Why do ex girlfriends become so mean and hate you?

[foundry]

I was wondering why so many times do ex girlfriends become so mean and hate you after a break up? In my situation our relationship was 2 years and we both were very loving and she gave her V to me,but after the break up she asked to me friends but I said I was not ready yet and needed time.since then she's been cold and distant and ignores me,I never see her,she spreads stories about me to other new girls I'm flirting with and messing up my friendship with others.so why do girls do that in general after a break up?I do still kind of love her and its been 3 weeks on no contact now

[DinaColada]

It sounds like she's still hurt. So she is being passive aggressive, and spiteful. She probably thinks "I'll show him how much I don't care" but she probably does still care. The people we care for are the people that can hurt us the most. She is reacting from emotions she feels and isn't responding in a mature way. All women are not like this. She's probably young, and still doesn't know how to handle her strong emotions.

You can contact her and tell her that you still care for her, and it is not OK to talk about you with other women or any other person. You are not doing this to her, and you expect the same in return. You can be polite and professional. You can send her an email or call her if you're comfortable with that. If she gets nasty you can say you don't accept people treating you with disrespect and tell her you're hanging up.

It's hurts when someone treats you this way, and I'm sure you don't deserve to be treated like that!

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XOXO

Dina

[foundry]

I tried to talk to her she was very mean and also said she can't talk to me cause other people will give her grief.so I went no contact.if she cares she wudnt go and tell people my personal info about wats happening to my family,she wudnt say she wants nothing to do with me,she wudnt tell girls bull sh*t stories about me

[DinaColada]

No more contact sounds like a great idea at this point unless you want to send her an email and let her know you don't appreciate her rumors.

Hopefully she'll grow up and learn to keep her mouth shut!

[Vitren]

I'd like to ask you a followup dina: it's been months (almost a year now) and she still has a great amount of animosity towards me. She was furious that I "dated up" because the girl I was seeing for a while was incredibly attractive (more attractive than my ex in my ex's eyes, hence that term), she's furious that I didn't say happy birthday on Facebook (petty and I don't do that for anyone regularly), and she talks trash about me and goes behind my back to borrow my things from my roommates that she is friends with (totally not acceptable as that is an exchange of my personal belongings that if I was asked I would have allowed but wasn't even told of). I've had a great amount of luck recently: finding the new girl that I saw briefly, and landing a high paying career job (her big problem in the breakup was my financial woes). I can see why she would be annoyed at herself, but why take it out on me now? It's just beating a dead horse to me. Is she actually upset that I'm successful now?

[Xcetaura]

I was fine with my ex and tried being nice to him until I found out he a) cheated on me b) was spreading rumors about me c) was telling guys to stay away from me and threatening to beat them up. Then I told him we can't be friends and it's over. So my meanness was more of a combination of wanting to get rid of him and being hella angry that he made a fool out of me. But instead of spreading rumors and being truly mean, I just deleted him and moved on. Cutting all ties seemed the best option for my sanity and his.

On a side note: 'you kinda love her' is not really good enough for the basis of a relationship. Maybe it's time to move on because it's more painful for both parties to hang onto something that didn't work and never will.

[Anonymous]

They don't necessarily, but it's clear that break-ups are easier to implement if you just set down that iron curtain and don't let the other person back in. For most people that does involve a bit of mental and emotional ingenuity. You need to convince yourself that you no longer value the EX in that way, that you NEED to distance yourself because he/she is no good for you. Feelings of resentment naturally arise as a list of reasons WHY the person is no good for you starts to form. HATRED is perhaps not the bet word, but certainly pain, anguish, resentment, etc. all apply. It's just natural for most people to go through that emotional circuit.

[asianfreak]

Perhaps she's been heartbroken. but other times, chances are she's either a troublemaker, just plain mean, insecure, emotionally turbulent, or don't know how to handle matters like this the right way, etc. these are my personal opinions.

[AshlynGrace]

Because you broke up. You may have been in love when you were together but now that you are seperated it because hate the fact that she loved you and you are no longer together or that she regrets you. Not to be harsh.

[BirdofParadise]

She is upset about the break up. She lost you from her life and that hurt, so she wants to upset you back.

[Anonymous]

anger and hurt