If she has a cold sore on her upper lip on the second date, what do you do?

[Anonymous]

I went out with this very nice girl and hooked up (kissed, massaged one another, and spooned) all night. I asked her out on a second date and she had an open cold sore on her upper lip.

Now, she is really cool, but I have only dated her once prior to the cold sore. Should I stay, or should I go?

I really don't want to hurt her, she's really nice, but I don't want a cold sore (I hope I didn't catch it; I didn't kiss her when she had it). So I figure that if I drop her now with a white lie, she'll be better off.

Please help!

Updates

+1 y

I'm really sorry for sounding like a jerk. I'm just very ignorant about this whole thing and am, thus, seeking help on the matter..the truth is that I am very scared, confused, and don't know what to do (all my guy friends tell me to drop her..)

[Apothecia]

I have HSV-2, a. k. a. >>>HERPES<<< oh no! BUT, I don't have HSV-1. I would be very upset if some dude made out with me and didn't tell me he has facial herpes (more softly put, gets cold sores). FACT: I will never spread my herpes to a child, but facial herpes is readily spread to children just by sharing a soda. FACT: facial herpes can more easily be spread to your eyes as well as cause encephalitis of the brain, whic can cause cerebral dysfunction, the kind of herpes I have doesn't do that either. FACT: facial herpes can spread via viral shedding, even if someone doesn't have any visible cold sores. FACT: COLD SORES CAN CAUSE GENITAL HERPES. Yet, if someone with a history of cold sores kisses me (I have been tested, and I don't have HSV-1) without telling me they are exposing me, it is socially okay. BUT, if I have sex with someone and don't tell them about my herpes then I am an awful person. It is perfectly okay for someone not to date me because they don't want to catch my herpes, and it is perfectly okay for you to not date this person because you don't want to be exposed to her herpes. It would also be a very good idea for you, and anyone and everyone who reads this, to get tested, though. Make sure you specifically say you want HSV-1 and HSV-2 testing - both kinds. Over 90% of the people who have it don't even know it because they don't get breakouts. It's like chicken pox (which, by the way, is also in the herpes family). I was with a guy a while ago and told him after the fact (which, by the way, is no different than the girl making out with you and not telling you before hand). We both got tested, and he was surprised to find that he tested positive for HSV-1. Therefore, he was just as guilty for putting me at risk as I was for putting him at risk. We broke up, but I know he still doesn't tell anyone that he dates about his positive status. I, however, have told every single potential partner ever since then, because it is morally wrong to secretly put people at risk for catching a lifelong disease. That being said, the physical symptoms aren't even really that bad. I would much rather have it where I have it than get that crap on my face.

[ivarei]

you need to look up herpes. nearly EVERY human being on the planet has the herpes virus in their body. just because she gets the occasional cold sore, doesn't mean she has raging oral or genital herpes. those sorts of herpes are completely different from the sort that give you common warts on your fingers or cold sores. yes, it's contagious, and no it's not a good idea to snog someone with a cold sore. but in all likely hood, you've got herpes as well, but your body doesn't show signs of it. it's not something you break up with someone over because a significant percentage of people get cold sores at some point in their life.

however, don't let her give you a blowjob while she has a cold sore, because then you can get genital warts. in a few days, that cold sore will be gone and you'll have nothing to worry about, just be smart about it. but it doesn't mean she's promiscuous or has warts elsewhere on her body, it probably just means that her mother has that strand of herpes and she inherited it in the womb, just like her mother probably did her mother.

[Asker]

I don't know the name of the med, it was some sort of chap-stick and she told me it was for the breakout (she was very bothered by the fact that I saw it when we were in there)..I know she is not promiscuous, I just assumed she got unlucky. I am just paranoid, the internet searches I did were not helpful, and my friends are just as ignorant as me on the matter)...

[ivarei]

The medicine is meant to heal the sore. once the sore is gone, it's not contagious. but even you are saying to you occasionally get cold sores. NEWS FLASH, that means you have herpes as well! when she has cold sore, don't let her go down on you; likewise, when you have a cold sore, don't go down on her. because then you have genital herpes which IS indeed a problem because it can cause cervical and penal cancer. but as long as you two are smart, it won't be a problem.

[ivarei]

But remember, almost everyone on the planet is born with herpes, tell your friends that.

[Combat-Crash]

I loved this answer.

I actually inherited it from my mom.

I was ashamed for so long and told this guy I started seeing (first boyfriend ever really) and he's like, "okay.. I carry the same thing I just don't get them, it's not a big deal."

[Apothecia]

I have HSV-2, a. k. a. >>>HERPES<<< oh no! BUT, I don't have HSV-1. I would be very upset if some dude made out with me and didn't tell me he has facial herpes (more softly put, gets cold sores). FACT: I will never spread my herpes to a child, but facial herpes is readily spread to children just by sharing a soda. FACT: facial herpes can more easily be spread to your eyes as well as cause encephalitis of the brain, whic can cause cerebral dysfunction, the kind of herpes I have doesn't do that either. FACT: facial herpes can spread via viral shedding, even if someone doesn't have any visible cold sores. FACT: COLD SORES CAN CAUSE GENITAL HERPES. Yet, if someone with a history of cold sores kisses me (I have been tested, and I don't have HSV-1) without telling me they are exposing me, it is socially okay. BUT, if I have sex with someone and don't tell them about my herpes then I am an awful person. Medically, what I have isn't even as bad. Why is that so?

[Apothecia]

People get it from their parents. The fact remains that cold sores are an STD just like genital herpes. They are no different. Just because cold sores can be transmitted other ways besides having sex does not mean that they can't be transmitted through sexual acts too. In fact, they are highly contagious that way. IMHO, people just downplay cold sores and ostracize genital herpes because they don't want to admit that the majority of the population is walking around with an STD on their face, and giving it to their kids too (by sharing sodas, of course - that's how my sister caught it from my mom).

[Apothecia]

Also, you don't "inherit it from the womb." >rolleyes<

[Apothecia]

And I'm being kind of harsh only because that is people treat me and everyone else who gets coldsores downstairs instead of on their mouth. I sincerely sympathize with anyone who has to deal with it because the social stigmas are a real PITA.

[dncrlisa]

thats really funny I must say but you probly don't know much about cold sores do you?

ok I get cold sores from time to time, I get them usually when I'm sick. I've probly had one once this year.

I think this is stupid of you to do, she's a good chick so you say you like her an there's nothing wrong with cold sores its not like she's gona have a cold sore on her face forever it goes awa.

its herpes and its in your genetics if you have the virus or not.

you probly don't have it an you could kiss her an not even get one.

its not good for her to kiss guys cus it might spreed on her face.

, just say babe I want you but go buy some coldsore cream. problem solved.

[ustupidbitch]

Just because it is called a "cold" sore doesn't mean it is caused by a cold. Please wake up. You have HERPES. The reason it shows up when you have a cold is because your immune system is weakened during that time and stressed thus the virus is more prominent and a outbreak occurs. You're diseased, deal with it.

[Apothecia]

Do you feel the same way about genital herpes? I get a sore on my vag once in a while, but don't worry, it goes away. Somehow, I just can't seem to get dudes to see it that way in my case. I wonder why? I would rather get it there then on my face.

[Anonymous]

wow a lot of people on here don't know much about herpes and that's scary. Look dude HSV1 is Cold sores And HSV2 is genital herpes thay are different strains but are 99 % the same virus. It sucks when you have a good girl who has cold sore and you dontwant to catch it, I'm going through the same thing with my girl. Cold sores are contagious when present, but also contagious around 10% of the time when the sore is not present this is called asymptomatic shedding so around 36 days a year the virus is present on the skin when no sore is there. Scary,. I know. also HSV1 cannot turn into HSV2 no matter what, But HSV1 (coldsore) can be transfered to the genital this is called Genital HSV1 it accounts for what is now to be believed to be 50 % of new Genital herpes. It can be also transfered to the genitals during the Asymptomatic shedding that I spoke of earlier. And for the record you are not born with the herpes virus a virus is contracted. People like to kiss babies all the time that's why people think you can be born with it cus they have had it since such a young age.. Don't let false info out there fool you man.. But for your comfort its said to be 70 to 90 % of americans have HSV1 so chances are you have been exposed to it before some people will never get an outbreak and some will have many. Another key fact is that if you do have HSV1 the antibodies that your body produces to fight the virus will help protect you from getting HSV2 (Genital Herpes ) Not 100 % but some. I like my girlfriend very much but I don't want to catch anything this sounds sh*tty but your health is nothing to play around with I have been tested and I don't have HSV1 you should get checked out to make sure you don't already have it and if you do keep the chick. Tough decision I know but whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you

[Mamyti]

This the most accurate posting here. It is extremely scary how people do not know that they will be trying to ditch a chronic viral infection. The "maybe you have it so don't worry go ahead and get exposed And bravely.. walk to it and be worry free" argument is.. ignorant.. and you all can get mad at me.. go look it up.. NOW.. but let's face it :you are rationalizing the fact that you fell so hard for this person that the virus ain't going to ruin it for you.. we are emotional beings and when it comes to love reason takes many times the back seat. Sad truth.. there are great, amazing hot people out there who has the cold sores ( herpes people, herpes labialis.. the one that can potentially infect your genitals if you don't act paranoid, and that's messed up. how do I know? Because I Am head over heels after two dates with this guy with a cold sore.. damn it! I told him what he had and that I was ok with it but precautions were necessary. He acted offended and hurt and I think he dropped me..:(

[Orygun]

Here is what I asked her. One week into this dealio we began. I'm dating a sweet girl and asked her this today; after kissing her last night and noticed a tiny red dot a week after she didn't have one. She didn't try to cover it or hide it ever. We were face to face, kissing dancing havin a couple beers...

I have a question some people are offensive to answer. But I care more to ask than to have later not... Since we been kissing; and in such a hurry.. I would like to know if you've obtained or been exposed to any form of viral or genital cooties? It's 2009 and unfortunatly there isn't much morality left in everyones soul.

[Saintremy]

my concern is that 80% of people get cold sores, but everyone is afraid of someone giving them oral with a cold sore? that makes no sense, just wait til you get a cold sore, and how you will feel. How dull minded can everyone be?

[Apothecia]

@Saintremy would you feel the same way if she had HSV-2 instead?

[Anonymous]

Okay first of all, it's just a cold sore for gods sake. Lots of people get them, it is what it is. If she didn't have it when you kissed her then you are not going to catch it. But If some guy stopped seeing me because I just happened to get a cold sore, then he wouldn't be worth my time anyways. My ex boyfriend got cold sores every now and then and I just wouldn't kiss him while he had it. I still to this day have never had a cold sore, but they are not that big of a deal. I'm sure that the next time you see this girl that cold sore will be gone, if not just barely there.

[Apothecia]

Anon, would you have unprotected sex with someone with genital herpes? Same thing, different spot.

[paigems]

Don't leave her because of a cold sore! I have a cold sore right now, and it's not from any kind of std or sti. One of my friends has cold sore looking things all the time because he's on accutane, and another of my friends gets frequent cold sores because she has a vitamin B deficiency, and almost everyone gets the occasional cold sore. Why don't you just ask her about it before assuming stuff?

[Asker]

She has herpes meds, in her bathroom..

I'm really sorry for sounding like a jerk. I'm just very ignorant about this whole thing and am, thus, seeking help on the matter..the truth is that I am very scared, confused, and don't know what to do (hers looked really bad and all my guy friends have told me to drop her..)

I don't want to go further if the cold-sore thing is serious, because I could hurt her more..

[ivarei]

Is the medicine you saw "Herpecin H?" it's common cold sore treatment with a bad name. she's probably conscious of it and doesn't it being there. I get a cold sore maybe once every year or so. it has nothing to do with STDs.

[paigems]

Ha, what a dumb name for cold sore medicine. I would really just ask her about it, and see what she says. I've gotten really bad cold sores, and have had to put medicine on them too.

[ivarei]

Well, would a girl be justified in dumping you as soon as she saw you with a cold sore? I think your guy friends are jackasses if they think that her cold sore means anything different that yours or their cold sores. it's just something that people have sometimes. you can't pass judgements because of them.

[paigems]

I completely agree.

[Asker]

I really don't want to drop her because of something that's outside of her control. But I have had nothing but negative feedback from the people around me (they don't know much about it I guess). And that is exactly my fear, I would really not care; but I have a feeling that girls (my age, 18) care more about something that superficial (most of the negative feedback came from my girl friends, telling me that if a guy had that and they where not attached yet, they would drop him)...

[paigems]

Well, your friends have no idea what they're talking about, so don't listen to them.

[Apothecia]

Leaving someone because of a cold sore isn't any different than leaving someone because they have genital herpes. People don't want to be exposed, it's their perogative. If it is okay for someone to break up with me because they don't want to catch herpes from me (I have genital herpes) then it is okay for someone not to want to catch herpes on their face either. Also, facial herpes can spread to your genitals, so it's really no different.

[Bubbles]

Lol. were do you think she got it from blowing anougher guy, and she caught something. cold sore I get them now and then usally cause of a cold, so I would relax. Maybe she had a little cold over the week so she could have been comeing down with out. But I wouldn't drop her cause of a stupid cold sore, and of coruse your guy friends are going to tell you to drop her. You got a mind of your own use it.

[ustupidbitch]

Just because it is called a "cold" sore doesn't mean it is caused by a cold. Please wake up. You have HERPES. The reason it shows up when you have a cold is because your immune system is weakened during that time and stressed thus the virus is more prominent and a outbreak occurs. You're diseased, deal with it.

[Combat-Crash]

This isn't to you Bubbles...

Um, almost EVERYONE gets them. If they don't nearly everyone carries the HPV1 or whatever but never show signs. It's nothing to be ashamed of the sh*t just happens.

Also, different things can cause them with different people yes it's still herpes, but with me salt and citrus fruits are usually the cause. Don't be ignorant. You can get it from sharing a drink with someone, so someone should not feel ashamed or feel 'diseased'. Stop adding to the stupid stigma.

[Combat-Crash]

That comment wasn't for the 'asker' either.

[MrNameless]

Having a cold sore is nothing to be afraid of, since many sexually active people have it..

But if the Question Asker doesn't want to get it, that's his personal morals.. And he has every right to turn down a girl for that.

[Apothecia]

Sweetie, if you get cold sores, then you have herpes, only you have it on your face (don't worry, so does a vast percentage of the population). You can also be contageous when you aren't having a breakout. Just know that anytime you kiss someone, their kids, share a soda, without telling them about your positive status, you are exposing people to your virus and putting them unknowingly at risk.

[TheAnswerer]

Dont kiss her, but don't leave her. She is not a tissue that you use and throw into the trash a little later. Also, are you going to leave her just because of one sore upper-lip? What about her overall beauty? What about her personality? What about whether if you feel nice just because you are with her? I think you should consider these before dumping her like you dump a smelly rotten apple.

[drumchick_10]

The important thing to know is that a cold sore is a form of herpes and that it can be passed by kissing. If she gives you oral, you can get herpes. Or if you gave a girl oral who had herpes you could get a cold sore. BUT that's only if it's an active outbreak. Cold sores are contagious if they are weeping and open. My husband gave me my very first cold sore before we were married and neither of us have herpes or anything down there so it's not like it's the plague. You just have to use your head and educate yourself instead of listening to your friends.

[Apothecia]

WRONG, look up viral shedding. It can happen at any time, but it's usually more active during stressful times.

[jacquesvol]

About everyone gets cold sores: link

if you drop a girl because of that you'll end up in celibacy.

Acyclovir works. link

[loverorbestfriend]

Look, this is not about hurting her or whatever...this is about you. Don't be Mr. Nice Guy, be realistic...as momma says, common sense can guide you through life.

DUMP HER and never look back. If you must, make up a white lie but dump her.

[Apothecia]

You don't have to be cruel about it. The other reality is that well over 60% of the population has it. How many girls do you think you have made out with or will make out with who have it and won't tell you? The problem is that society promotes the idea is that it isn't that big of a deal because "everyone has them" but, this is not true. I don't have them. I tested negative for cold sores. I just have HSV-2 on my genitals.

[Apothecia]

But I certainly don't want that stuff on my face.

[shawna]

are you serious a cold sore ... that's not a very big deal they go away ... as long as she didn't suck your d*** your fine to date her ... just don't let her go down there when she does have a cold sore because you could get herpes!

[jacquesvol]

very true

[Apothecia]

News flash: People with cold sores experience periods of viral shedding, even when they aren't having a break out. Plus, who wants to date someone they don't want to get freaky with? Here's an article explaining how that works:
www.
verywell
. com/my-partners-cold-sores-gave-me-genital-herpes-3132954

[girlsguys88]

dont kiss her for a while you're ripe for catching it. you're not a jerk at all, you don't want it!

[Anonymous]

It has a name, herpes. Yeah the rash reappear when your immune system is weak aka sick..

It's all up to you to stay or leave.

[Opinion Owner]

I see some comments stating that we all have hepres. Ummm nooo. I don't, and I think most people don't, but yeah with all of that unprotected contact it isn't rare also.

But it's far from that "we all have it"

[Opinion Owner]

But if you stick with her you will eventually get it

[Orygun]

And she replied that with papers actually so, if your unsure just use my question above. I'm 4 years younger @ 22 and she was glad I asked... Just be yourself and pray if uncertain !

[Saintremy]

and by the way you can get herpes sores inside your mouth too, so just because u can see a cold sore on her lip, doesn't mean anything, the next girl could have sores inside her mouth... and you wouldn't even know.

[Marrryyyyy]

chill with her but don't kiss

[jacquesvol]

" you forgot a 't': "chill with her butt, don't kiss" ;-)

[Anonymous]

pure ignorance, right here.

[paigems]

Why wouldn't you at least try to help him understand? Just saying that is not helpful at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. well cold sores are caused by the herpes virus. but they aren't caused my STDs. and if people are smart, they won't cause any STDs. people naturally have herpes and it's not something to judge people on...unless you find warts in their pants, then you can respectfully decline.