Search Results: for love or money 2

I want to get dreadlocks. I fucking love dreadlocks but i was always afraid to get them. Now money isn't a issue for me but I never got dreadlocks because..

1. My parents think natual hair is ugly.

2. Most men don't like natural hair, let alone dreadlocks on black women.

3. I'm going to apply for a new job next month working at a restaurant part time. I planned on just getting straight sewin weave and straightening my hair whenever I don't wear it. I honestly don't like wearing straight hair but I feel like I have to otherwise I won't be able to keep a job, I won't have a boyfriend and everyone at my house tells me I shouldn't wear dreads because they are ugly but I love dreads. The main thing is, Im getting a part- time job soon...

When I wear weaves I just feel so unhappy and out of place with myself. I don't feel like me when I'm wearing weaves. I just wore them because the people around me don't like my natural hair. Now that I have a job and I can technically go out and get dreads if I wanted, people's opinions always stopped me... Every black women around me wears wigs so I feel weird about wearing my own hair out and I'm constantly worried about what other people think or if I look okay to be out in public. Most black women wear wesves. Since my personality is also very different from other people I felt even more different and uncomfortable.
i feel even more left out and different and for some reason I hate feeling different and I feel uncomfortable having a lot of attention from people so I basically hide in my house all day and worrying about what people think of me. I'm afraid of making a YouTube channel because I'm afraid of a lot attention and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable being around people.

...

When I was in year 10 (9th grade - I was 14/15) my dad kept harassing me. He'd call me a slut, take my money (I got paid in cash) and tell me it was his if I told him not to, he'd shut me in my room and hold the door closed or tell me I deserved to be treated like that or tell me I was lying to get attention if I answered back or stood up for myself, one night when I was sleeping he decided to drag me outside and tell me to find somewhere else to live because I hadn't closed a kitchen draw properly earlier that day (you could hardly tell it was open) and whenever I had work and it was raining he'd tell my mum he wanted to go out for coffee so I had to walk when it was poring down with rain and I'd was always sick.

I'm not going to lie but for a month or 2 after he stopped what he was doing I was kinda bitchy to him (I'd usually lie to him and make it really obvious just to hurt him) because I was hurt.

When I was 15 (after he stopped treating me like that) I was in the lounge texting someone and watching TV during the day and he came up to me and told me he loved me. I was still a little suspicious because I didn't know if he was just trying to hurt me again so I told him he didn't love me. He then looked really angry (clenched his fists, frowned, etc) and I immediately regretted saying that to him because I realised he was probably angry with himself for treating me that way. And that's when I forgave him and stopped being a bitch and lying to him.

Now I'm 25 now and I have abandonment issues because of the way he treated me. I don't know if I should tell him I have abandonment issues since it's been so long.

If you want more info please just ask for it.