Search Results: what hurts the most after a break up

My ex and I are both 17. I moved away from my hometown (and him) in April. We tried long distance for a few months, but things started to get tough as he's awful with his phone and LDRs demand a lot of phone contact. We never fought the entire relationship, we would just voice our concerns and work them out accordingly. He was always wonderful like that.

One morning, after telling me he loved me, he broke up with me. It crushed me far more than I ever thought possible. He told me he was sorry, and that he hoped we could stay friends. I disregarded the offer as in genuine and guilt-driven at the time. We didn't speak for 4 months. It was the most difficult time of my life. I was crying every night, I can't even describe how painful it was (I'm a depression sufferer, and I've still never felt pain like that). I pushed myself to get out, to be with friends, etc-I really improved my life, but at the end of the day, I was still miserable without him.

I finally reached out after all that time, and we spoke about the breakup. What I didn't know is how much it hurt him, and that it was the reason he couldn't bear to talk to me because it was a reminder of "what he let go". He told me that he did not want to do it, but it's what was best at the time because other aspects of his life were suffering because he was so stressed by trying to maintain the relationship. At the time of the breakup I had no idea he felt like that. I really respect his decision after talking it through with him, I'm glad he did what was best for him (and for me at the time, even though I probably didn't realize it).

Now, we talk almost every day. He's big on the push-pull behavior- he'll text me all the time for weeks, and then disappear a bit. We talk on the phone and video chat for hours. He told me he's really glad that we can be friends and that I mean a lot to him, and that he loves me (but not in a romantic way).

The only problem is that part of me still loves him. I told him this, and he was very non-judgmental and told me that although he'd be very sad, he understands if us talking is not what's best for me. Is this a bad idea? Am I making things worse for myself by doing this?