Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!


It’s time to bring incels back into the discussion today as I focus in on male attractiveness and physical beauty.

I have written on this group in the past. But things have become unclear as to what an INCEL is lately, probably because the definition was too autistic for most people not to change. (Sorry). Originally incel nku meant anyone who was involuntarily celibate. It could apply to anyone who was that. Today, people have assigned the expression a new colloquial meaning for men who hold certain beliefs. So let’s clear up the history and origin of this group.

The definition was actually created by a woman in 1993. She was graduating college with a statistics degree and never had any sex or anything close to a boyfriend. She graduated college a virgin.

Eventually she decided it would be easier for her to be sexual if she became bisexual, so at age 24 she became bisexual and began dating a woman. She lost her virginity to this woman at age 24. They broke up after six months and she wanted to rethink her past decade and her sex life. Try to figure out what went wrong and how to describe her experience.

That’s when it hit her. ‘Involuntary Celibate.’ That was how she was going to describe her self and the past ten years of her life. She went on to create a website and social forum designed to be a place where awkward loners could go to discuss their sex troubles.

After making the site, she was once again celibate for a few more years. Presumably involuntarily.

She gradually gained confidence over time and finally dated a man for the first time. She then went on to date men and women, and finally became involved in polyamory.

After she began dating men, she became embarrassed by her website and so sold it over to an unknown party — and that’s how the modern group of incels came to be.


So let’s get into the topic of this take. Which is the following: why do incels feel bitter? What sets them apart from ordinary people who have dry spells, or perhaps even expect to have dry spells as the norm and occasional lucky sex infrequently as a matter of course?

What drives incels to murder women and attractive men? What causes them to commit suicide? What causes them to fill with hatred, while others in dry spells do not?

Let’s talk about it.

Here’s my answer to these questions. It’s male competitiveness and toxic masculinity which drives incels into hatred of themselves, and hatred of women as well as hatred of those who have what they do not: stereotypical masculinity and physical attractiveness.

Something to note here is that no incel related murders have been committed by females.

Why is this? To understand this question we need to discuss masculinity, but before that let’s look at male beauty standards and what makes a person physically attractive.

Fourtunately, this is one topic that—since they have so much free time being single and not sexually active in any way—they have done expansive research on already. And, members of the community regularly photoshop themselves from their current attractiveness levels into a hot-guy version of themselves.

Here’s an example:

Real life incel on the left, photoshopped incel on the right
Real life incel on the left, photoshopped incel on the right

There are key elements to note here about this transformation. I’ll break them all down.

1. Straight thin Roman nose.

2. Positive canathan tilt; or eyes that are higher angled on the outside edges than the inside edges.

3. Hunter eyes; or small beady eyes with a prominent brow ridge and large eye sockets.

4. Prominent zygomatic arches. Forward cheekbones, well defined, high. Forward developed upper jaw. Wide mid-face.

5. Wide lower jaw with large prominent chewing muscles.

6. Large protruding chin, and wide chin.

7. Thicker neck.

8. Hollow cheeks.

So these are the markers of male physical attractiveness. According to incel ideology, one must look like the photoshopped picture if one wishes to have sex with hot girls.

Why does this matter?

In the age of Tinder it seems the only way to date is to either meet on a college campus or use Tinder. But what if you look like the guy in the non photoshopped photo and you already graduated college or didn’t have a high enough gpa to go to college? Then what happens to you?

If such a guy makes a Tinder, evidence from Tinder and places like OKCupid suggest he’d be SOL. And my personal experience on the app definitely confirms this as I don’t get much luck on the app either and I am more physically attractive than this guy, frankly.

And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?

What about ugly people?

I ADORE her, because she is an attractive woman who admits the privilege of being such when it comes to dating. The fact is that for a large majority of people, they simply don’t have to deal with these problems that this subgroup deals with.

When they smile in a photo, and dress well and do a photo shoot, people swipe right on them and find them attractive to converse with and eventually maybe get ice cream on the beach, or w/e. Typical advice for someone who isn’t aware of their privilege of being attractive is to make their personalities more enticing by highlighting their positive attributes such as being well organized, or maybe fun and exciting in terms of attending festivals. Or maybe they are outdoorsy and would like a fellow outdoorsy person and so indicate in their profile they hike, or practice yoga. But they fail to realize that if they look like most incels look, none of that matters. At least not in online dating. And here is where the rift really begins to separate this group from everyone else.

With this, let’s end this detour and go back to the original issue.

But why does this cause them to murder attractive women?

In our western society, if you have a penis and you aren’t having sex you’re not a man. You’re a failure. Indeed, incels refer to themselves as ‘manlets.’ Stunted boys who are doomed to a life of torture because they have a libido.

Let’s face it, they’re ‘subhuman’ or ‘phaggots’ or ‘little bitches.’ People will call them these things. Often, it is the attractive man who will be the first to call one out as a ‘little bitch.’

Easy to see why resentment would arise from that. But how does hatred of the attractive man, which by the way has a name in incel culture of ‘chad’ (will show graphics of this in a sec), translate into hatred of the attractive woman?

Is it because they reject the incels? Does rejection create overwhelming hatred and desire to kill in roadways with machine guns? No. It does not.

What’s really going on here is they see the guy that calls him a ‘little bitch’ fuck the hot girl who rejected him. That’s what motivates the anger which drives a young man to go out with an ak-47 and shoot up a sorority.

Indeed we know Eliot Rodger and that story. No need to go into it any more than everyone else already has.

The real problem here is masculinity and male tendency to compete. Namely, the drive to be the best and the resentment of not being the best, combined with social praise of the best and belittling of the worst. I will admit, in any given gym I am not always the best looking guy in the gym. There’s nothing I hate more than lifting around a guy that’s bigger or stronger than me. It makes me want to get bigger than him.

I just had this realization today while lifting and immediately saw the connection. And with all our emphasis on dating apps with nothing but a photo, this has never been more relevant.

So if you haven’t put the two and two together yet, the hatred and violence towards women comes directly out of male tendencies for competitiveness mixed with social norms of praising the best and belittling the worst. It breeds vengeance.

So who are chads?

Well, I have some sample images and more photoshopped pieces I found on DuckDuckGo. One of them is actually ironic because it’s a photo of the same guy lots of girls on this site often use as an example of a high testosterone guy. Anyway, here’s some examples of what incels perceive to be as chads. I have take these photos from incel community websites and have not edited them in any way.

Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!
Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!
A Chad is just a physically attractive guy.
A Chad is just a physically attractive guy.
Artwork created by incels.
Artwork created by incels.

Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!

Some more real life incels who have photoshopped themselves into chads:

Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!

What I find immediately striking about these photoshops is that I know for a fact guys that look like these edits aren’t getting any girl they want whenever they want. And perhaps, yes, me knowing that is an indication of some level of privilege that I have that I had not considered before (I’m sure we all have privilege that we are not necessarily aware of).

But of course incels wouldn’t know. They really have no idea what it’s like to be physically attractive, so they speculate. And this, ultimately, is where we find our answer. Incels don’t understand the worldview of regular people who have always dated somebody or at least gone out on weekends and hooked up, or even possibly got Tinder dates. They just don’t know because no one swipes right on them, they are creep shamed when they approach girls and except for maybe hipster bars they’d be ignored by girls out partying too.

They literally regularly get rejected by women at all venues where meeting women is normal and encouraged. And that, really, is the essence of the experience as an incel. Essentially, imagine yourself, except nobody ever right swipes you. Nobody ever seems to welcome your advances in a bar enough to even chat. And nobody out and about ever flirts with you.

Now, this can clearly be enough to trigger depression. But to recap, that’s not enough to drive someone to murder. I want to say it’s masculinity and social expectations for men to get laid that drive these rejected guys to deeply hate women and attractive men. Because, in a very real sense, their lives would be better if both of these things didn’t exist, as they are the source of their social problems.

That’s all I’m going to say on this topic for now. I find it very fascinating and will continue to read about it and learn about it.

Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girls

  • Porcelaine
    lol the photoshopped ''incels'' look like freaks. and the ''good looking'' guys or chads that you posted aren't even that attractive. Brad Pitt is basic af. yes his face is very symmetrical but nothing interesting about it. I'll take an incel who works out, does not obsess over his looks, is confident over those gay looking chads any day.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Robertcw

      And that’s exactly what they need to hear. Because they have taken the ‘black pill’ they assume they will be rejected by default and give up trying. They only speculate on reasons why they are virgins up until he point they give up, an since they all stay virgins they have no idea about what women think.

      They really need people to reach across the isle and communicate with them.

    • yes, most of the guys who have this mindset don't go out and socialize enough to see what kind of couples are out there and that these absurd standards are only in their heads.

    • Robertcw

      True, but they are looming at the girls with 250+ partners and thinking 'damn. Hiw is that even possible?'

      They want a taste of that life, not just the date less than five people in a lifetime and marry one. So its give and take really. They're onto kernals of truths, but they don't have the full story (but how could they? They have no experiencece so they're forced to speculate based on what they see online).

    • Show All
  • lifelearner011
    Great take, would you to this in women beauty standards?
    Is this still revelant?
    • yeah, be hot otherwise you're shit out of luck for a woman.

Most Helpful Guy

  • FannyDamager
    Call of Pussy - that's funny!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Robertcw

      Yep. Sad thing is, in my opinion, they aren’t wrong.

      The flip side, though is how they deal with their shortcomings. That’s what sets them apart.

      It’s true that for the vast majority of the population, relationships that are sexual come from nothing more than a photo o their face well groomed highlighting some hobbies of theirs. That’s it.

      These guys, however have it much harder. Many people don’t ever register this distinction which causes the insults on one end and the hatred on the other.

      Ultimately we can’t force physical attraction and all the other things people talk about are presuming people of otherwise equal physical attractiveness (which for a majority — average an up) this is a non issue. But for a minority it starts to make a big difference. That’s the incel.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • englisc
    The thing is it's possible to do well in dating even though the odds are stacked against you, if you know how to develop other attractive qualities to the point that women will like you despite your short-comings, and if you try to understand women properly.

    One of my short-comings is that I'm short. I'm 5'4". Ask any incel about me and they'd tell you that I'm doomed, that there's no way I could ever get a girlfriend. At this height, to them, I'm guaranteed to be an incel. Yet I've done fine, have a girlfriend of 6 years, dated before that.

    As a teen however, I was technically an incel. Extremely shy, terrible around women. The reason I was able to become successful was because I joined the PUA community, got advice from some great guys and applied it.

    The trouble with these incel forums is that it's really a bunch of clueless people talking to each other about their problems, and coming up with silly ideas that aren't actually based on reality. The way I see it, it's like Plato's Allegory Of The Cave:

    If you can't be arsed to watch the video describing this, it's a story describing the idea of what's real to people, based on perception. 3 prisoners are kept chained up in a cave from birth facing a wall, with no idea about the outside world. People walk past behind them, and they see shadows on the wall. Maybe they see these people holding objects, animals etc. Those shadows are all that they know, they've never seen anything else, so they assume that they're real.

    One prisoner is freed and he goes out into the world and he sees the way things really are. He's out in the sun, looking at real people, animals, trees, the sky, the sun. Where before all he ever knew was shadows. He then goes back to the other prisoners and tries to explain this to them, and they think that being released has made him go mad.

    The reason they think he's mad is because the things he's saying are completely outside of their reality, they just can't believe it. It's crazy talk to them. He tries to release them and they violently resist, choosing to stay where they are.

    The same goes for incels. Their reality is based on what they know - tons of rejection. They meet with others who've only ever experienced the same, and they solidify their ideas. They become comfortable in that environment. The moment someone tries to help them snap them out of it they resist.

    If someone like me who has been in their position would tell them that I managed to improve myself and get results, it's so outside of their reality that they'll reject it. That doesn't mean that what they think is actually right, it just means that they're ignorant and choose to stay ignorant for whatever reason: laziness, fear, comfort etc.

    The thing is with all of these things you have a weak, backwards view and you try to argue against society as a whole, which will never change by the way - when really the solution to this is for the individual to work to improve themselves and this is a more realistic idea. You say that masculinity and societal expectations of men to get laid are what make these guy's lives shitty. Those expectations aren't going to go away for a start, and they're also just part of our nature. It's in our nature to want to get laid, you can't change that. So the solution is to become more masculine and get laid, which is entirely possible.
    • Yes, a lot of this has to do with the problem of online echo chambers (places where everyone who agrees with one another go to socialize, and where everyone else is either banned or encouraged to leave). It politically radicalizes people and even creates killers.

      This may be why there's an upsurge. There are parts of society that are extremely unhealthy.

    • The solution is the "become more masculine"? What have you been smoking?

    • englisc


      It's not impossible.

  • Lman3000
    uhhhhhh these videos make me feel like I have cancer cause for fucksake, what time in history did people take looks so fucking seriously I hate these videos and these damn questions, fuck dating man this shit is fucking ridiculous
    • Robertcw

      Indeed man. Indeed. Girls have privilege with sex. I think that's just how it is. I get shit for speaking about female privelege but it's undeniable I think.

  • Nobodycares
    Incels should spend time working and saving money. If they had a high income, women wouldn't care what they looked like, or even (to a considerable extent) their social skills. If they're financially comfortable, they can still probably date older single women.
    • Two people don't like the truth :)

    • Robertcw

      I would say penis size probably also works for this.

  • RolandCuthbert
    Sorry, I just don't buy the argument that most incels are unattractive. They think they are unattractive.

    Here are the photos of incels. How can you claim they are "unattractive"? The problem is they do not have the social skills. But they are convinced that they cannot find a way to be successful at dating. And what can you do with a group of guys who are convinced of a delusion?

    Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!Beauty standards and INCELs, a second look!
    • Yep, it's definitely poor social skills probably mixed with a dose of predisposition to insanity.

    • Robertcw

      Perhaps. But let’s be honest. If hear guys made a Tinder think they’d get any matches?

      Probably not. They’re too skinny. Not muscly enough. Body fat % too high.

      Even extremely hot guys that incels believe are ‘chads’ are getting tops a 25% match rate. Way less matches than ugly girls are getting.

      So it’s not that they’re ugly, but rather all men are pretty fucked.

    • Robertcw

      In fact I’m about to write on a social experiment where the same girl made two accounts — one with her looking her best and one with her legitimately tryin to look ugly.

      Her ugly account got more matches than her account when she was trying to look pretty. not only that, her ugly account got more super likes. That conveys some important information I’m going to touch on shortly.

    • Show All
  • Phoenix98
    It should also probably be noted that women are attracted to some of the things you stated for biological reasons that stem from our ancient past, same reason men are attracted to features like wide hips, it's a type of attraction that's been etched in us for thousands of years.

  • RationalMale
    Here's why no one really cares about incels.

    They aren't willing to put into work and actually better themselves. They can complain all they want, but nothing comes to people who aren't willing to work and better themselves. Even a fugly guy can go far with style and working out--look at Adrien Brody and Pete Davidson.
  • Laurenbaby
    And what does this accomplish? Peoples appearances aren't suddenly going to change. No wonder everyone has low self esteem
  • Mamamialetmego
    If you are ugly and have no manliness i'm sorry but you have no hope like ugly or obese girls have no hope. Life is ruthless bitch.

    Also these "incels" go for attractive women they don't go for their equal standarts. They have weird pyscology.

    No one cares how nice you are in sexual market everybody looks how attractive you are to them, facts is a fact.
  • HereIbe
    This is bullshit. I am as ugly as my own ass and have never had a shortage of pussy.
    • Robertcw

      Statistically men over 30 have only a 7% rate of sexlessness each year, but men under 30 have a rate of 30% each year. Something is up with you get generations. It’s not the same.

    • HereIbe

      So, it has far less to do with how men look than with how they act.

    • Robertcw

      Maybe. Who knows. Maybe girls today are just different that they were 20 years ago.

    • Show All
  • MarketNews
    Although you breifly referenced it, you haven't explained why some Incels go postal while other men who are celebate (not through choice) simply get on with their joyless lives.
  • Liam_Hayden
    Unless you'd get turned down by a crack whore you are not truly an InCel.
  • esotericstory
    Eliot Rodger has killed because he was suspected to have autism and bi-polar disorder but never received a formal diagnosis and could therefore not access proper mental health resources and medication. This is the medical consensus, not some liberal political ideas.

    Secondly human beauty is recognized by intelligent perception. Beauty is healthy growth, ugliness is stunted growth. These incels have not been raised and fed properly by their parents. As a result they have not grown physically and not enough socially. They physically and emotionally stunted.
  • Pejtu
    One of the guys looks similar to Asmongold hahahahahahaha
  • Chthou95
    That's what I always wondered. Was it because they get rejected or because other guys have something they don't & feel inferior.
  • heyitselif
    4chan users left the chat
    • You say this but I bet you like the alpha male chad guy in the pic.

    • Robertcw

      For the record. I simply relay the info I see online in these communities. It’s fascinating.

  • Good take
  • CT_CD
    I'm Chad
  • onaip
  • Anonymous
    I know ugly/uncool people who fuck each other. And not all “incels” are even ugly. Elliot Rogers was attractive AND rich. He was just psychologically damaged.

    Rigid, inflexible and repetitive rut thinking is what makes a lot of run of the mill incels both angry and lonely.
    • Anonymous

      Someone making spreadsheets of facial measurements and keeping tally of imagined sex partners of women they don’t know (250 is a ridiculous guess) aren’t getting laid cuz their mind is a dungeon.

    • Robertcw

      True. But those girls do exist. Jealousy is powerful. Men are hardwired to compete for women.

      I know it isn't a lot of women, but they're out there going about their sex lives.

    • Anonymous

      Not many.

      My point is that a lot of these men have a mental illness that’s dragging them down. But they don’t even realize it because it’s presenting itself as “logic.” It’s not logic - it’s disguised illness.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    I'm I read some of this not all of it because it's too much for me, I don't think all girls find masculine looking guys attractive, I like some guys with long hair & skinny guys its all about what that person likes, like I thought this one boy was cure but my cousin thought he looked ugly but to me he looked so cute 😍
    • Boppy

      I think people having different aesthetic "types" sounds like a nice way for everyone to be happy. It seems incels are focusing on the more objective stuff, like measurements and average ratings of attractiveness, and *surprise-surprise* they wind up feeling both objectified and rejected.

  • Anonymous
    Firstly for guys looks is not really what metters is intelligence, ambition and a positive look on life. No one wants to be with a bitter guy thah hates the world.
    Second if you see yourself as unattractive just do what you think will get you closer to the "Chad" look. For example I am not a "Stacey" (have I used the term in the right way?) but I am working on that as I lost a huge amount of weight.
    Also try maybe not look for the girls that look like models and go for the more average looking
    • Robertcw

      Funny enough, I do better with hot girls than average girls. I don't really get it, but they tend to like me better. I also find most women that vrush on me and eho I also crush on usually turn out to be sorority girls.

      That said, I struggle with follow through more thab anything else. It's really hard for me to transition from flirtng and hitting it off to being naked in a bed together.

      This also blows my mind. It's like there's this disconnect that throws a wrench in the whole thing. I feel like if I figured it out 'the floodgates woukd open' so to speak.