Questions: Health & Fitness

i can't say stuff clearly.. especially if there's girls or pple around or I don't know.. yes i do have social anxiety.. but its not the case...

even mumble at home.. its killing me..

i either say a good sentance and before getting to the middle.. i continue it by hdjsjejfksl..

or i put 2 or 3 words together... yh funny yh

This is really long. I really hope things get better for me. But, anyways here are things about me physically, characteristics, and personality Sorry if i rant too and if this is too silly but its really bothering me and I thought id share not because I have to but because I want to. I am a guy who doesn't have many friends and has absolutely no female friends (at least none that I know of) I think Im an average looking guy. like I don't have a six pack so I am a bit reluctant to go to the beach and walk around without my shirt on. I don't think im ugly but I don't know what females think of me when they see me. But I feel like I kind of know what they probably think of me. Im 18 and never had a girlfriend. but I also suffer from social anxiety and just anxiety in general also im pretty shy which also doesn't help but, I tend to open up once im comfortable. Like I just get instant anxiety and all shy and stuff when trying to talk to my crushes of attractive women because in my mind I think that I just feel like I shouldn't be talking to them because im not as attractive as them sort of thing? I have some self-conscious issues and anxiety issues that im trying to deal with and get better as a person. My anxiety with beautiful girls is so bad that I missed out on dances and proms because im too shy to ask and worried not some much of a rejection but more if I get a nasty response back like a lash out. This has cost me opportunities to ask girls I have a crush on to dances and I even was so shy I ended up going to prom by myself and I think I was the only one without a date but I can only place the fall on that on myself. Im an emotional guy so I take all what goes on in my life to heart So I tend to feel like im not good enough, worthless things like that, It also sucks never being crushed on by a female or loved by one I beat myself up over it I also cry and get depressed over it cause I think it says a lot about me as a person and a man. Its just a shitty depressing feeling.

I'm like 100kg now and I DONT WANNA BECOME OBESE like I'm lucky that all the fat goes into my thighs but NOW it's going into MY BELLY AND THAT'S LIKE RED LIGHT N I GOTTA STOP is it okay if I cut down on the general meals and just have a small sandwich for dinner? Should I use medicine that makes me less hungry?

I'm really really trying but its hard.
I've lost maybe 15 pounds in rhe last 6 months

I study in a residential uni. My goals are simple, get good grades, look good build muscles, eat clean and graduate with with high grades. Now some of my mates in high school went to military academy and when I see them it feels the academy groomed them into proper gentlemen. So its no secret that military academy turns people into polished gentlemen due to their rigorous training, routine etc. So what are some of these I can as a civilian incorporate in my routine to be a better version of myself?

Strangely enough I am African america and have very light skin. However, most of my experience with women seems to be from korean women. My first love, first girlfriend, first heartbreak first sex. All korean girls. I have no clue why. As i dont really like them over any one else. However with my girlfriend her skin would be irritated from touching me and got sick. I think she was not used to living in the usa and having constant touch and dealing with the environment too. Also i just had sex with a korean girl and my dick was so big it hurt her and made her bleed?