How do I deal with this situation did I make the right choice?

[Anonymous]

Long story short me and my ex are deeply in love. We broke up two months ago go after two years (planned to get married family etc but never worked out) religious, personal history and other stuff got in the way but we’re still deeply in love and he broke up because we don’t have a future but he said he wants to be friends still and continue to act as lovers when we do see each other but I told him that’s confusing but agreed to it

Yesterday he calls me as he finally had a day off after many double shifts and we were meant to go for dinner then his place as usual and he was very down (he says personal family matters to do with money) but won’t tell me what exactly except long story ) so absent during dinner date at restaurant on phone calls arguing with family then at his place barely comes close seems distant then told me to leave at midnight as he can’t be happy like that when he’s having family issues. I started to cry he started crying seeing me cry.

I told him if he loves me please stay away from me and he kept saying sorry. Am I bad? Is he bad? What do I do

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa girl, this sounds like a super complicated situation with your ex. Breakups are always hard, but trying to stay friends right away and act like lovers sometimes just makes everything more confusing.

I can understand why you'd want to maintain your relationship with him since you cared about each other so deeply. But the hot and cold way he's been acting - being distant one minute and crying with you the next - that's not fair to you. You deserve someone who's all in, you know? As hard as it is, telling him you both need space was probably the right choice.

It's clear he still has a lot of feelings to work through with his family issues too. That's not really something you should get caught up in - you need to take care of yourself right now. Maybe some time apart will help him figure his stuff out too and be in a healthier place. Don't be too hard on yourself, you did the best you could in a tough situation.

Give yourself time to heal now without him around confusing things. Surround yourself with your closest girlfriends for support. I'm sure it hurts, but staying no contact is the right call. You'll get through this and meet someone who won't have all this extra baggage someday. Feel free to vent to me if you need - we're all here for you!

[Iron_Man]

He’s very confused if anything you should be supportive of him which you probably are and he’s denying you he’s got a lot of confusion. Take a break from the guy for a while and let him figure it out.

[SueShe]

Your relation has started on the wrong foot. The question is also, do you see a future without him and how is his view on this issue?

Both of you seem to have a communications problem and from what I can read, he seems to want you more as a friend with benefits than to see a common future with you.

You need to sort out your miscommunication first. I would suggest that you prepare a pro/con list and note down all the issues you see with your boyfriend. Next to each problem, you bring a solution you think is acceptable to both of you. Ask your boyfriend to make a separate list and when both of you are done, get together and go over the lists finding a consensus. If you cannot find common grounds, then you are probably better off going separate paths. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to say which one is the more dysfunctional, you or him.

[Asker]

Dysfunctional how so?

[In_Trance]

Gnarly