It’s time to bring incels back into the discussion today as I focus in on male attractiveness and physical beauty.
I have written on this group in the past. But things have become unclear as to what an INCEL is lately, probably because the definition was too autistic for most people not to change. (Sorry). Originally incel nku meant anyone who was involuntarily celibate. It could apply to anyone who was that. Today, people have assigned the expression a new colloquial meaning for men who hold certain beliefs. So let’s clear up the history and origin of this group.
The definition was actually created by a woman in 1993. She was graduating college with a statistics degree and never had any sex or anything close to a boyfriend. She graduated college a virgin.
Eventually she decided it would be easier for her to be sexual if she became bisexual, so at age 24 she became bisexual and began dating a woman. She lost her virginity to this woman at age 24. They broke up after six months and she wanted to rethink her past decade and her sex life. Try to figure out what went wrong and how to describe her experience.
That’s when it hit her. ‘Involuntary Celibate.’ That was how she was going to describe her self and the past ten years of her life. She went on to create a website and social forum designed to be a place where awkward loners could go to discuss their sex troubles.
After making the site, she was once again celibate for a few more years. Presumably involuntarily.
She gradually gained confidence over time and finally dated a man for the first time. She then went on to date men and women, and finally became involved in polyamory.
After she began dating men, she became embarrassed by her website and so sold it over to an unknown party — and that’s how the modern group of incels came to be.
So let’s get into the topic of this take. Which is the following: why do incels feel bitter? What sets them apart from ordinary people who have dry spells, or perhaps even expect to have dry spells as the norm and occasional lucky sex infrequently as a matter of course?
What drives incels to murder women and attractive men? What causes them to commit suicide? What causes them to fill with hatred, while others in dry spells do not?
Let’s talk about it.
Here’s my answer to these questions. It’s male competitiveness and toxic masculinity which drives incels into hatred of themselves, and hatred of women as well as hatred of those who have what they do not: stereotypical masculinity and physical attractiveness.
Something to note here is that no incel related murders have been committed by females.
Why is this? To understand this question we need to discuss masculinity, but before that let’s look at male beauty standards and what makes a person physically attractive.
Fourtunately, this is one topic that—since they have so much free time being single and not sexually active in any way—they have done expansive research on already. And, members of the community regularly photoshop themselves from their current attractiveness levels into a hot-guy version of themselves.
Here’s an example:
There are key elements to note here about this transformation. I’ll break them all down.
1. Straight thin Roman nose.
2. Positive canathan tilt; or eyes that are higher angled on the outside edges than the inside edges.
3. Hunter eyes; or small beady eyes with a prominent brow ridge and large eye sockets.
4. Prominent zygomatic arches. Forward cheekbones, well defined, high. Forward developed upper jaw. Wide mid-face.
5. Wide lower jaw with large prominent chewing muscles.
6. Large protruding chin, and wide chin.
7. Thicker neck.
8. Hollow cheeks.
So these are the markers of male physical attractiveness. According to incel ideology, one must look like the photoshopped picture if one wishes to have sex with hot girls.
Why does this matter?
In the age of Tinder it seems the only way to date is to either meet on a college campus or use Tinder. But what if you look like the guy in the non photoshopped photo and you already graduated college or didn’t have a high enough gpa to go to college? Then what happens to you?
If such a guy makes a Tinder, evidence from Tinder and places like OKCupid suggest he’d be SOL. And my personal experience on the app definitely confirms this as I don’t get much luck on the app either and I am more physically attractive than this guy, frankly.
And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?
What about ugly people?
I ADORE her, because she is an attractive woman who admits the privilege of being such when it comes to dating. The fact is that for a large majority of people, they simply don’t have to deal with these problems that this subgroup deals with.
When they smile in a photo, and dress well and do a photo shoot, people swipe right on them and find them attractive to converse with and eventually maybe get ice cream on the beach, or w/e. Typical advice for someone who isn’t aware of their privilege of being attractive is to make their personalities more enticing by highlighting their positive attributes such as being well organized, or maybe fun and exciting in terms of attending festivals. Or maybe they are outdoorsy and would like a fellow outdoorsy person and so indicate in their profile they hike, or practice yoga. But they fail to realize that if they look like most incels look, none of that matters. At least not in online dating. And here is where the rift really begins to separate this group from everyone else.
With this, let’s end this detour and go back to the original issue.
But why does this cause them to murder attractive women?
In our western society, if you have a penis and you aren’t having sex you’re not a man. You’re a failure. Indeed, incels refer to themselves as ‘manlets.’ Stunted boys who are doomed to a life of torture because they have a libido.
Let’s face it, they’re ‘subhuman’ or ‘phaggots’ or ‘little bitches.’ People will call them these things. Often, it is the attractive man who will be the first to call one out as a ‘little bitch.’
Easy to see why resentment would arise from that. But how does hatred of the attractive man, which by the way has a name in incel culture of ‘chad’ (will show graphics of this in a sec), translate into hatred of the attractive woman?
Is it because they reject the incels? Does rejection create overwhelming hatred and desire to kill in roadways with machine guns? No. It does not.
What’s really going on here is they see the guy that calls him a ‘little bitch’ fuck the hot girl who rejected him. That’s what motivates the anger which drives a young man to go out with an ak-47 and shoot up a sorority.
Indeed we know Eliot Rodger and that story. No need to go into it any more than everyone else already has.
The real problem here is masculinity and male tendency to compete. Namely, the drive to be the best and the resentment of not being the best, combined with social praise of the best and belittling of the worst. I will admit, in any given gym I am not always the best looking guy in the gym. There’s nothing I hate more than lifting around a guy that’s bigger or stronger than me. It makes me want to get bigger than him.
I just had this realization today while lifting and immediately saw the connection. And with all our emphasis on dating apps with nothing but a photo, this has never been more relevant.
So if you haven’t put the two and two together yet, the hatred and violence towards women comes directly out of male tendencies for competitiveness mixed with social norms of praising the best and belittling the worst. It breeds vengeance.
So who are chads?
Well, I have some sample images and more photoshopped pieces I found on DuckDuckGo. One of them is actually ironic because it’s a photo of the same guy lots of girls on this site often use as an example of a high testosterone guy. Anyway, here’s some examples of what incels perceive to be as chads. I have take these photos from incel community websites and have not edited them in any way.
Some more real life incels who have photoshopped themselves into chads:
What I find immediately striking about these photoshops is that I know for a fact guys that look like these edits aren’t getting any girl they want whenever they want. And perhaps, yes, me knowing that is an indication of some level of privilege that I have that I had not considered before (I’m sure we all have privilege that we are not necessarily aware of).
But of course incels wouldn’t know. They really have no idea what it’s like to be physically attractive, so they speculate. And this, ultimately, is where we find our answer. Incels don’t understand the worldview of regular people who have always dated somebody or at least gone out on weekends and hooked up, or even possibly got Tinder dates. They just don’t know because no one swipes right on them, they are creep shamed when they approach girls and except for maybe hipster bars they’d be ignored by girls out partying too.
They literally regularly get rejected by women at all venues where meeting women is normal and encouraged. And that, really, is the essence of the experience as an incel. Essentially, imagine yourself, except nobody ever right swipes you. Nobody ever seems to welcome your advances in a bar enough to even chat. And nobody out and about ever flirts with you.
Now, this can clearly be enough to trigger depression. But to recap, that’s not enough to drive someone to murder. I want to say it’s masculinity and social expectations for men to get laid that drive these rejected guys to deeply hate women and attractive men. Because, in a very real sense, their lives would be better if both of these things didn’t exist, as they are the source of their social problems.
That’s all I’m going to say on this topic for now. I find it very fascinating and will continue to read about it and learn about it.