Dating a guy, only see him once a week. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Been dating this guy for a couple months, but we only see each other once a week. At first that was okay, but at some point I'm going to want more. He texts and checks in everyday, but I'm lucky if I get so much as a phone call since we started seeing each other (he used to call every other night, at least). We were friends for 6 months prior to dating, so you could say I knew what I was getting into: that he's very busy with other things in his life. I know he's trying, but at what point does being busy become an excuse? At what point am I being "understanding" and at what point am I just settling for whatever scraps of time he can give me?

I've pretty much come to terms with the situation, that he's either 1) truly too busy to invest in seeing me more, or 2) not into me enough to *make* more time to do so.

My question is, how would you handle my situation? Would you walk away before it hurts even more? Or would you stick it out for another couple months or so to see if things change?

Updates

+1 y

We live about half an hour away from each other, give or take

[Anonymous]

I live 1 hour's away. We were acquaintances 1.5 years prior. We have never called each other, literally. We Facebook each other daily. We go out together once a month, twice if we're lucky. During term time we don't go out. That's my life with my crush, slowly progressing.

Is he aware that there's a problem? Have you talked to him? Are you happy when you are with him?

If my answer was No, No, Yes, then I will stick it out with him. That your emotional needs differ will surely cause tension, but miraculously I endured because I discovered I could live without those needs, and I had other emotional needs she satisfied too.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Since it's relatively early, perhaps now is as good a time as any to discuss your individual expectations with each other. And if not now, when?

Why make a speculative/risky investment in someone when it's clearly avoidable?

[Asker]

Good point, thanks. My thing is, isn't it too early to have that conversation? I feel like it is, but looks like I could be wrong. How would I even approach that topic without sounding needy or that I'm pressuring him?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Personally, I think two months of dating someone is adequate time to broach the subject of being exclusive or any label for that matter that each of you aspire to have with the other. Considering the circumstances and the frequency in which you see and communicate with him, you have thus far successfully proven that you are not the clingy type.

And since most people thoroughly enjoy talking about themselves, bring up the subject casually by inquiring about his life and relationship goals, for the short and long term. Life goals first followed by relationship goals. Keep in mind, if you are compatible, if the endgame goals are the same, asking him such questions should be anticipated and welcomed by him.

[FunTastyLady]

So I am in the same situation as you...so weird to have come across your posting...

Same goes for my guy, he works from 730am to 730pm every day and on the week-end, he also works one day (either Saturday or Sunday all day).

Anyhow, in my case we have only just started going out...we text morning, midday and night and try to plan 1-2 outings per week...We try to make the most of one of the nights...for example, we will plan a movie night and then hang out until 1-2 am..

Would be interesting to hear what other guys will have to say about this...

[Asker]

Yup, looks like we are in the same situation. I'm okay right now since, likewise, it's relatively early. But I do want it to progress eventually and I don't know how seeing each other only once a week really works towards that. Best of luck to you.

[FunTastyLady]

So this is crazy timing. So yesterday when I left this comment I was going through some uncertainty for my new relationship.

We have only been officially seeing each other for about 10 days and because there was such a huge contrast with the relationship we had prior to being gf/bf...meaning that we were seeing each other almost everyday before but once we labeled the relationship, we brought it down to 1-2 times a week...

So yesterday after a weird morning with him...we ended up having a talk in the evening...but really the talk wasn't aimed at us not spending enough time together...but just a regular talk...and what followed was interesting...

One topic led to another and there we were talking about time spent together...so he was wondering why I only wanted to see him on the week-end...and I had assumed that he didn't want to see me during the week because he was too busy and I didn't want to bother him...

[FunTastyLady]

Anyways, in the end we both laughed about this...since we would want to spend more time together...

So we agreed that even if we are both really busy, we should at least see each other twice a week minimum...and much more when possible...

Morale of the story is that maybe you should come around to discussing the matter with him indirectly! Good luck dear, you never know what he can say and if he gives you some "I am too busy" bullshit excuse...then it's time to dump his ass. xx

[LovelySerene]

My bf travels all around the U.S. because of his work, so I only get to see him every once in a while, we talk and text when we can...some places he goes to have very poor service so there are a few weeks at a time that I won't even hear from him.

I don't really mind though, since I'm not clingy at all.

[FlyingTurtle]

You are extremely lucky. I typically would only see my boyfriend twice a month, which has turned into once a month or less often, because distance and conflicting schedules.
Have you voiced your concerns to him?

[Asker]

Wow! I have no idea how I'd deal with that, but I guess you're handling it well. And no I haven't voiced my concerns (yet) because I think it's too early to have that conversation. But like I said above, I guess I might be wrong, although I dont know how I'd even bring it up without putting pressure on him.

[truthbeknown]

How far apart do you live from each other?

[Asker]

About 1/2 an hour

[truthbeknown]

Is transportation a problem, or too expensive? My wife and I lived 1/2 apart when we started dating. It did get difficult and expensive to drive all the time. I had a pickup truck and she lived in a different town. 1/2 hour to get her, 1/2 hour to bring her back to my town. Then repeat the process to take her home. It was a pain in the ass. Her town was small with nothing. Everything to do was in my city. I worked shift work. On Afternoons or midnights there would be no way it could work. So we mainly saw each other on weekends only. Eventually she moved in after a couple of years when she was done school. My heart ached during the week though. We both showed big-time interest. But only I had a vehicle. So I can see his issue if money or time is a problem.

[Asker]

No, transportation isn't a problem. We live in Orange County, CA, and he has no problem frequently seeing his friends in LA (an hour or more away).

[Asker]

Thanks though for sharing your story. That sounds really tough and it's great that you guys were able to work things out. That's what I'm saying also, that you cared about her enough to have made that kind of effort. My guy *not* making the effort basically tells tells me that he doesn't care enough or is not quite at that level yet.

[truthbeknown]

Yes, you are right, your guy doesn't seem to care enough to want this to work. By rights, you should be the most important person to him, not his friends! So if he is prioritizing his time with them instead of you, at least you know where you stand. I did have a girlfriend in college, and she was all about hanging with her friend all the time and left us little alone time. I dropped her pretty quick! Don't waste too much of you time!