I’ve been dating this guy for 2 weeks and we both truly get along. He’s sweet and adorable with me, but yesterday he confessed that he spent 8 years in a prison, he was 15 when he was sentenced, and now he’s 25, so it’s been 2 years that he got out from the prison. I wanted to break up with him, but it turns out that his victime was a pedophile, that he killed because of how hardly he beated him, since he was too strong. This pedophile raped his neighbor’s daughter, when she was only 5 years old, and he told me that he couldn’t control himself, because of what this pervert did to that kid. Other than that, he followed his studies in jail, he have a good job and he’s a very polite nice caring man. So deep inside I feel so guilty to love him despite that he committed a crime, but I even meet the parents and this girl who’s now a teenager, and they told me that they will always be thankful to him but that they feel bad that he ended in a jail, so what he told me was the truth since he even showed me the paper news of when that happened , he also swear that he never harmed anyone beside this pedophile. Should I give him a chance?
He took out a child rapist, that to me deserves some respect. Although who's to say what psychological impact it had on him to take another man's life, and how that could impact future relationships. But then, if he's served his time without a fuss, then in the eyes of the state he's already "forgiven". It just depends on you really-- can you love him knowing what he did and why he did it, and who he did it to? Can you feel safe around him knowing what he's capable of when pushed to the most extreme of circumstances?
fwiw I know many men who openly say they would kill a child rapist if they ever caught them in the act.
Doesn't make it "right", but let's not forget that child rapist are the lowest form of human scum in existence, right up there with sex traffickers, elderly abusers, and mass murderers. Plenty of people wanna see such scum put to death, but most are just too afraid of the legal ramifications to follow through on that.
Then again, he *is* a murderer-- or at least, a manslaughterer. So... it's a tough one. I think you just have to be cautious in making sure he has no further violent impulses or anything. Has he had counselling and/or therapy? If he would agree to do so, that might help give you peace of mind that he doesn't want any repeats of what he did as a 15 year old.
I would not have a problem with it if I liked who they are now.
I don't consider a murderer to be a type of person, it's just something they did. By comparison, a thief is a thief. That's who they are and I could never trust a thief. Thieves tend to be compulsive and are likely to steal from almost anyone. It's just part of who they are. That's not usually the case with someone who committed murder.
I've known a couple of murderers. One of them I had no problem with. The other was also a thief. He had killed someone and did 20 years in prison. I think it's highly unlikely he would murder again. But he sure as hell will steal again. He'll steal form his friends, his mother, or anyone else. I will never ever trust a thief.
Was this guy in prison because of manslaughter, or did he actually plan this guy's murder. Murder is always premeditated. If you plan something, you are always in control. If this child was not his direct relative, how did he learn the man was raping the neighbor's daughter? Why was the pedophile beating the young man? It all sounds extremely complicated and disturbing. I'd have so many questions. Why didn't the former teen TELL THE PARENTS about what this man was doing to their daughter instead of killing him? How did he even know about what the pedophile was doing. I'd be unsure about having a relationship with this man. The only person who can tell you the rest of the story is dead.
You should trust your instincts. Everyone makes mistakes but you also should consider if he's changed. That is also a bit strange how one can snap to that degree vs a lighter approach. How did he come to knowing that information? the neighbor told a 15 year old? he saw it happen?
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Asker
+1 y
Actually he was babysitting this little girl, and he was her confident, so she told him first before telling her parents
If his reasoning is true and if he's developed a bit more restraint since, then perhaps it would be worth it. But I wouldn't just believe that 100% outright. If it's the truth then I think the guy did need to be taken out of the situation. However, if he'd done that while you were married, what if you had kids? Your kids will now have a father in prison rather than home helping to raise and support them. That's not a good thing either way.
So I don't know if someone should date a guy like that, but definitely be cautious. My answer would be the same if the genders were reversed.
At first I was going to say break up when I saw the murderer part but now that I've read it, keep him, Jesus I would of givin him a medal if he didn't kill the pedo, tho a small tiny bit of my heart is going, If I was in that situation I probably would of lost control as well.
Would you want to be judged for everything you did wrong? EVERYONE sins. Was he wrong? Yes, but he served his time and has turned his life around. I hate how society puts people down for committing certain crimes. If he was a serial killer that would be different. Also, murder is the incorrect term. If he served such a light sentence then he probably was convicted of manslaughter. People get the two mixed up. Never judge a person's past. Base your thoughts on who he is now. If anything, you should be proud that you have a man capable of protecting you. Give him a chance, but watch carefully for signs of mental issues. Taking a life ALWAYS affects a person. I have killed in the military and it haunts me to this day. He killed in service of protecting someone, even thought that was not his intent.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I question the validity of this, and I’d verify the story. A story such as that would surely make news headlines, and I never heard of such a case. If you can confirm it’s true, I’d look at the man as somewhat of a hero.
If you can’t seem to verify the story, I’d be very wary of continuing the relationship because either A.) he’s not telling you all of the details or B.) He made it up. Which would led me to believe that’s he’s either hiding what he really did or he’s not mentally stable if he’s making up a story like that.
If you can verify the story, I’d love to read it if you can provide a link to any articles. Like I said, if it’s true, I’d view the man as a bit of a hero.
8 years for murder? That doesn't sound right. I would check it out if I were you. If he is telling the truth I would say you can still be with him, but really the decision is up to you. Could YOU live with a murderer? Can YOU be in love with someone like that, or is that too much for you to handle? Because people here can tell you if they think it's ok or not, but it's not really about that. Do you love him enough to stay with him even though you know that about him? And are you ok with taking the risk, even though it's possible he might do something like that again? He told you he couldn't control himself. He probably wouldn't kill YOU, but if he does kill someone again, you will be involved. Are you willing to take that risk?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Would suggest you don’t listen to what he says and that you go get a copy of a police report and the trial documents. 8 years in jail for a minor accused of murdering a known pedophile that had assaulted his neighbors daughter? No. That’s complete bullshit.
I think you should look at the actual police report first and see if he's telling the truth.
If he is telling the truth, I'd look past it. He's not a psycho, he just beat the fuck out of a monster and the monster ended up dying, and the law had to step in.
Even as a dude I actually want this guy as my neighbor. Vigilante justice is always welcomed where I live.
Nah, criminals can keep to their own, especially some scrub made it all the way to prison. I mean child molester or not, it shows you lacked control to do it in a fashion so as to Not go to jail... I mean what if the nigga does the same shit again after you have two kids with him? I'm sure they will be proud of poppa. Uh get a look at his transcripts, verify it was a molester, seems I hear this line a lot.
Did your guy do the world a service? Most definitely. Could I be with someone that would (even at 15) not have the impulse control to not commit murder and maybe get authorities involved instead? Probably not. I'd be worried what else could happen that might cause that snap. But, I am a worrywart. Quite chronically.
Even if you feel his reason was good, you gotta realize that he's got some clear violent tendencies when upset. This is a huge red flag for a relationship.
I'd be wary of dating such a person. relationships are though, and I'd want a partner who can be calm and rational even when upset.
This might be something he's grown out of, but not very likely.
You can if you want. If you trust him then test things out but remember this. He has proven to be capable of killing so I'd keep that with me.
I personally, don't know him or the situation that happened in detail. So I can't say I trust it, but if he's proven you can trust him I think you should be fine.
@Melshmallow046 Yes almost everyone is physically capable, but not everyone is mentally even if they are physically. It's easier said than done when it comes to taking a life. So when it was done, no matter the cause. It should be remembered. Life is a serious thing.
I'm not saying judge them, but they have proven to cross that threshold of taking a life. They've killed before, therefore, when dealing with them that should be a note to remember.
He in particular committed murder. It wasn't a self defense crime. He took justice in his own hands instead of the law. Which is why he did time. He still agrees with that. That's also something to consider. When people show you who they are, believe them is all I'm saying. Whether or not you're okay with it depends on you.
My point was everyone's mentally capable. But few are out in situations that extreme.
To be fair, a lot people wouldn't have in the situation described here, but self defense or it happening to a close family member? Definitely possibly.
If the situation happened as the guy described, he's not a bad guy.
Cops kill people every day, they still have lives and families
That dude might have been extrajudicial but he served his time and is free.
You know he’s capable of killing people so that might be offputting but military families and police families accept their family members have killed so to each their own
What I'm wondering is if he got tried as an adult because third degree or even manslaughter charges would still be considered tried as an adult. And 8 years for a murder charge something don't add up. I would do what one other user said and get a copy of the police report and case file and outcomes and do a thorough background check on him before going any further with that relationship because something doesn't seem right about it.
But I suppose if you feel like he's worthy of forgiveness, I dont see why not. But thats completely on you.
Never killed anyone before, hope it never comes to that. But I've seen people die before. Taking abother person's life, snuffing out their soul, I dunno... Its pretty horrible.
The grammar nearly ended me. But considering I survived the I'd say your chances are pretty good too. This choice more so rests on your shoulders. You have a the information you need to make an adult, informed decision for your future.
You’ve only known this dude for two weeks, get to know him better.
Also telling you about his crime is a good sign however I’d probably be scared of dating someone if they were capable of killing who knows when they do it again.
Regardless it being pedophile, you never know. Get to know him, be wise. Don’t trust to much and rather stay safe
Verify his story. Women married to servicemen don't complain if their man killed someone because the circumstances allow it. Make sure he's telling the truth and then decide.
I agree with you on that point! I've found I need to be leery about telling some people I was in the military, I've been called a murderer on a few instances.
Totally! That is a guy who will always follow his heart and him being with you means he followed his heart to get there by your side. That guy is amazing and you should hold onto him for as long as you can. That is a great guy, granted that murder usually isn’t okay, but I think in this case it was justified. Hold onto him and never let go.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I agree with everyone saying to verify the story to make sure what he's saying is actually the truth. You can never be too careful.
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