Have been seeing a guy for 3 months now, but he still only wants to meet once a week- male perspective needed?

[GraceBxo]

A week and a half ago we discussed whether or not we'd been seeing other people. Apart from one other gal he saw for about 2 weeks after we first met, he hasn't, and neither have I. He asked how I'd feel about deleting tinder/bumble and I was fine with it- I really like him and when I'm seeing people I don't go on other dates anyway. But as we continued talking, I brought up the idea of us seeing eachother more than once a week. The way I see it, there's now an unspoken agreement between both of us that seeing other people isn't ok, and while we aren't 'boyfriend'/'girlfriend', it's not exactly casual either (I didn't say this- literally just asked if he'd want to see me more than once a week). He replied saying not really- he likes to look forward to seeing me and our 'scheduled' call once every 3 days is fine. Bit of background to the scheduled call- over Christmas we'd met up and I brought up how he doesn't really text or anything/we don't speak when we're not together, so jokingly he said he'd set an alarm for every 3 days to schedule in a call and that's actually what's happened. I understand as a 3rd year student he needs to focus to get a first. He has also started his own business which I get will be taking up time. He's pretty chilled out about the uni stuff but does spend mondays to fridays on campus in the library, and also does work things there too, and he has a close knit house who he needs to spend time with as well. Do you understand where he's coming from when he says he wants to look forward to seeing me, or would you say it's a little bit of a cop out- not so much he wants to look forward to seeing me but he doesn't want to make the time? I'd genuinely be happy for just 2 nights a week, but even that wasn't considered (he giggled and said no to that as well). I'm the longest relationship he's ever had, but I've been in more long term things, and I feel like around this kind of time we should be stepping it up if he's taking this seriously?

[ravedave]

I think he's probably got a lot going on right now. I mean being a student alone is a lot to handle, let alone starting your own business, that's nuts. I think it's perfectly reasonable to schedule get together like that.

At the same time however I'd also take an opportunity to discuss with him about the perceived exclusivity of your relationship. I get that you think there's an unspoken agreement, but it never hurts to make sure that you're both on the same page, ya know?

[GraceBxo]

I totally get you! I definitely will because I feel like I do need complete clarification, thankyou for your input:)

[ravedave]

No problem! Happy to help 😁

[jessture]

I usually criticize women for this, but honestly he needs the criticism here. He is confusing the boundaries of friends with benefits and a relationship. It sounds like he wants the exclusivity and connection of a relationship on the timetable of friends with benefits. It's one or the other.

[GraceBxo]

That's basically where I feel I am right now! I'm quite laid back when it comes to relationships, I understand I'm not the biggest thing in their life (especially after only 3 months!) and they have other things that they need to prioritise sometimes- that's totally cool. But I don't want to invest in something if he doesn't see this becoming any more than it currently is, I'm absolutely willing to give him space and time if he needs it, but I don't want to allow myself to be a 'just for now' thing either!

[jessture]

I wish I knew more women who acted this way. If he can't pick one or the other, send him on his way. It's what I do.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s messing around. People make time for people they are interested in.

[Goombalsded]

I would feel like once to twice a week is the healthiest option. I knew two couples who met up to five times a week, and that's what ruined both of their relationships.

[GraceBxo]

Honestly anything more than twice would be a bit unnecessary in my eyes, I have uni work too and a social life, but it almost feels like right now, like jessture articulated it, we're currently mixing friends with benefits and the idea of a relationship, and by not wanting to see me just one extra night, and it's like he's enjoying the experience of having a girlfriend once a week, without any proper commitment

[Clarke498]

Stop all this crap. Ask him, are you together? If so, stop meeting once a week