Do you think I will ever be capable of being in a relationship again?

[Finchie40]

Even though I would love to find true love with someone , It’s been actually hard for me to trust and fully give myself to someone, until I really get to know someone and to feel safe and comfortable with someone ever again. I have experienced and witnessed so much crazy shit through the years to the point it’s been hard for me to give my heart completely to someone. I been with girls’ that lied about having a boyfriend or husband plenty of times , I have been lied to and cheated on by selfish girls’ , I also was married to a girl for 20 years that decided she no longer wanted to be committed to me once our kids’ got older , So it’s been closed for me to accept being a boyfriend or husband ever again. I do meet girls’ that I am interested in that seem interested in me , but part of me is nervous to fully give myself because of my experiences. I tell every girl that I meet that I don’t want to rush into anything until her and I really
Get to know each other and see the big picture before fully giving ourselves to each other , because I have valid reasons to do so. At times I feel like at my age now , is it better for me just to stay single considering all my relationships with girls’ through the years ended in some crazy way. I been the other guy plenty of times to the point maybe being the other guy is where I should stay. Because at least I have my freedom and peace. But I want to experience true love before I die

[DishLady]

Wait, let me tune up my violin.

You had 20 years of HAPPY marriage? Think about that one... Did she leave you or were you liberated?

As for the cheaters... get in line. We all have some jerk/jerkette in our lives. It helps us sort out the good people from the bad people a little quicker.

But now to close yourself off completely... it just not the right move. You know that already, otherwise you wouldn't have posted the question.

So what key am I playing this threnody of yours? E Minor?

[Finchie40]

😂😂😂 well I would still be happily married if she decided she no longer wanted to stay married and loyal to me , so she became a cheater as well , so I still haven’t officially met a non cheating girl , violin is still playing 😂 I just feel lost in today’s society with how selfish people have become , I still talk and show interest in girls’ but it’s like they don’t know what they really want either , they say they do , but when push comes to shove they don’t. So until I meet a girl that actually wants what I want I am staying single.

[DishLady]

If it helps you, my ex was consistently still dating while I was faithfully married to him for a decade. He was a violent mf too. I never played the violin for him bc I know (despite popular thought) that there are good people out there. Don’t let a handful of bad seeds sour you on the whole crop. Just move to a different side of the field.

[DishLady]

Yeah, people are VERY INTENSELY self-absorbed. Oh well…. It’s their loss.

[Finchie40]

I’m sorry to hear you experienced that in your marriage , How long into your marriage did he start doing that to you? My ex and I were inseparable for a long time , we had our ups and downs but we always managed to to work through it together, but the last few years of our marriage is when she turned on me and she became violent to me as well and she became very selfish , to the point I was no longer a priority to her , the second our
Kids’ got older and she became friends’ with a toxic girl that was clearly part of the reason she started treating me like shit. My ex had other friends’ that were good friends’ but this friend wasn’t , it was almost like they were gay for each other , it was the craziest thing , not only did I think this , the kids’ and other friends’ did as well. So it had nothing to do with me being jealous , it was clearly shady shit , when I tried talking to my wife about her friendship with this girl , my wife would immediately get angry with me for asking simple questions, she got very defensive over this girl , to the point all I saw was red flags. It was like the both of them teamed up against me like I was this horrible person all of a sudden , when I did nothing but treat her the same way I always treated her. I knew I couldn’t force her to be the way things were between us , I just took a step back and observed and deep down I knew the both of them were up to no good , I was all of a sudden excluded from everything, my wife also stopped sleeping on bed with me and made lame excuses as to why she was. It was nothing but red flags , Her personality towards me became very disrespectful and rude to the point I felt like I was just a room mate to her. So I focused on myself and my kids’ and preparing for what was going to happen next , she then told me she wanted to be single and that she no longer wanted to be married to me , I said I already assumed that was the case by the way she was treating me and excluding me , so I told her

[Finchie40]

I understand , so let’s be mature about this since we have a home together , she said let’s sell the house and go our separate ways , I said ok , she moved into the basement and I kept the bedroom , I was hurt and devastated but I knew I couldn’t force her to be with me.. So we started packing up the house and put it on the market , we both agreed to split the money and go our separate ways for good , i distanced myself from her and the one night I was in bed sleeping and she came into my room and attacked me over food , grabbed her wrists to calm her down and said WTF are you doing? Attacking me over food? I said you lost your fucking mind , of course she called her girlfriend and they were threatening me that they were going to call the cops , I said for what reason? You attacked me first? I said I am going to bed , I have to be up early for work and walked away , she then filled me to the bedroom and still threatened to call the cops , I said leave me the fuck alone you are out of your mind , she was still on the phone with her girlfriend talking shit , so I grabbed her phone and threw it against the wall , 5 minutes later the cops we in my bedroom handcuffing me , I told the cops you are arresting the wrong person , she attacked me first , the cops said since she has a little scratch on her wrist we have to take you in. Unbelievable, so I went to jail for a night , and then I lost my job because now I have simple assault and harassment on my record , the court mandated me to take 24 domestic abuse classes which I just completed , Everything I worked hard for my whole life was taken from me just like that, So I am looking for a job and working under the table delivering pizza until I can land something. I told her to get her things and to get the fuck out of the house because I am not living with you anymore , you crossed the line by fucking my life up because you are mentally insane , so she moved out and I am just waiting for the house to sell

[Finchie40]

I don’t know where I am going to end up , my brother offered me to come
Live with him in upstate New York which is about 5 hours from me , so I been applying to jobs out there as well, I don’t really want to be far from my kids’ but I don’t know what else to do , considering the job market sucks , I figured the money I get from my home will help me get settled down somewhere else. Life has been crazy to me lately but I am now feeling positive again and looking forward to my new chapter in life , if I meet a girl a long the way , even better

[MissSunshine2]

Yes of course. Remember this though that you can be more lonely with the wrong partner than being truly single. That helps me sometimes.

[browsingthroughthe]

@Finchie40 Yes and I'd recommend a trip to the fortune teller 🔮 for the entertainment value or pep talk

There's no shame in a little joy :)

[BonzoInBitburg]

My wife cheated after 25 years of marriage and I had no trouble moving on and finding someone else. It's doable.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle the messy heart stuff and make love feel possible again. ❤️

You are absolutely capable of being in a relationship again. Your hesitation is not a flaw, it’s a scar. Huge difference. You’ve been betrayed, lovebombed, lied to, cheated on, and that rewires your nervous system. So now your brain isn’t anti-love, it’s pro-self-protection.

Taking it slow, not rushing, wanting to really know someone first is actually a green flag. That’s emotional maturity, not fear. The “other guy” role feels safe because your heart isn’t fully on the line, but that’s also why it feels empty long-term. You avoid ghosting, but you also avoid truly falling in love.

You don’t need to become blindly trusting again; you just need to learn to trust yourself again. Your judgment. Your boundaries. Your ability to walk away at the first red flag instead of waiting for the explosion.

You’re not too old, too broken, or too late. You’re just more selective now, and honestly, that’s sexy as hell. 😏 True love isn’t fireworks anymore, it’s consistency, honesty, and someone whose actions match their words over time. You’ll get there, as long as you don’t give up and don’t settle for chaos disguised as passion.

[sage2021]

It wasn't until I was 63 years old that I found true love with my Patrick.

[Anonymous]

I can understand
And you don't like one night stands?

But you're out there meeting people every day?

And it's clear you're single?

So I think it's just a matter of time

Also they're no pressure

No plans to have kids

No need to live together

Keep your options open

[Opinion Owner]

Thinking about what you said about women wanting what you want

Couples usually bond around children. And is that an option you want? And if not what are your shared interests. Sex maybe. Common business interests,
Doing up the house.

[NathanDavis]

for you to be in a relationship again? that's plausible yeah... I do not see it as impossible at all

will it be a good relationship though? on that, I have some serious doubts, all based on your posting history

[Finchie40]

Thanks for the support 😂😂😂

[TonyMetal___1986]

Man why you're talking about death and you're only 48?

Ofc you can find love again, easy!
What's hard is to find real love, the love that you are searching for...

[NoDecision]

Well, it will happen when you least expect it, but never when you are actively seeking it.

[Kvass]

Life is full of surprises dude, just keep swimming

[Abbycado]

I think you can, if you can get past the things you mentioned. I wouldn’t try until then.

[WhitneySnow]

I think you will. I hope you find a woman you can find true mutual love with.

[AngryCarl3]

Yes but you have to stop getting into relationships with toxic people. Try dating women who aren't your "type".

[Xdressertiff]

You sir will find a woman who truly loves you and you'll be happy again.

[Anonymous]

Nope it's been 5 years and interacting with men who actively "want me" makes me not want to be wanted

[Smileygirl2000]

Just give your self time. You'll meet someone and find that spark again.

[Staximus]

Just don’t get her pregnant and don’t marry her and you’ll be fine

[AgentG111]

Possibly but after bad ones that are more then good ones it ruins people men and women alike.

[exitseven]

Finchie I think everyone has it in them to be in a relationship if they want.

[Iron_Man]

What kind of a woman are you looking for? What age would you like?

[Finchie40]

An honest loyal girl that of course I find beautiful, Age doesn’t really matter to me , it’s the chemistry and connection that matters

[Iron_Man]

Good luck to you, my friend

[slatyb]

Ask your therapist.

[MrChinaski]

If you want to be, you will.

[_Jenny_]

@Finchie40 Sure, just be patient

[Badtobad]

Yes you just need time

[Cidknee]

Probably so.

[Anonymous]

Of course