Why do women always push for commitment right off the bat?

[suddy]

Every single time I go on a date, the woman always brings up long term commitment if not marriage. Its a HUGE turnoff. For me dating is a process. I am not going to commit to you after a coffee especially if you cannot stimulate me converstaionally. I am so frustrated about this and I really don't know what to do... Id like to date more but nobody can just relax and have fun (no pervy nature intended although thst is fun also) with me...

[KadBitty]

Maybe you're just so amazing that as soon as they have the first date they just can't see life without you. Or you're just dating crazy women.
Is it something like this

[suddy]

Haha I don't know. haha Im not like super wealthy and im just a nerdy looking guy. I dont understand.

[KadBitty]

Maybe they think they're getting too old or something and are desperate for marriage and kids. Nobody normal does that though. Like i understand if somebody is dating and looking for somebody long term and getting to know people on that basis, but nobody normal thinks about that with anybody on the first date, they're just supposed to see how it goes.

[suddy]

😂 as much as I enjoy "happy fun snuggle time" Im definitely not gonna commit to a kid without knowing someone for a long time. haha.

[KadBitty]

Exactly. Because you're normal. They're not normal. Find some sane women.

[suddy]

😣Im trying haha. My love life blows haha (not in a good way) but ill figure it out eventually

[KadBitty]

At your age you will start meeting more women who want to settle down but if they start looking for it after a first date, run.

[suddy]

always do

[TigBitties]

Not all women are like that. If they bring it up in conversation, just be honest and tell them you're just having a coffee right now and not ready to commit to anything.

[John_Doesnt]

Because bridal magazines and Cosmo tell women how to think. They're told that commitment and marriage the most important thing in the world.

[suddy]

Haha well what do I do about it?

[Anonymous]

You're dating women your age?

[suddy]

yes.

[Opinion Owner]

Because fertility. They want to get married and have kids? It's time. They don't have to do it this second, but the longer they put it off, the more they're going to be rushing. They want to have a few kids during their early 30's, not late 30s when things start -maybe- getting dicey. So they would like to be married by 30ish. Which means sure, they can date a few guys and have it not work out and start over again, but not -that- many guys. They want to be engaged a year and a half from now, which means they are looking -right now- for guys who are looking for a life partner. The time for them to just play around and have fun is over.

It's not like they're screwed if 5 years from now they're still single, they still have a fair bit of time, but like... its very reasonable for late 20's women who want family and kids to stop spending time on guys who aren't looking to find a wife.

[suddy]

None of that is true. Literally. Medicine has advanced quite a lot to where you can have kids into your fifties.

[Opinion Owner]

IT's all true.

The fact that in vitro fertilization -sometimes- works later doesn't mean it always (or even usually) works.

At age 30 75% of women get pregnant within a year of trying, and 91% within 4 years.
By age 40, 44% get pregnant within a year, and 64% within 4 years.

So by age 40, sure, lots of women can have kids, most even, with some challenges. But 1/3 of women are basically sterile by 40. Most will take longer and have more complications. So again, if life pushes them to have kids later, the odds aren't bad, and science can help.

But many of them are quite reasonably trying not to fall into that game.

IVF doesn't magically change that, unless using donor eggs, which is not what most women dream of. Here's the success rate on IVF by age:
www.advancedfertility.com/.../...rtility-graph.gif

[suddy]

Ok. so why is it that women dont consider with whom they are having kids? If the goal in dating is to meet anyone and settle down and get knocked up doesn't it defeat the purpose of dating? I mean. ok. you have kids. that doesn't mean you have a good relationship. and what about enjoying life before kids? What if we conclude having kids isn't rhe right option? 😂

[Opinion Owner]

"What if we conclude having kids isn't rhe right option? "

That's the easiest one. Sure, some people get into a marriage and then think 'hmm, would I like kids?' But probably MOST people already know if they want them or not, and agreement on that is a requirement in a marriage partner, and that's fine. If one person really wants kids, and the other doesn't, they shouldn't get married.

Enjoying life before kids? Hopefully they have been. And if they want to enjoy married life before kids, that's another reason they'd want to get serious now, not later. The later they get married, the more they'd have to immediately have kids.

Considering with whom they are having kids? Yeah, they ABSOLUTELY should be. But that doesn't mean randomly casual dating people and then find out after a year you have different goals. There are millions of men out there who are ready to settle down. So they need to be looking at THAT pool of men and finding someone they are compatible with.

[suddy]

Its not that I am not ready to settle down. Its that I would rather date someone and get a feel for where we are headed than decide on date one whether or not I want to get married and have kids. Which brings us back to tbe question.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, as a male, that's a totally reasonable position because your fertility isn't about to fall off a cliff in 7 years.

I dated exactly how you did, and HAPPENED to find someone I wanted to marry well before either of us worried about it.

But their behavior is -also- reasonable. If they're looking for someone to settle down now, there's no point on them having more than a coffee with a guy who isn't. That's fine.

There are two things I guess you could do.
- you could either be really up front you are probably looking for relaxed casual dating now, or date more mid 20's down, and not deal with it. That's an option.
- you could tell the women who bring it up something like this, assuming it's true. "I'm really just looking to enjoy life and meet people and let things progress naturally. Now if you're worried about timing and settling down, I can say this: (...)

[Opinion Owner]

" if I met the right person, and things progressed great, and we organically were wanting to get married or whatever, I'm not NOT ready to settle down IF it falls into place. I'm just not looking to fast track either. So if you're worried 'is this guy wasting my time and gonna date two years then say 'I want to travel the world for 5 years now sorry about your uterus', no, I might be ready to settle down if everything is great'. On the other hand i'm not ready to be under a rushed timeline either." Basically you're not going to put the brakes on settling down if it's right, you're just not willing to hammer the gas to force it either.

And then she's happy with that or she isn't.