I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago, want her back big time now for the right reasons?

I am a 33 yo man- I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago because I couldn't handle how strong my feelings were for her. I got scared and ran- I think I handled the breakup as well as possible( maybe not tho?) anyway I am thinking clearly now and want her back - as in

marriage... She is seeing another guy. She won't see me in person but she initiates contact via text daily... I was hoping some of you girls could give me a female perspective on what I should do now? I am trying to actually understand what she is going through now. Thanks

Updates:
I appreciate your insights:) I am wondering if the fact she texts me really do mean something - she has told me she is happy in her new relationship. I did tell her very specifically that I regretted dumping her:( should I pursue her or back off for a bi
She told me she would have accepted my proposal and married me if I had asked when we were dating/she also said she tried hard to get back w me after the breakup, now she won't see me. Do women usually change their feelings that quick or does she need time?
Girls reading this post- I would appreciate more opinions- how would you feel in her situation and what type and level of communication would you be looking for from me? What should I do to get her forgiveness and understanding? Thanks!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay first of all I don't think there is another guy, Unless you ve seen it with your own eyes.

    Second thing, If you do want her back and you want to marry her for real then you have to make sure that you want her once and for all because coming back and pulling a disappearing act isn't so much fun!

    Third, once you make sure of how you feel, Do something sweet. Is she the kind of girl who is into romance? or fun sweet little things kind of girl? either way do whatever will make her happy.

    Send her a letter or email.. Tell her about how you feel about her and tell her how much of an idiot you were by dumping her... use all the right words and be generous too!

    Fourth, Once you know she actually read the letter, email.. text.. whatever you sent.. Send her something else.. perhaps flowers? box of chocolates or whatever she likes with a note and ask to meet her somewhere you ve both liked and that is "Your special place"...

    Fifth, even if she says no she doesn't want to see you... give her time.. don't send her too much things or she will think that you re a stalker.. give it a week or two between each simple thing you do and try to contact her by texts daily.. Ask about her and make everything about Her.. now You or what you did or what you want...

    Later.. if any of those tricks worked to melt her heart.. Brainstorm of how to actually propose to her.. and remember.. don't propose unless you know there is a 20% chance.. you don't wanna make a fool out of yourself..

    By the way, I think my boyfriend is doing the exact same thing you did with her... Scared sh*tless of the feelings so pushing me away... and I have No idea how to fix it! Any tips?

    Anyway Good luck!

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    • Maybe tell him my story? Just to casually mention how many times people break up when things get way serious and then regret it. And let him know you are glad tohave him and you are good with whtever level of space he needs. Tell him lowkey but make sure he hears you- might make him rethink before he loses something good

    • Show All
    • Did he break up with you? How long have you been dating?

    • Its a long story... He didn't break up with me.. yet he is not with me! Not sure!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 21

  • Well ... you broke her heart?

    If she knew you left her because your "feelings were too strong", I think she'd have a different outlook on this, but you certainly lost all of her trust. She seems happy with the new guy although she's probably still sad over you leaving and possibly still has feelings for you.

    If you truly, truly love her and would never let her go again, open up and tell her everything. Just don't take advantage of her. It'll be hard because you left once already and she is afraid you will just do it again, so use your feelings and tell her everything.

    Then, the decision's on her ... but first of all, be certain you aren't just looking for fun or a "casual relationship". If so, at least let her be happy with her new man.

    If not - good luck to you. You will have to put your whole heart on the line.

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  • I was this girl about 2 years ago. If you really want her back make sure you are sure. I was with someone else when the guy I loved realized he had made a mistake. I liked the other guy bt had strong feelings for the guy I loved who had left. I had trust issues due to what he did and felt he wasn't really that into me... couldn't be if he rejected me first.

    You have to be prepared that even if you get her in the end that there will be a long commitment on your part to soothing the insecurities caused by you rejecting her.

    You need to show her you mean it. keep in contact but not obsessively. Keep things genuine cause people know when you are being insincere and its trust you are trying to build.

    I agree with below about getting therapy but why don't you go on your own now, explore why you ran away from something you now claim now you really want and use what you learn to re connect with her. If she's worth it then its worth it.

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  • I guess it depends on what kind of texts she sends you. At least it's obvious that she enjoys staying in contact with you, otherwise she would'nt have.

    This might be the time for athe big gesture. Or do something that has a special meaning to the two of you. You don't want her to date the other guy for too long, so you might want to give it a full on go... win or lose!

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  • well at this point she doesn't believe you and also tired of waiting for you, now she has what she wanted from you with another man, you messed up, move on. since you don't have kids together no need to string old feeling onto her since she will resent you for not allowing her to be happy with her new love, not worth it! good luck!

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  • The only reason why you want her now, 3 months after you dumped her and pushed her away every time she wanted you back is because YOU FOUND OUT ANOTHER MAN IS IN HER LIFE. I am sorry but you are an idiot, the typical insecure, uncommitted, immature man who wants what he cannot have? how come you all of a sudden want to marry the woman you dumped 3 motnhs ago the moment you find out she has moved on and has a new man? I bet if she were still alone, without a man and she was trying to get you back you wouldn't have wanted her ! let alone propose! you need to grow up first of all you are 33 for Christ's sake! do you even love her ? you don't dump the people you love because you "can't handle the strong feelings you have for them" bulls**t. I am a 29 year-old female, and I have been where she has been. Dumped many times by the same guy who claims he loves me, and knew I would take him back everytime. guess what, the last time he did that(the reason was he doesn't want to get married) I got myself a new man, who wanted to marry me and my EX found out. sure enough...just like you, he jumped and asked me to marry him? out of the blue! I found out he did that to another of his Exs to long before he met me...see the pattern here? well any way, I decided to not go back to him and I am soon marrying my newer boyfriend! let me give you some tip, you can dump a woman who has deceived you, cheated on you, used you and hurt you, but you GOTTA think twice before you dump a woman who has proved to you time and again that she loves you, is loyal to you, is there for you, would never cheat on you, would do anything for you, only has eyes for you, kind, loving because it will always be your loss, almost always!

    i know I am being harsh on you, but I am telling you this because you may not have an older sister who might break it down to you and ask you to grow the hell up! and if she is a good woman I want you to be with her again. show her you love her, don't dump her!I am also hoping that the woman in question is even worth it, meaning the type who loves you,has never cheated on you, hurt you and would stick by you. If she isnt, then find yourself one and think 2x next time you want to dump a good woman.

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    • I agree 100% with this post. Now that you know what your decision led to, learn to move on and not make the same mistake twice. Life lessons burn the most! But leads to new and good things

  • I have been the girl dumped by a guy because he wasn't man enough to handle his feelings for a woman. To me it is retarded to dump someone because you love them too much. Does the break up hurt any less because you initiated it out of weakness of character and cowardice? You would've been better off riding it out and only going through the pain if things didn't work out. Sometimes things fizzle out and one can get out unscathed.

    With that said, I have also received the proposal after I'm happily dating another man and it only made me sad because it would've meant the world to me a month prior but now my connection to the guy is severed and anger/hurt/distrust makes it nearly impossible to even imagine reconnecting with the runaway groom.

    I'm going to warm you against "i snoozed and lost syndrome". My ex I'm talking about turned around and prematurely married the next girl he dated that reminded him of me because he didn't want to snooze and loose again. All his friends were concerned so even I called him and plead with him to take the time to get to know the girl better, to not rush, that it was a totally different situation but he wouldn't listen. The marriage didn't last 6 months and it was a debacle. Remember every situation is unique and if you don't get your ex to give you another chance, just don't do this to another girl because if you always do as you've always done, you'll always get as you have gotten ;)

    Hope you don't think this answer is harsh, it is just the truth.

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  • You need to try to sweep her off her feet again. Ask her for just one date and then take her to where you first met or a place you had an amazing date. Pull out all the stops, flowers, etc. Do not suddenly say you want to marry her. Act almost as if it is a first date. Be very much a gentleman, don't expect to get back in her good graces immediately and don't expect the evening to end with a kiss or sex. Try to show her that you are sincerely sorry and that she didn't deserve what happened.

    Its been 2 months since my ex did the same thing to me that you did to your girlfriend and after trying to get over him I feel like it would be hard for me to open up emotionally to him if he did come back. However, i"ve played the scenario over in my mind and I would want him to do the above things if he ever did come back. I know most people think therapy is a joke, but I would suggest telling her that you were thinking of seeing a counselor for a session to talk about why you were afraid of loving her or committing to her. If I knew that my ex was willing to work out his problems while patching things up with me, I would have hope and give him a chance.

    Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

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  • I think she is trying to f*** with you. Like, did you some how give her the idea that you wanted her back? because then in my personal opinion you gave her the power. So now as revenge she's trying to make you think that she likes you too, when she really doesn't. I would stay away from her.

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  • It means something if she's texting you! She obviously still cares & wants you to remain in her life. It's probably hard for her though, talking to you & being with her boyfriend. She probably didn't change her feelings that quick. she just wanted to move on, for the pain to go away, but can't if you still see her, so she wouldn't see you. If it's meant to be, it will be. I believe it will be with you two. Someday maybe you will marry her, if not, you will marry someone even better! Best of luck! I truly feel for you!

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  • I think that you leaving her has probably developed a lot of trust issues. How will she know you won't do it again. You probably seem rather unreliable to her. My ex did it to me twice and now I have obviously drawn the short end of the stick, while he is out having fun. If you want her back you need to prove to her that you are able to commit, properly. And don't kid yourself either, are you honestly going to be able to give your all to her and not do the same thing down the line.

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  • I think that you should chase this girl, if you love her then there should be nothing stopping you. As long as you love her and you know that you won't hurt her again or break up with her because of your fears then you should go for it. I think she is maybe confused or worried about where she stands with you so you need to make it clear how you feel and why you broke up with her previously.

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  • Well you obviously hurt her pretty bad if she won't see you in person. She is moving on with her life and you need to let her. You send her a text or call her and leave a message about exactly how you feel right this moment then let it be. If it is meant to be it will happen :)

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  • She probably doesn't trust you, if I were just ditched all the sudden I wouldn't trust him, but youve gotta give her time to think things through. You say you want to marry her? what you REALLy need to do is sweep her off her feet. come to her house with something special, like flowers, or something, and then explain to her how you feel, exaactly how you feeel. But you really need to be sure about wanting her back, cause you don't want to be unsure about anything here. I hope this all works out

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  • The fact that she still txts you while seeing someone else would suggest she still has feelings for you. If you're serious about wanting her back, I would tell her point blank how you feel. If she doesn't want to get back with you then I think you just need to suck it up and move on.

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  • ok so I think she is confused about how she feels now I mean you broke up with her and didn't give her a reason she still loves you but I think she needs some time just keep talking to her and be a friend

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  • if she really loved/loves you she will leave the guy she is with now.

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  • Did you think she would go crazy over you? Sadly I think this is a very narcissist way of thinking. People see reality, not fairy tales. If you let her go you should have figured she would not return.

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  • From a girls perspective, she doesn't trust you anymore not to up and leave again. Seriously, she probably was really hurt about the breakup and she's not gonna risk getting hurt by you again. She's texting because she still has feelings for you. So keep texting and stay on her mind. Every once in a while try to call and keep it light. Don't ask to meet again for a while. She'll come around if you are really sincere, but you've got a lot of making up to do before she gets there...if she gets there. You'll have to treat it like a new friendship for a bit and take it slow until you gain her trust back.

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  • Could you get a mutual friend to set up a time when the 2 of you could meet face to face and y ou can clearly explain how you feel to her?

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  • You ran away because you loved her too much? Does that even make sense?

    You rejected her. By breaking up you made her think you don't want her anymore.

    So she moved on. Pretty simple. You've lost her now. Time for you to move on, too.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You had something good. This should be a lessoned learned. If you expect too much out of life you might not get anything at all.. I feel for you man..

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  • Wow. You lost your balls and made her suffer for it? Grow a pair and let her get on with her life.

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