal your body, make friends, build some new skills. Maybe you'll end up in coaching. Maybe you'll end up in research, maybe you'll end up doing something totally different with people who hate sports.

I promise, there's a million ways to find happiness in this world. I've lost everything multiple times. Not that it ever became routine. But the one good thing about starting over is you get to take everything you learned from before with you.

[Asker]

I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I def agree. I thankfully am able to do 70% of the same exercises as before so the gym can be an outlet and way for my to find a win most days. If you have any insight how did you get through the dark and deep corners of life after loss?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I felt sorry for myself for too long, I wasted a lot of time chasing things that were out of my reach at the time and eventually I started thinking I'm only gonna be in my 20s once. Who am I racing against? There's a ton of people around me who aren't doing so great but they live happy lives and I know I can be good at anything so why not spend more time around people I like doing things that I enjoy.

I started going off into different career paths and meeting different people along the way. And I forgot all about how useless I was feeling, I had a bunch of failures and successes.

Whenever you're unmotivated, just tell yourself you need a win. It could be waking up on time or landing a new job or going on a vacation. But pick small ones you can do that day to start and you'll build some good energy like that.

It's all about believing in yourself. That's what sports and competing teaches you right? Once you stop believing in yourself it's all over.

[Zally]

You already know how, and i don't mean that in a mean way. You where already the most disciplined person in the past, but there is no reset button for things that happen to you.

I survived my own problems and struggles just like you have. Im working full time. I have work friends, and a girlfriend again. If a loser like me can pull themselves together, I have 100% faith that you can do it.

My recommendations are, gym. Music, dont say no to helping anyone who ask. And dont change yourself to fit in for anyone.

I know you can climb that hill so I look forward to seeing the recovery post c:

[Asker]

I appreciate your post my friend and I am proud of what you accomplished! I have had a really difficult breakup that just was so out of the blue and has really f'ed up my whole perspective but I am ready to get back to being the person I was prior to everything in my life kind of falling apart. I had a life built on unstable things so def need to build real infrastructure and routines that can withstand life's challenges. if I could only tell me younger self that ha! Also great job at what you have done. I think one of the things about success is that as you build success and become successful you tend to primarily interact with other successful people which can really be motivating in good times and un-motivating in bad times. I am ready to build my life back and I appreciate your encouragement

[Zally]

The neat part is, you rebuild better than before. Everytime you try you get better. Im no fortune telling but with what im reading, you are going to live a pretty happy life my friend.

[Asker]

Thank you Zally. I am excited about the prospect of starting fresh and having the ability to lean on prior triumphs in my life when the odds were stacked heavily against me

[Screenwriter]

I'd suggest seeing a life coach recommended by a competent therapist. I'd combine the two people to keep you motivated. Start with this and work through your mourning, which you are doing and have to get through. Sounds like you're on your way and need a bit more guidance and direction. Good luck.

[WhitneySnow]

You need to find a new purpose. Were you a college athlete? Did you graduate college?

[Asker]

Yes, I do have a college degree from a good school academically. I am considering entering the workforce but the most traditional work experience I have is an summer internship that was required for graduation

[WhitneySnow]

If I were you, I would consider graduate school, specifically medical, law or business school. As a star college athlete with good grades from a good school, your chances of getting into a good professional graduate school are very high.

[Asker]

Yea thats a good idea! I have talked to my parents about it in the past and they thought it was a good route. I am planning on doing that or getting into a career where having a graduate degree is necessary to make it to the "top." I definitely try to become the best at whatever I do, I just currently don't do much at the moment lol

[WhitneySnow]

Good luck! You must’ve worked amazingly hard and practiced a lot to become a star athlete. I know you can do the same thing in medicine or law or business.

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[Massageman]

Consider being a "silent partner" in a franchise, if you have the capital to swing that.

[Alex-Snow]

I'm sure your injury was a life changing event and the loss of a girlfriend and sex does not help also. I think it is time to focus on the positive of what you have going for you. You previously had discipline and a good attitude and need to focus on the next chapter of your life. Remember doors close but new ones open! I'm sure when you least expect it a new girlfriend will also enter your life. Would getting some counseling help at all? I'm 21 and I think I have a plan for life but both of us are young and things will change that we never expected. Hang in there and message me if you ever need some one near ur age to chat with.

[Alex-Snow]

Good job on putting an addiction issue behind you. That would not have ended well if you stayed addicted and were also having life and social challenges.

[Asker]

Hey man, ill send you a message if it lets me and if not ill respond here.

[Asker]

its not letting me message you, for some reason my account isn't at a high enough level to do so lol. It's definitely hard to put into words the difficultly of what my life has consisted of over the last couple of years, but I also know that I am at the best time to start back up. Loosing what seems to be your world is not something I would wish upon anyone but i would also want to take this time to encourage you to not make some of the mistakes I have. Definitely build things in your life that are your foundation that are always there regardless of loosing a girlfriend or job or an injury. Sometimes all three happen in the matter of weeks. There is a real value in being able to rebuild a new life and have a fresh start which is something that excites me now and is something that I am hopeful for each day I wake up. Its going to be slow, its going to feel like there isn't a path back to the highs of past points in my life, but I also know that if I keep doing the difficult thing consistently then I will be back to having my life together and sharing it with a girlfriend. Appreciate you taking the time to respond and read

[Alex-Snow]

Yeah I think you have to be an Xper level 2 or something to reply. At any rate it sounds like you are getting your shit together. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. Maybe consider a new life plan like going back to college or grad school or even tec school for that matter. I run and swim on my college swim teams... not anything even close to what you have done and have been sidelined with injuries but when that happened it does allow some time for self reflection. Take time to get outside for a walk, run or bike ride... it has a way of healing. Also continue to take care of ur mental health and yeah like all guys indulge in some self pleasure if u know what I mean. Thanks for staying in touch.

[Levin]

That's tough, man.

You're lucky that financially you seem to be in an okay position. But that also may hinder you in some form as the necessity of providing the basics may spur you on in normal circumstances.

I suppose you need to go back to basics. What motivates you. What makes you feel something. Can you train and coach people in your field if you can no longer play? What are your hobbies and interests? If money is not an object then you can really explore these and see if you can make a career out of another creative pursuit.

[Asker]

Yea in a way having enough money for the time being is strangling as there isn't a need to go out and be productive. I just need traction again but do not see how to get it to be honest

[Levin]

Nothing is tickling your fancy?

[Asker]

I just look at the life I built for myself when I was a teenager/very young adult and feel a sense that getting back to the level of success from where i'm at now is such a difficult path. But I also know that the life I lead now is not sustainable. It's weird to look back to when I was 17/18 and look at how much I had my life together. Its a very real feeling of being in a hole with no ladder

[Levin]

Yeah, but I also guess that everything flowed and it all came naturally. You were indeed, very lucky to have that. Some people never have that at all.

Some people have a good start in life. Others, everything is fucked up, and they have to scrape and struggle to find a purpose.

I'm definitely in the latter category. Not that I blame anyone but myself. I was just never going to be some college athlete or whatever, that was never destined for me.

You are also very young still. Your whole life is ahead of you.

[Asker]

Yea there is a real element of luck to it. thank you for your help!

[exitseven]

Think about your future, make a plan, stick to it and alter it as the inevitable problems pop up. If it helps break it up into smaller chunks an do them one at a time.

You have discipline , use it to your advantage. Try not to look back and try not to feel sorry for yourself.

Yes, it sucks what happened to you but life is not fair.

[Asker]

very true. I mentioned it in another reply but when I rebuild my life this time I am going to do so on a solid foundation that can handle life's storms because so much of the success I built wasn't artificial but rather was very fragile.

[exitseven]

I do not know what kind of education you have but you should consider going to college or some vocational program.

[Micheal6918]

Draw more closer to GOD, He will give you divine ideas on how to rebuild your life and identity

[Asker]

Yessir. I am definitely growing closer to God. Leaning on God has been the only way I got through this chapter of my life and I know that my fresh and new start to life is going to require just as much if not more leaning on God.

[Staximus]

Realistically speaking, how long did you expect to be an athlete? Most people’s athletic endeavors are over after college. The average professional athlete only lasts about 5 years in most sports. You were eventually going to have to get a real job anyways. Time to implement plan b and get on with your life. Time waits for nobody, life waits for nobody. You got to get back up and keep moving man, keep moving forward.

[Iron_Man]

What sport did you play? How do you know you can’t come back others have come back? Don’t just give up but try to hang in there and find the next chapter in your life if you’re really done in sports

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Pray t' Jesus t' feel better.

And lean on your second goal.

Remember-you're a Man first-you were a star 2nd.

[Asker]

Thank you Gabriel! Any word of advice on how to move forward from my breakup? She was the love of my life who I thought would be my wife forever and its difficult for me to reconcile that she is gone and is now in a new relationship

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

.. She's "replaceable"!..
Jus meet somebody "new".. ( Club, wherever.. )

[robocop666]

get a normal job. hope finances are ok.

[Asker]

I agree. I am going to put some things above that currently but it's definitely apart of getting out of my house and doing something with my life lol. Appreciate your response