Tinder, eHarmony, Match, Bumble…
Some people use these online dating sites and apps just for sex and if that’s your goal, then good for you. Most people after reaching a certain age, though, do genuinely use them for their intent: Dating.
But have you ever wondered why no one messages you or replies to your messages? We all know women RECEIVE more messages than men, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they get more partners or get better dates. And, sometimes, the messages sent are just completely ignored. Same goes for men.
Well, the fault could lie within your profile. I know, I know, people are under the belief that no one actually ‘reads’ the profiles, which isn’t true. Even if it’s just a quick skim for essential information, most people do glance at the profile, and it is that very thing that could be the reason why you neither receive messages nor replies to your messages.
Here’s a list of things your could be doing wrong with your dating profile.
1. You announce that not only do you have kids, but they will always come first
First, no one is saying your child should not be the light of your life and what not. But this is a very VERY horrendous thing to put in your profile. Why? Well, most dating sites these days, even the basic ones like Plenty of Fish, have a section that specifically asks about kids. How many do you have? Do you want more? Do you want any at all? Just leave it at that.
There’s nothing wrong with saying you have a kid or that you love them or whatever. The problem is with saying in your profile that your child will always come first. You are basically saying you are unwilling to put the needs of your future partner first in any sense. The truth is that kids are not supposed to run a relationship or dictate one. Most people are not going to enter a relationship knowing they will forever be in second place. There has to be some type of compromise. It’s possible to love your child and still compromise with a partner. And most people who date someone with a child will not expect you to ditch your kid for them. But it’s not unreasonable to for them to want their needs put first every once in a while because that’s what happens in relationships.
Of course, if you have kid and they get sick with the flu and you have to cancel a date, that’s reasonable. Things like that will happen. And if someone doesn’t want to date you because you have a child, then they most likely will not read on to your profile, anyway. They’ll stop at the top where you asked if you have kids and you answer yes. But for people who do not MIND that you have a kid, they will read on and if you announce your kid will always come first, you essentially told them their needs will never be a priority. Whether or not you mean it like that isn’t relevant. That’s how it comes across.
2. You include photos of kids and never explain who they are
Probably the WORST thing you can do. Most people go straight for the photos before even getting to the profile. If your profile has the same kid in every picture, most people are going to assume that’s your kid. If this is someone who does not care if you have kids, then it won’t matter. However, this is an instant turn off for people who do not want kids because the immediate assumption is that the kid in the picture is yours. Most photos allow you to write a brief description under it. Just mention if the kid is your sibling, niece, nephew, or child. This will help solve a lot of your problems.
3. You say you have a college degree, but your grammar is worse than a toddler’s
This one is my biggest pet peeve. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an English teacher or what, but I genuinely cannot stand this. At first, I thought I was being unreasonable However, it turns out this is a turn off for a LOT of people, especially women who come across a guys profile. In fact, a Match.com study found that 5,000 women, 96% said that poor spelling and grammar was a major factor when seeking a potential partner. If your message includes poor grammar and spelling, too, then this may be a huge reason why the ladies are not responding to you.
I can explain why poor grammar and spelling is a huge turn off for both genders. First, it makes you sound like an idiot, and those types of people just are not smart. This is especially true if you are over the age of 21 because this is the age where most people begin living on their own and start careers. Second, it shows a lack of effort and interest. Think about it. If you are going to an interview for a job that you really want, are you going to bring a resume polluted with spelling errors or are you going to use slang predominantly throughout the interview? I’m going to assume the answer is no, so when you approach a potential date or partner like that, then they are assuming you aren’t really that interested in getting to know them.
Another fun fact about spelling and grammar is that it is starting to become associated with scams and frauds. Catfishing isn’t a new thing, but if you’ve ever seen the TV show Catfish or watched a segment of catfishing on Dr. Phil, then you would know that this is a major red flag for scammers and liars.
Spelling errors happen, but when you are purposefully using text talk or 'u r use 2 typing like dis', that's when the problem comes around.
4. Vulgar photos and language can be a turn off for the right person
This one really depends on the person, but there are certain things you say and do that can turn off a potential mate. For instance, if a woman who is a restaurant manager sends a message to a guy who is a lawyer asking for a date, he might say yes. Curious, he goes to her profile. Her first photo is a selfie of her smiling and happy. Her second photo is her with a bottle of Grey Goose in her hand standing on a table. He most likely is not going to respond.
I can relate to this one personally. As a teacher, I cannot be associated with someone who openly puts up the middle finger in photos with bottles of beers around them. It’s just something that comes with the job. I can get in trouble for being associated with people who do things similar that that because it’s part of my contract. Yes, we actually have a part of our contract that states, and I quote, “Teachers shall conduct themselves in a professional manner outside of school, in person or otherwise. This is true for any public platform, including social media. Unprofessional conduct outside of school hours is grounds for disciplinary action up to and including termination of professional teaching assignment.” We then took an online training stating that our associates could get us in trouble. I actually had to delete a cousin from Facebook due to her behaviors on there so this is a real thing. If you don’t have a job that cares about that, then congratulations. Most people do, though, unless they work in a field that requires no training or certificate. If you are open to dating someone with those requirements from employers, then you will have to be willing to censor yourself somewhat.
Beyond that, some people just don’t like it. You may be someone who only drinks once a month, but if you choose to put up photos only of you drinking at a house party, then that’s not the impression you are giving off.
5. You only have one picture or too many filters
Pretty sure this is the most obvious of them all, but please put up more than one picture. You should have a variety. Have full body photos, maybe a couple selfies, or have some with you out with friends. You pictures should compliment your actual profile. For instance, if you have in your profile that you love swim, maybe take a photo of you by a swimming pool or beach.
From what I have HEARD, this is more of an issue with women than men. Men typically have a variety of photos of them doing different things out and about. Men also tend to have a lot of goofy photos, too, to show their fun side. Women, though, tend to have a bunch of selfies or photos from their good side or pictures of them with other women in it all doing the same pose, but not really doing anything exciting.
Here’s one that I KNOW is an issue with female profiles. In an effort to look ‘sexy’, you just really look like an angry bitch. You aren’t smiling in your photo, your head is tilted one direction, maybe you’re doing a duck face, and you’re giving the camera the side eye. Oh, and the photo is always taken from a downward angle to make your face look slimmer.
Look, if you ever get a date, he’s going to see what you look like. Be upfront and honest with your picture. Stop with the filters. Stop with the duck face. Stop with the same old ‘hand on hip, wide smile’ picture that we all do because boo, it’s not original. I know you think it is, but it isn’t.
Lastly, go easy on the make up. It’s cool that you wear it, but your face shouldn’t be caked in it. I mean, if that’s your look and how you always wear it, then fine. But your best photo shouldn’t be the one that you are least likely to look like on a daily basis. If you don’t wear make a lot or every day, then that shouldn’t be your main or best picture. Put up what you ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE. You can’t be upset with men when they see your picture and then ditch you because you surprised them later with your real face. You should look like your actual picture.'
6. You think sarcasm is cute when it is not
Sarcasm is usually something that you introduce once someone gets to know you. You don’t start out with it. Your profile shouldn’t be riddled with insults or inside jokes because it just kind of makes you seem like an asshole. There’s nothing wrong with being sarcastic. However, that shouldn’t be the theme of your profile.
I also need to put this out there. Sarcasm isn’t synonymous with ‘mean’. It’s possible to be sarcastic without being insulting. If your sarcasm is almost always created at the expense of someone else, especially the person you’re trying to date, then you probably won’t get anywhere.
7. For the love of God, please do not talk about your ex
I don’t know how women are with this, and male G@Gers feel free to fill us in, but men have this habit of bringing up their ex in their profiles to varying degrees. We don’t need to hear anything about your ex other than if they are a parent to your child (if you have one) and when the relationship ended. After that, put a cork in it until you get to know the other person. This is for two reasons.
The first is because it sends the message that you are not over your ex. You may not want to still BE with them, but you aren’t over what they did to you or the memories you had with them. This means you sound like you are looking for a replacement. No one should be a replacement.
The second is because, honestly, it just isn’t any of the other person’s business. You don’t need to turn your profile or messages into a therapy session. Why are you telling someone you don’t know all of your business? Why does she need to know your last girlfriend cheated within minutes of contact? Why does he need to know that your last boyfriend called you names within the first couple minutes? The answer is that they DON’T. Wait and see if their person is worth your time. Keep your business YOUR BUSINESS until the other person proves they can handle it or they are worthy enough of knowing.
8. Your profile doesn’t actually say what you’re looking for
Whether it’s sex or dating, your profile literally doesn’t say. Your profile is supposed to be a bit about you, yes, but it’s also supposed to illustrate your ideal partner. Everyone puts the cliche ‘loyal and loving and caring’ crap, but what do you ACTUALLY want? If you want just friends with benefits, then SAY IT. Don’t message a girl and ask her in private. Put it on your profile. It helps weed people out, especially on sites that actually use the information to help you find ideal partners. Just be honest with what you want. It’ll save you and other people a lot of heartache.
Hopefully this helps you with creating that profile, even if you’re just looking for a booty call.