Search Results: up front with men

I always had feelings for this married guy, but I respected him being married. A few years ago he started hitting on me really hard and even though I can say I loved him I didn't give in because I wasn't sure what his intentions were. I didn't want to be his sex you on the side, I wanted to be his partner if anything and for him yonrespectfully split from his wife, if that was also what he wanted and so on.

His advances looked like this:
He touched me on my arms, shoulders, called me late in the evening under some pretense, called me beautiful and charming, gave me very intense and direct looks, showed signs of jealousy, made me understand that he finds me very attractive etc.
I did respond positively but didn't touch him back or anything, since he's married.

At some point he indirectly said he was about to leave his wife but nothing happened and I felt hurt. Since then he's always shown me signs of attraction but at some point he said again he couldn't leave her. He started to flaunt her around and constantly mentions her in from of me, when before he did the exact opposite and basically let me feel like his girlfriend. It really hurts me and I often question myself and whether I should have acted differently. He is often very cold and mean towards me now and mentions her especially in front of other people and I feel humiliated even though I swear nothing truly ever happened. I just truly loved him and it felt like we would soon be together.

Well and now I think I need psychological help because I definitely show signs of depression etc. But up until now it has not helped. I totally feel like a horrible person because "for some reason" he didn't understand that I loved him (I didn't hope in bed with him but I was nice enough and patient and everything) and it makes life very hard. I feel like I want to die very often. And he constantly reminds me of her now.
I'm not sure at this point if he did the same thing w