When does the healing begin?

[Anonymous]

I went through betrayal and abuse for a decade with my child’s father. It’s been a year since we separated. When does the healing begin? I am filled with pain and I want healing. Will I hurt forever? How do I forgive? How long until I feel joy and love life again?

[QuadDamage]

I'm very sorry to hear, the human you were with was not a good one. But there are many out there, who are.

Some lessons should never have been learnt, twisted minds do horrible things to others who cross their path. There's nothing to learn from it, because the pain was not self inflicted. It was forced upon, unforseen, unimaginable and just became life. Sadly, many lives in terror and fear all over this planet 😑

You need more time, the longer the pain and mental suffering. The more consumption of fear and self neglectance, breaking free from mental barriers takes time. The day will come, you won't see it coming.
One never do, time passes. Then some more and without realising it we are different.

Get rid of old habits that still defines who you were, change things up. Try to establish new patterns to make a bold statement inside yourself. When you're ready, you will take charge of the life that was taken from you.

I wish there was a way to flip a switch personally and forget horrors from the past. Time and doing are the only tricks I've learnt so far. At least they've helped me 😁

This new chapter of life, is for you and your son 🌹
Best of luck to you, brave human!

[SnowedIn]

I am so sorry to hear that you went through betrayal and abuse. That's terrible. The healing will begin. I don't know when, but it will start. A year really isn't that long of time, particularly if it was a decade. No, the hurt won't be there forever, or at least not in the intensity that it's at now. There may always be some, and rightly so: you were hurt. Forgiveness can either be your first step or your last. It's as simple as "I forgive you". It doesn't mean you think they're right or that you're excusing their conduct but it's a step towards your emotional freedom. As for joy and life... you own much of that timeline. You were hurt, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy things. Fill your life with what you do enjoy. A fresh cup of coffee. New colored pencils. Your child. A silk blouse. Walking in the park. Whatever. Focus on the things you like and the things that bring you joy. Don't let him steal those from you too. But, back your original question: it begins when you start to do things and begin to move forward, however microscopically it may feel. And that doesn't have to be (and may not be) fast.

[lightbulb27]

You can read a book on forgiveness to start.

Learn about trauma therapy, possibly attend group therapy if you are able.

In general, healing begins when you accept, forgive (yourself and others), learn a greater value to what happened. Most of the problems we face can be rooted to issues in our childhood that are buried and need to be addressed. That is... if you reach greater understanding of yourself or others and turn that to compassion and wisdom, then "it was worth the suffering"... for without that suffering, you'd have never have gained the wisdom. No school can teach such things, you have to learn the hard way. That turns into other things of value you for you then have wisdom to share, value to offer others... see all the people making videos on what they learned and how to deal with stuff. When you help others from your wisdom and healing, it feels good.

Anything else, is just wallowing in suffering... of fear, shame, whatever... and a person can stay there for long time if they don't rise above the stressor.

It begins when you change your mind and let go the past and embrace the future...

[Danny_dan92]

Depends on the individual