Why is my sister so weird?

[brunohusker]

Okay, my sister is so different. She wants to be a writer or journalist, and while she is talented at writing, isn't it a dying career since we are in the internet age? Also it's not just that,she doesn't take care of herself. She had bad teeth (part of it is she has bad enamel because of medication my mom took, but still she hated using toothpaste until she was 12 and drinks about 2-3 bottles of mtn dew a week during the school year since at home we don't buy pop), also she has no motivation to lose weight or look good. She has bad acne which she can't control, but she went on medication and it's better but she still has it. Also she has no motivation to lose weight and even though she's been a bit bigger (she's 6 ft1) she has now ballooned 220 lbs,and while she doesn't look terrible big, her gut is big, and whenever we in my family tell her she says "why are guys like you (me and my bro) allowed to have fat beer bellies hanging out while I have to be skinny"She also doesn't exercise and spends all day reading and watching TV and doesn't want to get active unless we fix her bike (which is weird since she hasn't ridden it since she was 12 at least), and the sad thing is she isn't happy about her weight, she just accepts it. Also she's so mean to us at home while at school she never says a word, leading to her not having many friends outside of speech time or journalism, and even there she doesn't have too many. She also doesn't drive and I don't know if she really wants to. To top it off is the meanness I mentioned. She always corrects my brother who is autistic about stuff he can't control, or corrects me, and it sucks. I honestly don't know why she's like this. She just seems to be a ticking time bomb. She's going to college this fall and I am worried she won't do well. She was smart but never got great grades and wasn't very socially adept, and also I'm worried her weight and quiet personality outside the home will make social life tough. What am I supposed to do? Is she a lost cause?

Updates

+1 y

Another question, is it okay that she thinks she isn't normal and is okay with it. She says that the reason her and my mom fight is because she wants my sister to be normal, and my sister says she isn't normal.

Updates

+1 y

Also, she once again said she isn't happy being fat, but accepts it, and always yells at mom for wanting her to be skinny and "normal". So she likes being wierd. Why?

[m3TALchick]

Weird doesn't have to be bad. To people that are into arts and writings, telling them that they need to be normal is probably the worst thing to do. There is a difference from being health and unhealthy of course. The first step in helping your sister to making better choice in what she puts in her body, never criticize her. You will just push her away. My boyfriend's sister is just like this. I know its cause of the way her mom raised her, she never wanted her to grow up or have responsibility. This girl sits on the computer 24/7 and she just turned 20. Doesn't have a job and no college. They are just now trying to get her be responsible, and to do stuff around the house. That is something that you have to be taught your whole life. You can't just except someone to learn in one day. You have to show patients, no anger, and lead from examples. You and your mom are just gonna have to sit her and talk. If you want her to eat to healthier then everyone in the house has to eat healthier. She is not a lost cause; she just needs love and motivation.

[Kattrain]

I have no advice for your sister other than that she would major in a area that is more substantial and minor in lit. or just write on the side. However, writing/journalism is note a dying career. I bet you heard that off or somewhere and just accepted the idea. Look at yahoo. One of it's most popular features is it's news columns, Written by journalists.

I'm not sure what to tell you on everything else. You could try to include in your plans that are more active. If you're going to shoot hoops at the park, bring her along.

goodluck

[justme91]

I think you're being very critical of your sister, as things like weight and personal hygiene are her own choice, and up to her to maintain. But in terms of what you say about her hostility to you and your family, in regards to weight and things, her correcting you all the time, and the fact that she isn't very socially adept - do you think it's possible she might too be autistic? I know it's not my place to diagnose, and I wouldn't mind you telling me to butt out!, but is this a possibility you would consider?

[brunohusker]

We had her tested and she isn't, but she often uses it as an excuse, saying that that's why she might not be normal.And it's not like she's socially retarded. People in her class have said that she's "everyone's friend", so she's not some wierdo in the corner (not that people w/autism are wierd.)Also she's very good making people laugh and the friends she has are close. Who knows though, its a valid point, but I don't think so because she can snap out of it. She just doesn't. Story of her life

[justme91]

In this case I can't really fault you!! I kind of understand what you're talking about as well. My sister is strange too, and even though I hate to say it, she does embarrass me at times. She speaks out when I just wish she would shut up, she says things she thinks are funny, when they're not, and her hygiene is bad too. All I can say is, that I've just learnt to accept this, and that people don't judge me on her, so it doesn't really affect me that much, there isn't much else you can do!

[CaptainFrost]

it seems like you care about your sister greatly, nice to see that.

With regards to journalism, while the newspaper medium is dying, journalists for tv and online video and web articles are always needed.

If you want her to lose weight, you have to admit that she does have a point in the fact that its 2 big fellas who are telling her to lose weight and may sound hypocritical. If you really want her to lose weight then perhaps if you guys suggested all doing some exercise and diet together. If she then refused, then you could say something to her.

Sit her down and tell her you care about her health and you love her and that you want the best for her. Its easier to listen to someone who epathises with you than someone just barking orders at you to fix yourself up.

It won't be an overnight fix but if you guys work together and try to motivate her and yourselves you can do it

[brunohusker]

But it's not so much that were big, it's that she doesn' even exercise. My brother is only 5 ft 11 180 and I am 5 ft 8 220 but we are both muscular, that's what's the problem, she sits on her butt and reads all day and eats some junk food.

[Dingismaximus]

Tell her to hush up, encourage her, make her feel good and then say I am your brother, I love you (as a brother would a sister) and then don't just tell her what she needs, help her do it too, exercise with her, let her hang out with you and your friends, take some charge man, I got 2 sisters youngest one is 8 years older than me, and I wouldn't let that sh*t slide. If you really are concerned you got to be willing to go through the fire with her and even endure any bad mood that may come with it while you help her to change not just watch. Just some advice and the best I can give you seeing the limited information I have seen but its good advice.

[Ikeepitreal1002]

Your sister is probably unhappy with her teeth, weight and acne and feeling like the hand life dealt her isn’t fair. She’s taking it out on you and your brother because it’s built up stress and it needs to be released, and because she knows there will be no consequences.
Sitting around watching tv and reading are outlets that help her take her mind off reality, she’s timid at school because her self worth is shot. Thinking she’s weird because of her passion doesn’t help at all, it probably shows and contributes to her feeling like an outcast. There are plenty of unattractive people in this world who are very confident, low self esteem comes from environmental factors and life experiences, like not having “safe” friends and family, and being judged. Also something could’ve happened to her you don’t know about, experiencing trauma and being looked at like your the problem because of what someone else did is damaging to the soul. There’s a possibility that your in a narcissistic family and she’s the scapegoat, you probably don’t see it because you were brainwashed to see her as a problem, like my family did me, and you might never know it until she has enough self worth to leave and the main abuser has nowhere else to vent their misery. The best thing you can do is try to be there for her, continued kindness makes anyone who’s mean start to feel stupid and see the bully in themselves. I have a family member who is stuck in her ways because she was conditioned to think lowly of herself. I also have a sister who stood at a distance when she saw me having a hard time in life, we came from a narcissistic family and she “was” the golden child. After I left my mom turned on her and she took my place. We used to be so close but after i realized she tried to do me like your doing your sister I’m done with her. She copied everything I did and failed miserably. I always loved her and stood up for her but not anymore. Unlike you and your sister I’m the more attractive one. My sister fell apart and I refuse to be their for her I want her to know exactly how it feels. I’m on my way to owning homes and businesses, she’s still living with my mom with two kids and didn’t even get her section 8 apt, so be careful how you treat your sister while she’s going through something. The tables could turn any day. She’s probably not weird at all. Just unattractive with a poor support system that refuse to see the good in her because it’s not what the want it to be.

[behemoth_the_cat]

Your sister is an adult, so there isn't much you can do to try to change her. She needs to want to change herself. But it would be easier for her to know that she has a loving and caring brother whom she can always rely on for help and support. So make sure that she knows you love her and care for her, and that if she ever needs help with anything, she can come to you. But don't criticize her looks or career choice, this will only push her away. What you need to do to help her is be a good listener, not a good adviser.

Good luck!

[sweet18]

Well you can make suggestions to her and encourage her to improve her appearance and the way she comes off to other people, but in the end, she has to be willing to help herself. Otherwise, there's not much you can do for her.

Being a journalist is fine. We still need people to write for us...doesn't matter on what -paper or on the computer.

I don't think she's a lost cause. It's a possibility that she will blossom once she gets to college. She will want a boyfriend and perhaps that will give her motivation to improve her appearance.

As she gets into the work world. She will come out of her shell more and more. Trust me, I went through this as well.

[brunohusker]

I don't know though, the only guys that talk to her or hit on her are guys she doesn't find attractive who she says are usually either really tall and skinny, or really really fat. I also don't think she cares about guys that much. I mean there are guys she really liked,but didn't even try to pursue.

[musicsweetyy]

She's probably scared of rejection like the rest of the world...

[musicsweetyy]

it seems like you're being kind of a jerk in regards to her weight and personal hygiene... it's her choice if she's going to smell rotten and be an asshole to everyone in the family. I sense where you're coming from though. You are worried that she won't motivate herself. Maybe trying to find her a fun exercise class or something at a local gym to do together, just mention it though... don't force her or something... And writing is not a dying career...I mean people still write novels, essays, books,etc. It just happens to be electronically available instead of more tangible ways like paper. Good luck..

[Anonymous]

Look...your pushing her away. And she needs you. She's being mean because she has no friends anymore (like you said) and because she's not happy with her weight. But she has no motivation to loose weight because nobody is there for her to talk to and have to support her. And she prob. writes because she can vent and express herself through there and be anybody she wants to be through writing. My advice...encourage her and put yourself in her shoes (not having anybody, going away to college where she knows NOBODY, isn't socially adept. She's not a lost cause. Encourage her and support her! She NEEDS you ! Trust me...Been there done that.

[tex151]

Anyone can be a writer, to be a successful writer is a whole different story. You also said she wants to be a journalist, yes some are dying out, newspapers but there is still radio and television, now if she's is overweight and not attractive she won't be a reporter or a news anchor, just because people want to see attractive people on tv, here's an example Erin Andrews, if your a sports fan you know who she is. If she has a good speaking voice she might be able to do radio.

[brunohusker]

Thats what worries me. But I think she's more into writing and print/ alternative media since she's kind of into alternative interests. But I want her to be successful. I mean she did well in business type classes, and loved business law, and even thought of being a paralegal for a while.

[rando-shi]

you are her brother and it your rensponsabillity to look after you sister

take her running or jogging with you

enroll in a diet together

go to gym often

and never back down

as the german would say "nie unter lassen"