After a breakup is it worth it to take time to think about it and process it? And how long should I take?

[hardboiledink]

I was in an intense 1 year relationship where she said she loves me and I also loved her, but she broke it up.

Now, I'm studying attachment styles, really thinking about why the breakup happened mostly due to her not wanting something serious, and just really analyzing things and I do feel I'm learning things but it seems to crush my soul thinking about her. At what point of things known should I just not even bother analyzing the ex relationship anymore?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, breakups suck dude. I feel you, it's always rough when someone you loved bolts. But yeah, taking time to process is definitely worth it bro. That was a whole year of your life, you gotta unpack all that somehow.

Studying up on attachment styles and why she flipped is smart. Gets your mind off just mopin' about her, and might save you some headaches in the future. But I feel ya, thinkin' on it still crushes you inside, been there.

As for how long to analyze it, I'd give yourself at least a couple months man. The first few weeks are the worst, you just wanna crawl in a hole. After that it starts hurtin' less each day. When you can go a whole week without dwellin' on little stuff she used to do, then you're probably ok to hang it up.

Six months tops I'd say. Any longer and you risk goin' crazy obsessin'! At that point may wanna grab a buddy to shoot hoops with or somethin', help get your mind straight. You'll get through it bro, just takes time. Stay strong!

[hardboiledink]

Thanks brother! Will do, and Have a great weekend.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome man anytime and you too

[Avicenna]

After an intense relationship like that, you need to take your time until your mind is clear, and there is no set timetable for that.

[SolsticeSnow]

If by attachment styles you mean that anxious avoidant secure crap then drop that for a start.

If people aren't secure in themselves they shouldn't be dating.

9 times out of 10 people post 'I'm anxious and my partner is avoidant' it means the later is an headwrecker and the former, their victim (hense their anxiousness). Often anxious sorts have come from abuse backgrounds already though so we're already that way.

So I suppose there is some merit to the study. But mostly its best to look at the deeds, not some personality tests that suggests why they act as they do.

If things didn't work out, it is important to acknowledge both our part in that and theirs. But remember that sometimes, things just don't work out. ... and sometimes people are just jerks.

Ruminating on it doesn't seem to be making your life better. Let it go.

[SolsticeSnow]

*were already that way

[ThrillSeeker01]

You should find someone else to distract you from those memories.