What do girls think about insecure guys?

[Anonymous]

The thing is as for now I lack confidence and quite a insecure person. I know that's a big turn off for girls. I had rough childhood I know that a lot of people had it worse than me but it brings a lot of crap to me even right now when i'm 20. I'm not ugly or anything accualy i'm quite pretty. I find it incredibly hard to flirt with woman, doing some playfull things, a lot of times I'm just being direct and honest (it is realy hard for me to behave differently) and I get a lot of compliments for being that way but it doesn't atrract woman. A lot of times i'm just too goofy, awkward and serious at the same time. I'm complete shit at this so called game. There is a lot of people that love me and a lot of people that I love, but I want somebody to desire me sexually, I never felt it. What I want to ask is whether i should continue searching for a girl, which will bring my confidence up, or sort my shit out and try later when I will feel less awkward and insecure. By the way I'm not native English speaker so there could be mistakes.

[Idonthaveausername]

Insecurity is unattractive while confidence is attractive. Understanding and accepting that is the first step, so you're on the right track. You should definitely work to improve your self-esteem and confidence before getting into a relationship because being insecure in a relationship often causes bigger problems and failed relationships. If you want a healthy relationship, then you have to be a mentally healthy individual first. The bonus is that being a mentally healthy individual will automatically make you more attractive

What's your biggest problem with talking to women? Is it with all women or only attractive ones? My best advice for this issue is to start with casual small talk with waitresses and cashiers in situations with limited interaction and an easy out if the conversation turns south. Overall being more social with strangers will make you more comfortable talking to women you're attracted to

[Asker]

I'm bad at talking with people regardless of sex. However I feal more uncomfortable with attractive woman and man with a pushing temperate.

[Idonthaveausername]

What you're experiencing is unfortunately increasingly common these days due to social media and cell phone use running rampant. I knew a lot of people in high school who are now struggling to work in the public service industry (we're talking McDonald's and Panda Express here) because they don't know how to look at strangers and feel uncomfortable asking someone for their order. It only makes sense that their relationships also suffer or are non-existent

You should start small and work your way up as you become more comfortable. Cashiers and waitresses is a good place to start. I've also found that old people are great to talk to because they're often lonely for social interaction, love when young people engage them, and you don't have to worry about attraction with old folks. I always talked to adults as a child, so I find it easier to talk with everyone in general

[Asker]

It is funny but everything that you suggested I did a few years ago, but some really negative experiences pushed me into bigger hole than before.

[Idonthaveausername]

Being afraid of the world will only give more of your power to it. Everyone has negative experiences and there will always be reasons to hide from them. But if you want to be happy, you have to face your fears and realize that slipping on a banana peel on front of your crush isn't the end of the world. Standing back up and throwing the peel away makes you a better person than those who laugh at you, and being able to laugh at yourself will show strength and make you even more attractive than you were before falling down

What are you hiding from? Pain? Humiliation? Rejection? Loneliness? Running away from these things only strengthens them and weakens you. You have to fight back if you want to move forward

[Asker]

Well , I see, it is definetly common issue, since you accuratly described what I feel. Well I'm trying to fix some minor issues but I seriously lack determination.

[Asker]

So you think that I shouldn't search for girl right now? I have feeling that those issues won't go away anytime soon and I need a girl, probably would make me feel better and help fighting those issues. What I'm thinking is to get myself from it into slightly better state and search for one in 3-4 month, regardless of my failure or success with fighting those issues.

[Idonthaveausername]

With your attitude and outlook right now, getting into a relationship would be detrimental to your development and you would be toxic in a relationship. You need to work on yourself before bringing anybody else into your problems. The odds of you actually developing a relationship without talking to a girl are nearly non-existent, and you don't have the self-esteem to be a good boyfriend at this point in time. You need to work on yourself first

If you did find a girl who wanted to be with you right now, you'd probably end up in a codependent relationship that's unhealthy for both parties. And having a breakup at this time would be even worse for you than not entering into a relationship at all. Having a girlfriend will not make you feel better because you have actualized yourself enough yet. It would only be fake happiness

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply)

[rascalRAH]

My boyfriend is insecure and i keep trying to reassure him how great he is but i get really tired and it starts getting repetitive

[Asker]

How he was capable to get you in a first place if he is insecure? You saw this thing about him and there was something more of him that attracted you or simply didn't notice it from the start?

[rascalRAH]

I knew he was insecure, i liked him for him. He made me laugh and made me happy and I genuinely enjoyed being with him. Insecurities dont make a person and they are usually misplaced

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer, it is intresting for me to know why would a girl go for a guy with similar problems to mine.

[rascalRAH]

Your insecurities dont make you unlovable to anyone but yourself

[Asker]

You a right I don't love myself, but other people do and I understand that. I want to atrract somebody, that's the issue.

[rascalRAH]

Attract them how?

[rascalRAH]

Any relationship takes two people to reach out and make a connection

[rascalRAH]

Dont hold back because you are insecure

[Asker]

So you think I should keep on searching regardless of mine issues?

[rascalRAH]

I think you have a great shot at finding someone

[rascalRAH]

Dont let it waste away

[Asker]

Thanks

[AleDeEurope]

Insecure guys will get nowhere with women. Insecure = no confidence, and we all know how confidence is crucial when getting a girl.

[Asker]

Yes I know that, but the thing is I could and most likely will lack confidence for my entire life. With time it will improve but not to a degree that i could be labled as a confident person. It is shit but I will need to make my life better even with this issue , maybe it won't be easy but i need somebody to love'n'fuck regardless of how painfull it will be for me.

[Anonymous]

Some might be put off

[Princeofanons]

Turn off for sure