Is ambition a turn on or turn off for you?

[dee_bee]

I'm 21 but I had my Bachelors degree in Interior Design at age 20. I want to go back to school and pursue a Masters degree in Environmental Psychology. I have such high goals and ambitions but I feel that some guys are slightly intimidated perhaps by the fact that I want to accomplish so much.

I know I have my life ahead of me and I can definitely accomplish it whenever, but would that turn you off guys or girls if someone had that much ambition? Or doe it make you wanna pursue that person...im just really curious :)

[Levin]

Yes and no. I'm an advocate of balance. It's important to work hard and challenge yourself, but there comes a point where such behavior becomes destructive. Where it adversely affects your health and longevity, and it is to the detriment of relationships with friends and family. Also, what is driving that ambition? And what ultimately is the point? Is it to accumulate status, recognition, and wealth? Because all that is transient.

What I am getting at, is that I really don't want a partner who is so focused on their career that they don't appreciate those simple things which are truly important. Also, one can have ambitions in other spheres outside of their career, which many probably place little value on because they're less tangible. Ultimately, I think you should choose a partner with similar values, because each person has a different idea about what is important.

One thing I wanted to add, is there might be a danger that because of how advanced people are in their particular field, they may elevate themselves above others, which obviously is a hindrance to personal development.

[dee_bee]

Yes. I can relate to people who are so caught up they forget what truly matters. Then its probably not because they truly love it, maybe they feel this is the only thing that makes them who they are and so they completely forgo anything remotely related to normal human behavior and relationships

[adamcdavis]

whatever what she is doing is much better than most girls who just sit on guys money and are lazy and don't do sh*t.

[kmidden]

Huge turn on.

I think its important to keep improving yourself in life in which ambition is very important, and I find that attractive in a girl too. If it includes her doing a master it would be even better because that would mean we would be able to have conversation on a higher level then usual. And with ambition usually come changes and that keeps things interesting. So yeah a turn on.

[dee_bee]

Love that answer! Seriously, you are right on.

I feel the exact same way. Why waste an educational career to just stay home and clean? Nothing wrong with it, but I love pursuing higher education (except math lol )

[kmidden]

Thank you. The downside is that the home has to become clean some day too but I don't think it should get in the way of improving yourself, and if you are in a relationship both can help out doing that. Pursuing higher education is really a great quality you have.

[dee_bee]

Exactly! I would love that even whenever I do have my family, I also have something that I love doing that I can turn to one day! Thanks for your input!

[toulouse]

masters isn't such a big deal. a lot of people are getting Phd. just date someone and grad school. where its normal to be persuing higher & higher, education.

& I know you are only curious, but I'm still going to add, your goals are your goals& if someone has a problem with it, they can go f*** themselves.. people-Women- actually do limit themselves because they don't want to come across as too strong, or too smart, or too together, or too w/e. its insanity.

understand asking the question, I just think its sick, that a person actually has to concern themselves with whether their having a goal is a turn off. that that's its even made to be an issue, in society-& I know, it s-.. is pathetic imo.

[dee_bee]

I know. regardless of what others think, I still want to be highly educated.

I don't think we as women limit ourselves. I think many don't think the goals are reachable because of society.

We are in the 21st century. If I want to work that's what I'm gunna do! lol

my question was to see general opinions...do men in general think its not the norm or whatnot...you see what I'm getting at?

[caligirl3]

it should be a turn on, but I think most people get really jealous and feel they are not number one in an ambitious persons life. I'm really ambitions and have all this things I wanna do and different goal I want to reach. I think an ambitious person can only be with another ambitious person. I used to have a friend she had no ambitions no special desires, she was happy being unemployed and recieving money from the government, I finally had it and cut her loose.

[dee_bee]

Agree. I can't be around people who don't want to accomplish anything in life. It's such a turn off. Lol

[caligirl3]

yes, and to me its unbelieveable. I could never go through a day in life with no ambitions no dreams and no plans for the future

[dee_bee]

You are so true!

[kdizzleforizzle91]

I think most guys and girls find ambition to be a turn-on. You want to do something worthwhile, not be completely dependent on someone else to take care of you, although that's nice in some ways. When I meet a guy who has such ambition, I assume he's that ambitious and hard-working with other things, such as relationships.

[dee_bee]

Very true! Good point. Someone who works hard in life will make it a point to let their significant other hold a special place in life like relationships. Ambitious guys I feel and this goes for girls as well, want to do everything to make sure those around them are taken care of I feel

[adamcdavis]

any guy saying its a turn off is just someone who's lazy and not very career orientated and fears your intelligence and success. Nobody should ever have to question or doubt the thought of wanting to pursue more education and trying to become more knowledgeable and intelligent. My only concern would be I don't really know much about environmental psychology and if the job market for it is that good with a masters but I wouldn't care either way because at least you're pursuing more and getting smarter.

[dee_bee]

I agree with you. I don't know why so many people think its negative. I don't see why if the opportunity presents itself, you wouldn't take it! Yeah, Enviro Psych is something that is needed in a lot of different fields, however I think there are a lot of different "titles" to this job. But you are right. Getting smarter and inhaling more education is an awesome quality to possess :)

[adamcdavis]

its kind of like you have physical working out to get in better shape and be more sexy and you have mental working out to be smarter and more intelligent. idk.

[dee_bee]

Lol...kinda sorta ish!

[animalwithin]

As someone who is insanely goal driven, I find an ambitious girl very sexy. There aren't many of you around, I've dated a few girls that gave up on their goals because they were too hard and I find that to be a turn off. Go after what you want in life with a passion, those who don't understand or find it unattractive aren't good enough for you and are just jealous. The right person who appreciates your dedication will come along, don't worry.

[dee_bee]

Soo true! I think that when you want something so badly you will pursue it wholeheartedly. That doesn't mean that I don't have other things I am not passionate about. I do want a family someday and I want to have all those things, but I think having a strong educational background is something to be proud of. Plus, you are 100% right, the person that finds that attractive with pursue me :)

[AllDay]

I think it would be most welcomed!

It would not be a turn off

It would be a turn on

I would probably compare her to me and think wow she's done a lot more than I have and depending on me confidence level or insecurities I would either be intimidated or intrigued

[toulouse]

Well said;-)

(quite opposite to the above answers, which imo, are cowardly & pathetic.)

[dee_bee]

Agreed!

I don't have a problem with wanting a career. I welcome it. But I have a problem with people who think women's role is in the kitchen, having children, and staying at home only. I am sure every stay at home mother at one time had a goal they wanted to reach and either did it or still believe they can accomplish it :)

[AllDay]

I never minded being a stay at home dad. If she wants to go and work I have no problem with that.

The only possibility I could think of is if me working would bring more bread home compared to her working. Then I would objectify. But by all means I would want her to have her own life and her own career.

There's a whole world out there. Go and explore!

There's so much more than the kitchen lol

[dee_bee]

Great answer! I really believe that women can do both; having a career and being a mother doesn't mean that you can't focus. It just means that you have the ability to balance both.

If my future husband wanted to stay home and let me work or vice versa I would be okay with it. Heck I could work from home lol!

[heavensgift2girls]

Personally I would rather have a family oriented woman over a career oriented woman. It only makes sense, do to the fact that I am also a family oriented man. We just wouldn't be a good fit.

[dee_bee]

What about if the woman is both? She really wanted to pursue her education and after she got where she wanted to be, she settled down and had a family, raised them up and once she was an empty nester she went back to work.

What happens if God forbid, you got laid off from work and there was no income coming in but your wife had a means of education and could go back to work and make up for a loss. That would not be okay to you?

[heavensgift2girls]

You can't be both family oriented, and career oriented. If you were a perfect mix of the two then you wouldn't be either. It sounds like you think you have to believe in gender roles to be family oriented, and that just isn't the case. Someone whose ambition geared toward their career wants different things in life than I do, and has different priorities. I have no problem with a woman working, or a guy being a stay at home dad. Both people just need to have the same priorities.

[dee_bee]

Right. I feel that there is a balance though. Working from home is one way to accomplish that. With my potential career I can work from home and if need be work in the office as well. I never said that have to believe in "gender roles" to have a family oriented mind. Of course I want to be nurturing and caring and be there for all my kids accomplishments. I think, like you said, both parents/people have to have the same priorities or compromise in some areas. But it can be done :)

[handsomejackk]

I would not be intimidated by your particular credentials. More concerned that I would have to support you while you try and pay off all that student debt with very limited job prospects.

[dee_bee]

That's the only real downfall. Do what you love and potentially go into some type of debt trying to pursue your dream or do what's safe, pays bills but you aren't truly happy in. I think that when the guy is supportive of his woman, and vice versa that is a little thing. Of course when money is an issue, its not lol but I understand your point :)

[Anonymous]

Definitely not, but sometimes, ambitious girls can be really stuck up, entitled people who look down on others and act like they have some place to set a high bar that everyone needs to reach. Now THAT is a turn off.

[dee_bee]

It depends on what they define as ambitious I think as well.

Because I hate people who think they are better at something when everyone is sill in the footrace together...lol no one is better until they prove that for sure.

[adamcdavis]

I'm gonna be honest and say most women don't get stuck up thinking they are better as much as men do with this. Unless you are talking some sort of job where women are successful for being social like there are many bartenders, dancers, etc who tend to get a bit stuck up sometimes.

[Aydii]

It is a definite plus to me, I'd much rather a guy with ambition than a guy who is willing to settle for just any job.

[dee_bee]

True. And provide for his family, which means he has to possess some form of ambition!

[calialltheway1993]

Ambition is always a turn on.

[dee_bee]

Agreed!

[drummerdude25]

Why would it be a turn-off? It's a huge plus!

[dee_bee]

agree!

[Anonymous]

Ehh not really a turn on but a low life is a turn off for sure

[Anonymous]

Turnoff. It means less time for dates. And women who are career-driven are more likely to be bossy and bitchy.

[dee_bee]

What?! So just because a woman has goals and wants to pursue education or a career, she will be too busy to have dinner with you or something? I find that to be the complete opposite! sure I have been busy, but I can make time for a date! Sheesh!

[Opinion Owner]

Not just about dates, it's also on a larger scale. I like family-oriented women, who are loving and nurturing and will take care of the kids instead of her bank account.

[dee_bee]

So a career oriented woman can't be caring and nurturing?

I want to be a mother too! I don't just care about what my bank account looks like but I think in order to be prepared for that I have to start somewhere. Children aren't free. lol there are a lot of things that go into raising children and sometimes its good to have a fall back...

[Olivia9]

Well I suppose when men are that way they are ambitious, aggressive and confident but when a woman displays even one of those characteristics she is a bitch. Typical

[Opinion Owner]

No, you can't.

You can have only one main priority, and if you choose to have a career then it' your job not your kids, then kids are second or even lower priority.

Children aren't free but they don't require a fortune, and they benefit much greater from a quality time with the mother compared to more money.

But do what I want, I don't care, I'm not dating you.

[adamcdavis]

get up to date with society man. Women don't sit their asses at home all day their whole lives anymore they are part of the working force as well. Anyone that still has the mindset that a womens job should be to stay home while the man works is crazy in this day.

[Opinion Owner]

Well let me tell you - it does not matter to me... what the society does, what is today. I know what is right, I know what I want and I stick to it.

[dee_bee]

I think someone, especially a mother, even if she is working in her career field, if something happens to her family, she would drop it all and take care of her kids. I know I would.

If my future husband can support the kids on his salary alone, I would probably work less, but I would still want to use my degree. Of course they benefit more with a nurturing,caring mother, never denied that. However, sometimes a little extra income can benefit for the future...

[dee_bee]

I also know I would never neglect my family. Sure I may have to work extra here and there, but honestly, why is it okay for the father and not the mother?

[Opinion Owner]

Because kids need their mother more than the father. It's how the nature is set.

[dee_bee]

They may "need" their mother more than their father, but in reality they need both parents. Yes, traditionally the fathers work and the mothers stay home and raise the children, but what happens after you are an empty nester? What if you have kids early and then they are out the house> What is the mother to do? Clean an empty home? I think its about what priorities are prevalent in that families life. Family comes first, work second even if you are career oriented, in my case.

[Opinion Owner]

There are too much "what ifs", first have kids and raise them to reach that empty nest stage, then talk.

[dee_bee]

Clearly this is a pointless argument. You believe in traditional gender roles, I feel that they can be reversed or life can be balanced. There is no "right" way to raise a family. Each person picks the most beneficial way to raise their own family. apparently you feel women aren't nuturing enough if they work and that's cool. I feel there are options. It's your opinion, so you are entitled to it. Never said its wrong, its just how I believe. If you disagree, fine. I am not hurt lol.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

Ambition is definitely better than a lack of it.

[dee_bee]

Of course. If there was no ambition I would find people didn't want to better themselves...