Search Results: worst first date ever

So I’m 24. Have tried taking a few psych medications and currently only rely on one benzodiazepine for anxiety (diagnosed with GAD). I have minor trauma exposure due to parents divorcing when I was 8 and being bullied growing up. All my life I’ve been concerned with my weight and now I’m more in the average/curvy body type range. I still feel I’m huge and unattractive. I have a hard time maintaining relationships. I don’t talk to my family and do not open up to potential friends (current acquaintances). I have a fear of being betrayed by people in my life, which is why I’m generally very closed off and stay to myself. I am always single. Only dated someone short term and the WHOLE TIME I was with him, I accused him of cheating when there was generally no evidence. I typically am paranoid of people in general as previously discussed, especially around guys. Not to mention, I don’t ever make the first move with a guy and play very hard to get, hence a result of my low self esteem and feeling they’re playing me/ not interested. I was not noticed by guys in HS (a vulnerable stage), which is why I tend to use online to talk to guys and avoid socializing in person. My psychiatrist thinks I’m very dramatic and just anxious, the extent of his opinion towards my mental health. I always fear the worst in life (failure and cancer) and worry about things that haven’t happened yet. I self sabotage. My mood swings are all over the place because I think of something negative and believe it is my reality, altering my behavior until something else distracts me. When I ask people, they tend to think I’m more normal than I really think I am. I am just socially anxious, antisocial and think I’m best off alone because I’m so much to deal with. Medication has helped but only so much.