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We had been dating for 2 years and we live together. We haven’t discussed about what we were comfortable with and what not until now. We were talking about something and this came up.

This all happened before we met. He made out with a hot colleague. They never had sex and it was only because his ex was causing drama. He and his colleague decided to remain only friends. They don’t really work in the same department. They would hang out for lunch all the time. She now has a boyfriend and she knows he’s now with me. We are all working from home so they obviously don’t see. However, every now and then she would message him. In fact, he messaged her few days ago.

I am truly not comfortable with it. Had sex or not, they obviously find each other attractive. They made out and I am not comfortable with it. He doesn’t necessarily agree but he understands my perspective. It was never discussed but I am not comfortable with my partner keeping contact with exes/people you dated in the past. He respects me. He doesn’t care about keeping in contact with her, and he thinks the right to do is to cut her off. He won’t respond to her messages anymore. When they do go back to the office, he will reject her invitation to lunches or drinks after work.

I had no idea of her existence until today. I’m kind of not okay with how he never told me about her earlier. If let’s say they were meeting up alone, and I later found out he has been hanging out with a hot colleague who he made out with?… that would be a big problem. My boyfriend admitted he’s not good at communicating, and not someone who is an open book. You have to dig and ask. He just thought it should be fine. It also doesn’t make feel great.