Any other men feel similar to me? Read below. Also, women, give your responses, comments, and concerns below?

Question

So, maybe it’s just me being unreasonable or it’s something deeper, but I just don’t feel as into a woman romantically if she’s been with a lot of partners as opposed to a few or no partners at all. Maybe it’s just me being selfish and wanting her all to myself or maybe there’s more to it than just that. I can't really understand how some men can romantically be with a woman who has been with a bunch of other men. I mean, I would probably understand more if you wanted to use her for just the night for a one night stand or hookup, but falling in love with her? Getting into a relationship? Having children with her? I can’t really wrap my head around that. I don’t feel like I can love a woman deep if she’s had an extensive past of being with a bunch of people, nor do I feel she can love me to the fullest extent as well. I don’t think it’s insecurity, at least not fully. I think it’s something in my ape brain telling me that a woman who has been with a lot of partners is a red flag. I think it’s something biological, but my current intellect is not up to par for explaining/articulating my feeling, biologically.

I just feel like the bonding between me and woman is different if all we have to go by is one another, as opposed to having a bunch of partners before the “one.” I think something happens in our neural circuitry that might make it harder to love someone to the core, to be loyal, and to respond to sex differently. At some point, we’ll just feel as if the person we’re currently we is just another body or number. Good news is, there’s apparently a lot of women who share the same sentiments as me so there’s a good chance of finding a woman to get into a relationship with that has the same standing as I.

I should probably edit this when I have more information or my new thoughts come into my head, but right now, this is just on the top of my head. Any biology experts, chime in.

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

That's evolution. You cannot determine paternity for a woman who has slept around, is the child yours or the child his? For women this is a non issue hence them being a bit more lax in that regard. But for men you could spend your entire life raising a child that was not yours if you went with a woman who slept around. Historically that would have been not only detrimental in the fact that you would have assumed you reproduced when you didn't, but also in that raising children is expensive and historically that's many hours, days, weeks, months and years working manual labor in the fields to provide for and ensure the well being and survival of another mans child. So we are wired to be fine with casual sex with a woman like that because if she does get pregnant you haven't invested anything into her or the offspring that may or may not been yours but your also wired to avoid those kinds of women for relatioships because relationships are far more expensive for a man then they are for a woman.

Statistically the more sexual partners a woman has the more likely she is to cheat, divorce, be unhappy in long term relationships, be dissatisfied with sex, be depressed etc. So that is also an issue with that type of woman.

To put it more succinctly and crudely, no one wants to have their child ask them when they knew that their mother was the one and answer them with, "Well it was when me and your uncle Tommy where Eiffel towering her when I looked down at her and realized she was the one". That's not how you want that conversation to go.

HottHead · Accepted Answer

Your beliefs are somewhat factual in the way she can’t really love you. Don’t have the paper/study, but the more partners, the less ability to pair-bond (husband and wife) and the marriages are more likely to end in divorce if she’s had many partners. Men are also affected in the same way but to much less of an extent.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

At my age, the only women who have very little experience are nuns!

A woman with experience has learned some difficult lessons by making mistakes and enduring some pain in her failed past relationships. All of that makes her a better person and ready to be a better companion for her next partner. Of course, there is something more "pure" about a woman who has not had 14 previous sexual relationships, or a woman who did not sleep with the same guy for 35 years before they got divorced.

However, if a woman has dated many men and decides, after all this time, that I am The One for me, then I feel more flattered by that choice because she has a reasonable idea of what else is available.

Some_Goof · Answer

I think it lays down to your views on sex?
A person who has been with a lot of partners views sex as something just physical and not intimate... if you get what i mean.
And maybe you view sex as something more personal, intimate and emotional and not just a physical exchange of orgasms.

And I share your believes. For me sex is much more than physical and I don't think i can be with someone who thinks of it as just physical...

StingRayxoxo · Answer

I share your beliefs. But I'm also not interested in asking my partner how many women he has been with, nor is that something I want to share with him. Nothing prior to us matters but that doesn't mean I want to know the details.

Apple1996 · Answer

I feel the same way about men. I could never be with someone who has had tons of partners. It makes me feel like there gonna compare me to past girls. And I don't like being compared.

NineBreaker · Answer

You're not alone. I have always felt that way, and I don't think I've ever been able to rationalize it fully for a long time.

I think it's because someone's past experiences help shape who they are now, as well as giving you insight into their personality and character. To me, having many sexual partners in the past tends to scream: "impulsive", "disloyal", and even "reckless". These are not traits that you look for in someone who you hope to depend on.

To the best of my knowledge, in most cultures, women are the ones who usually tend to be far more selective about who they hook-up with, or get hitched to. Why? Because women get pregnant. Pregnancy exacts a serious health toll, and in certain contexts (often geographic or historic), childbirth = potential death. Can't risk your life having a baby that's going to slow you down if the father isn't going to be there to take care of you both, and do so successfully.

I think this also relates to how polygamy is and has always been far more common than polyandry.

That is not to say that women who have many past sexual encounters are bad people, can't change, or should be judged always by their past. I think it's a case by case basis, that's all.

Think of it this way: Who would you feel more comfortable lending your car to?
Friend A: In 30 years of driving, never had a speeding ticket. Had only 2 minor car accidents, and was not at fault. Had only a dozen parking tickets that he pays or challenges promptly. Has some basic knowledge of car maintenance.
Friend B: Same 30 years, speeds all the time; lost his license multiple times, and gets stopped by police for speeding and reckless driving every now and then. Lost count of how many car accidents he was involved in, and doesn't even know how to change a tire.

I'm just sayin' man.

btbc92 · Answer

Don't date somebody who doesn't share your values. Period. It's just that simple. It's within your right to not be with a person who is not like you. Has 0 to do with biology. More to do with your morals. I can careless about a person's reasons for sex before marriage. I don't have to be with them sexually as a virgin if I don't care about sex or them as a whole. I care A LOT to listen to God about sex. So if they won't change for them. No way. We're not compatible. You can't wrap your head around it, tell her goodbye. Your not compatible. It's okay. It's your right. Somebody else can have her. Find somebody you can be with intimately.

TonyBologna25 · Answer

I do to an extent, but it’s something that bothers you less and less the longer you’re with them. As long as they’re loyal and down as fuck for you, it gets better. Likelihood of a promiscuous girl cheating is higher than a virgin for obvious reasons, but not all of them are cheaters.

I’ve fucked a lot of strangers and when I met someone I really liked, nothing really compared. She chose you in the end, so you were best option all around, and that’s how I looked at it. It’s a difficult hurdle to get past, and would prefer if she didn’t suck 100 dicks prior to me, but it does bother you less and less as time goes on for the most part.

Passinggas · Answer

Absolutely, high mileage does lose its luster. I had a few virgin gfs and the one I almost stayed with grew fangs and turned into a man-hating psycho. I believe that life in general is a huge tease and that all things are set into opposition just to test our asses. So, as I accept that model I now approach each event, person, or etc. with an acceptance of chaos so that I can flow into it and not live the life unfulfilled desires with frustration. I just move forward, laugh, and enjoy the insanity. My advice is don’t over analyze and certainly don’t bother trying to second guess chaos because you can’t.

Anonymous · Answer

I disagree. While I am not a promiscuous woman (I have only had two sexual partners, both of which I was in a relationship with), I believe such a mentality is a double standard.

If a woman has too many partners, she's considered a slut or unappealing. Yet if a man sleeps around with multiple partners, he's experienced.

Plus you have to account for various factors, such as her having bad luck with guys or relationships, perhaps she was immature, but changed as she matured, etc.

SarahsSummer · Answer

I think it largely comes down to men’s insecurity and fear of comparison. A confident man would view himself as superior to her previous lovers or not even concern himself with anything that happened before the two met, relying solely on the relationship they have established with each other to govern feelings.

Brookie1212 · Answer

I agree. I think the past is the past and that people can change but despite what society is trying to push, in my opinion, sleeping around isn’t attractive for anyone and it doesn’t give you a good label. I think it’s best to let by gone be by Gones but I don’t blame you for wanting a woman with a little less experience

TallJanne · Answer

You have every right to feel the way you do. It's about preference and if you want a girl with not many sexual partners there is nothing wrong with that.
I think a women can be a loyal and loving partner no matter her sexual past, but I respect that others don't feel the same way.

Mon_160909 · Answer

I don’t care. I don’t judge people from their past, what it matters is the right now moment and the future with the person. I’m not insecure and I don’t believe that I’m going to be compared with last partners. But that’s just me, I don’t judge people from their past. What is important for me? A partner that can respect me, love me and treat me in the right way, the past is irrelevant.

VaIiant · Answer

As someone who gave their virginity to their current partner, and likewise, I completely understand. It would bother me, the constant wondering if he was comparing me to other women in his mind.

JDavid25 · Answer

I actually understand yo point of view ETP.. I kina share yo beliefs.. But at the same time, if the woman is ride or die for me, I would disregard they past really.. Especially if she turned a new leaf..

CandacePerry · Answer

It depends on the person. Some people have to go through a lot of bad frogs to find good frogs. I prefer to have an experience what not do in a relationship. Since my experience with ex-partner was cheating on me.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Just means u want someone who values their body and uses it wisely and responsibly. I agree

Wowgirl30q · Answer

Your a romantic under all those muscles. Nobody wants something everyone's had

Izumiblu · Answer

I’m not really into women whether they’ve had 50 partners, 2 partners or no partners

JamesBoradil03 · Answer

i dont give a fuck how many partners a woman has had as long. as long as she is clean ino give a rats ass. its just something in her past, as long as she is fucking me and no one else currently then im good.

Any other men feel similar to me? Read below. Also, women, give your responses, comments, and concerns below?

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