Is it a bad idea to contact my ex after 10 months of no contact?

[Anonymous]

It’s been 10 months since my ex and I last spoke, and we’ve had absolutely no contact since then. I still miss him and have been thinking about reaching out, but I’m worried that it would be weird after so much time has passed.

Would you think it’s a bad idea to contact him after 10 months, or is it still okay to reach out if I genuinely miss him?

[HollyK21]

At this point in my life, I’d genuinely advise against it because a good outcome rarely ever comes from reconnecting with an ex. However, I didn’t just wake up with this knowledge. I had to go through my own experience and receive the lesson in order to genuinely understand why it’s best to let an ex stay an ex.


For you, this may continue to stay on your mind until you do it, and you may always wonder “what if” if you don’t. So ultimately if you feel too inclined to reach out, like you just can’t take the feeling anymore or whatever then sure, go for it so you can receive the outcome. If I were you I’d do a lot of unpacking before that choice though, like exploring my emotions about it. Maybe write everything out — why you broke up, what led to the breakup, how you were/have been feeling, what you hope to gain by contacting him again vs what you realistically know in your heart you’d get. Just sort through all that, then decide, and if you do reach out then be fully ready for potential disappointment, even if not immediately. Determine whether or not you can emotionally handle that again, as well.

[Asker]

what ifs are so painful, great advice! thanks

[HollyK21]

Very true, the “what ifs” can drive you crazy in situations like this. But that’s why I think it’s best to weigh the odds before giving in to temptation, and work with what you already know vs the “what if” of the future.

[RavVid]

Reach out I say. Nearly a year is quite long enough to move on so don't expect much out of it.

I think if you are genuine and go about it nicely there is nothing wrong.

[Asker]

so you wouldn't find it weird? after 10 months I mean?

[RavVid]

I am sure it will be a surprise. If you broke up it would be conventional to have harsh arguments. So he might be think you are ringing to rip him again. Or you are drunk and maudlin.

So be nice and sweet is best.

Depending on your objectives be accepting of fault. Women rarely accept fault without a lot of exonerating provisos so that would catch him by surprise and we find it hard to be angry with a woman who accepts she was in the wrong.

He might well have a new girlfriend after this time so be accepting of that also.

[Anonymous]

Nothing good is likely to come from it

[Asker]

oh...

[Opinion Owner]

You’ve been strong to go this long. Stick with it.

[Asker]

I think I will, thanks <3

[Opinion Owner]

Even if you are not over him, you have made some progress and you’ll undo it all talking to him probably

[Asker]

yeah that's what I am afraid of

[Kvass]

Stay away, no sense making lonely mistakes

[In_Trance]

Yes it is