What to do when your crush likes your best friend?

[Anonymous]

I remember a long time ago a friend of mine told me if I liked a girl, don't worry about who she may or may not be interested in and make a move. I finally decided to take that advice and I asked out my crush.

We had lunch recently, and while it didn't go bad per say, there was no spark. I mean I like her, but she was very quiet, she seemed rather uncomfortable and it almost felt like she just wanted to get the whole thing over with.

I always suspected she liked my friend anyway, but I don't think he likes her. I could be wrong about that though. She always laughs at his jokes, plays with her hair when he's around, often hangs around him more than me, and they have a flirtatious relationship. After asking her out she doesn't flirt with him as much, but I'm assuming it's to not hurt my feelings.

She and I are friends so to speak, but she's much quieter and soft spoken around me. I've given up on the possibility of dating her, so what should I do to move on? I'm still going to see them fairly often (maybe not as much due to the covid-19 pandemic), so it's going to be at the back of my mind. What should I do if things between her and my friend begin to heat up?

[Selene1600000]

Accept that the romantic possibility didn’t work out and treat her as a friend rather than a “what if” so your mind can stop replaying it.
If things develop between her and your friend, don’t interfere and give yourself space if it starts to bother you more than you expected.
Focus your attention on meeting new people so your emotional investment isn’t stuck in this one situation.

[Anonymous]

You asked her out and she said no?

[Asker]

She said yes, but she didn't treat it like a date, it was more of a casual outing. And I think she said yes because we're friends and she didn't want to hurt my feelings.

[Opinion Owner]

Well you have to make it clear that it's a date and not a hang out.

[Asker]

Well I didn't ask her to "hang out". I asked her out to lunch with me. I didn't think I needed to specify that was a date. But maybe I should have?

[Opinion Owner]

who paid after?

[Asker]

We both did. She called for split bills before I could even offer

[Opinion Owner]

then most likely she thought its a hangout and not a date.

[Asker]

So I should have told her I wanted to go on a date with her? I don't know. I've overthought these things before. A girl is all quiet and shy around me, and I tell myself it's because she likes me and she's nervous. I then confess my feelings to her and she says she'd rather be friends. I think she took it as a hangout because she wanted it to be nothing more than that.

[Opinion Owner]

Something along the lines of I want to take you on a date, or I want to take you out.

[Asker]

Ok, well that's reassuring. But what should I do now? Again, during this hangout, she seemed rather uncomfortable, like she just wanted to eat and leave. Was it because she likes me, and I didn't specify my intention with her? If she left disappointed with the overall experience, should I reach out again or have I missed my chance?

[Opinion Owner]

Well then you need to make conversations more fun and find fun topics to talk about and this time actually tell her you want to go on a date where YOU pay

[Asker]

I understand. This is the first time asking someone out in 2 years. I had an awful experience and have been hesitant to get back into the dating world.